I just wasn't going to do it. All i had ever seen on it on TV was couples, with the husband holding the woman and her practicing breathing techniques. All well and wonderful for woman who are with the baby's father, or with a different man whos understanding enough to help out with the birth process. Not so wonderful when you are single, and doing it on your own....especially in a new area without a lot of people that you know. But, a friend of mine had her third child in december. Her labour was only 1 1/2 hours long. With her first two, she had planned epidurals...that was the plan for the third...but it went so quick they told her no. She wasn't mentally prepared for the possibility of having to do it all natural. Now, as much as I would love to do it natural, I'm guessing I am probably going to wuss out and want an epidural...or at least knowing its there is wonderful. Either way...sometimes they don't work completely, and sometimes things don't go as planned...so i decided to sign up for the class. My mom said she would go with me...but admits she kind of wishes someone else was there. Her reasoning is that its hard to see your child going through so much pain. I went on saturday...after about 2 and a half hours...i grabbed my stuff and left. So did my mom. Everyone else in the class was there with their husband, except one other woman who was there with her mom, but is still together with her boyfriend/baby's father. Man....this class made me actually miss my ex. Made me miss a relationship for the first time since I left him. (hes abusive...in every way possible...and honestly, i'm scared of the guy...i have a restraining order...). All of the breathing techniques just had this closeness with the couple. The pictures on the wall about relieving back pain all had to do with the pregnant woman leaning in different positions on their husbands. The teacher kept talking about mom and dad this..mom and dad that...and relying on each other to help raise a baby. I felt SO ALONE.
I'm not saying that they should change the way these classes go really...I mean...I was, by far, the minority. But I do wish that they could have birthing classes for single women. That would be so amazing.....not only could it be geared more towards the individual....but other single pregnant moms could meet each other and have some sort of support system that way.
I agree with you! I thought about giong to a class, but realized i had no-one interested in going with me.
I did do it all natural though! lol
I didn't bother to go to the classes. I do agree though, it would be nice to have classes like that just for single moms.
I went to those classes.... if you go during the day its just a bunch of pregnant women.... I new I wouldn't have anyone there with me, but I figured the teacher would need an assistant. LOL I was right. I went to one evening class and it was a little awkward, and that's when another single mom told me about the morning classes
I met one of my best friends in this world in my pre-natal classes. She extended her friendship just as the class was ending and I am so grateful that I showed up for that class!
It sounds like you are going through a lot of the process that is unique to your life, just as all those couples are going through theirs. I understand how as a single mother, like other single mothers you feel the emotions of loss of the relationship....the fact is plenty of those couples will split up eventually, as you intellectually know.
Another resource for someone who would commit to and participate in your birth with you is a Douala or midwife in training.
The whole point of prenatal classes is to be prepared to make those essential desissions that will arise wither you as a pregnant woman "plan and prepare" or just find out at the last sec. The many feelings and the awareness of the dv roots of this time in your life are all part of the unique journey which you will glean the many gems and jewels of this path toward your birth.
I had my preferred friend decline to participate in the birth after asking specifically to be included. I did take the father, ours was a dv relationship, and I also had my bf who had herself had six children and I was Douala for her at her last birth before my birth.
I read so many books about birthing, home and hospital , and when I did go through my own without the drugs and with plenty of pain the marvel for me was that as I was looking at my newborn for the first moment after all that pain my very first thought was "I want to do this again".
The lesson of parenthood is clearly that we are by far more capable then we imagine.
My mother attended and afterward she told me that she was amazed by the experience. She spent her labor alone in a room and on the drugs of that era of medical interventions in labor.She was not comfortable with the struggle and so forth while it was in front of her, but afterward she was absolutely proud that her daughter faced that moment with determination and courage.
Using the medications is a choice ONLY if you have the awareness of this and that to make "a choice". Fear is a way of passively "making a choice". Women have not had the choices we do for very long. The globe declares ready or not, pretty much, you can do this ready or not.
I went with my mom to all the baby classes. We had alot of fun.
Birth classes for single moms- sounds like a great idea to me!
They don't neccessarily have to be for single moms but maybe you can find a doula in the area. Talk to the instructor and let her know how you feel. I did that at the hospital where I delivered my first and got great results. From the time I walked in the door it seemed as if the WHOLE entire hospital wanted to know where the dad was and kept asking for him. One of the nurses even asked was this a love child???? WTF because the dad wasn't there. I didn't want him there. I wanted all the people there that helped me DURING my pregnancy. Thats all. I talked to the director over the entire hospital and she was shocked and embarrassed and called a staff meeting that same week I talked to her. Now I realize I probably could have sued the hospital for the things that went on in there just by her quick response to the matter. Tell the instructor that she should be more sensitive to the needs of the women in the class without a husband/SO and use the word "partner" instead of husband/boyfriend. It's that simple
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survival tips for a new mom to be on her frist day as a single mom.
- Katharine1229
on Mar. 15, 2010 at 5:21 AM