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He hasn't sent me any money............

Posted by on Oct. 2, 2007 at 12:02 AM
  • 13 Replies
He hasn't sent me any money yet but he is trying to convince me to get back together with him......He has some nerve. He basically tried to tell me the other day that he can't afford to send money to me untill he gets on his feet. He was like I needed to come back to him and I wouldn't have to work, and our kids would have every thing they needed. Yeah, but a happy mom and a stressfree household. Our oldest has a birthday coming up and I bet you I won't even see anything for that. He says he will send it but it will be late. Yeah right. I am so fed up with him, I feel like just loosing contact entirely. Do you ever feel like that, do you think it is an awful idea? Mind you my kids are very young and there dad has a drug and alcohol problem. I almost think it is best. That is what my mom did. And I am kind of glad she did. 

PS Ladies, my question is should I loose complete contact with him?  The question is not should I go back with him, I know better.  I had to edit this because I don't want any condesending reply's.  Please be positive.  Thank you. 
by on Oct. 2, 2007 at 12:02 AM
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Replies (1-10):
mghtymffn
by on Oct. 2, 2007 at 12:21 AM
if he does not give you money now, why go back with him.  I don't believe any child should be exposed to drugs or alchol so it probably is not a good idea to have them around that and i'm sure dcf feels the same way.  As far as not having contact with him, you might want to ask if he has considered going to AA meetings and rehab especially if he wants his family back.  I'm pretty sure he won't agree to going so that should tell you how he feels about you and your children.  If he does agree to going, make sure he completes the program first.  As always this is your decision and only you can make that choice for yourself.
joshsmommy1706
by on Oct. 2, 2007 at 12:29 AM
Have you filed for child support?  that was the only way i got money out of my childs father.

Lilypie 2nd Birthday Ticker

 

stairstepinmoma
by on Oct. 2, 2007 at 7:02 AM

Quoting mghtymffn:

if he does not give you money now, why go back with him. I don't believe any child should be exposed to drugs or alchol so it probably is not a good idea to have them around that and i'm sure dcf feels the same way. As far as not having contact with him, you might want to ask if he has considered going to AA meetings and rehab especially if he wants his family back. I'm pretty sure he won't agree to going so that should tell you how he feels about you and your children. If he does agree to going, make sure he completes the program first. As always this is your decision and only you can make that choice for yourself.

My question was not going back with him, that is out of the questions and he has gone to rehab and goes to AA meetings.  My question was should I loose contact with him entirely.  I am a good mom and would never subject my children to drugs or alcohol that is why I left in the first place and I never asked about what dcf thought.  I am not a dummy.  Thank you for your critisization though.  Please ladies read the question and don't be so quick to judge. 
stairstepinmoma
by on Oct. 2, 2007 at 7:05 AM

Quoting joshsmommy1706:

Have you filed for child support? that was the only way i got money out of my childs father.

Lilypie 2nd Birthday Ticker

Yes I filed child support like 3 months ago.  I haven't heard anything from them though.  I don't understand why they don't just take money out of his paychecks. 

manders018
by on Oct. 2, 2007 at 7:11 AM
THey should be able to just take the money out of his paychecks but you have to request that they do that. It is sad that he claims he can't afford to send the kids money when according to the law the order of most important things for your money to go to is 1. taxes 2. child support 3. everything else. It can't be an easy decision to cut him out completely from their lives. I would say at this point don't actively persue a relationship for the sake of the kids. Let him call to see how they are and to arrange supervised visits. At least that is what I do given a similar situation except my ex hasnt been in rehab or AA. Good Luck getting the money your kids deserve it. Grrr men can be such pains.
jlani16
by on Oct. 2, 2007 at 9:24 AM

have they said why the child support is taking this long?  my sons father is living in another country and im filing for child support so i know wat ur talking about.  his father and i havent spoken since my son was about 4months.  he has never met my son and i stopped sending pictures wen he denied being the father.  notice i say my son, thats because he has never done anything but talk about sending money.  but i feel that wen the time is right i will tell my son about his father, and i will let him choose if he would like to contact him or not.  only u know what kind of a man he is so i say go with ur intincts.  if u filed for child support u will have to have some type of contact with him. but other than that u dont need the extra headache.......GOOD LUCK!

babiieechulaox
by on Oct. 2, 2007 at 9:28 AM
your children are what comes first in your life. If youtr ex isnt going to be a goo dinfluence upon them or if hes going to be doing that shit then, its probaly a better thing if u just severe all ties. My dad used to be an alcoholic wen i wus little and wenever i would go and visit him, he would always yell at me and my brother and sister and he wus always mad and i grew up to be afraid of him. Besides, its not like hes helping the kids in any way. Hes not sending them money or even money to you to pay for them, hes not even the least bit concerned about getting to his own childs birthday on time. I say .. u let it go.
mghtymffn
by on Oct. 2, 2007 at 10:00 AM
i did not mean to offend you nor did i claim that you were stupid or did not have your children best interest at heart.  I am sure that you do and would never judge but i was commenting on the abuse  and your questions that you, yourself had ask.  I am not a mean person and do not appreciate the sarcasm in your response to mine but you don't have to worry, because this is my last response and i will no longer be part of this group.  Thank you all for the support that you have given thus far and I only wish the best in your situations.
xmanderzx
by on Oct. 2, 2007 at 10:08 AM
Honestly - that is what I did with my ex. I had to. That was the only way he was going to get it. I'm not 100% sure of your situation, you know it better. But with my ex - he felt as long as he said he was going to be there and get better than that was sufficient. Unfortunately he never followed through with it. I let him know that I didn't want to be with him ever again, because of the way he continued to treat me - no matter what he promised he would do/say. It was rough for the first month, but eventually he backed off. Recently I started to ignore his emails and I changed my phone #. He kept sending me emails and after a couple weeks I finally replied saying everything was fine with Ethan. That was 2 months ago and I haven't heard from him sense. If these guys really did care...they would take the initiative - back off and see what happens. Make him prove to you that he can take care of his son, but definitely set some boundaries... hopefully this helped and didn't come off as mean :)

Mylifemyson
by on Oct. 2, 2007 at 10:10 AM
Don't lose contact with him but in the same breath, don't call him. If he calls you that's fine, if you want to answer the phone. You don't have to call him anymore. And yes, it is best that you are not with him. The money..........don't stress over it. Is it possible you can get child support, through the court? Don't keep asking him for the money, you won't get it. You will drive yourself crazy trying to figure out why he is not sending it to you. Just forget it all together, easier said than done. I had to do it. He hated the fact that I never called him and stopped asking him for things. They can't stand that. Although I was struggling, I made it without him. After that, he realized he had better get his stuff together. I put him on child support without a warning. I know he didn't think I was just going to sit there and let him do my son like that. He knew I meant business after that and had no choice but to pay up.
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