Although I feel like I stepped in the wrong group sometimes, but i am going to ask anyway. I went from being a single parent for almost 6 years to being in committed relationship for almost seven years. When my ex walked out the way she did, my two older kids left during the whole transaction. My now 17 year old son thought I was aware of what was happening and he blames me. I wasn't and tried to explain that. I had two weeks come up with a plan of what I was going to do. My ex was already turning off different utilities in the house. The kids and I stayed in motel for about a month and half until I found an apartment. During that time, my sister was there after moving to Salt Lake City. She encouraged my kids to question my authority and not listen to me. I was so emotional and I didn't do very well at all at trying to stop that. I made attempts but she would always shut me down, I was still trying to deal with everything and place to live to eventually moving back to Nevada. Now I am dealing with lack of respect from son and trying to become a single parent again. Its been a year and I am still struggling with that part of it. The girls are tolerable. My son makes me want to leave the house and take a time out to keep from hurting him. Even his boss noticed the night after everything happen that the respect level changed. I am not sure how to deal with this. I managed to somehow convince my oldest daughter that my ex will never apologize what she did to our famiy. That was a challenged. I did get some good advice on that one, I was told not to contact her at all and I don't. As hard as that is. I deal with the closure that will never come. Its just dealing now with being a single parent again that I am seem to really struggling with. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
I wish i had advice for you, but i dont know, because i grew up with both parents.
My EX's parents divorced when he was 21, he handled it real bad, but after about 2 years, he just accepted it and got over it.
Wow!! U really be going through some things huh. I guess ur 17 yr. old son is mad at u for all the changes thats been going on and the whole situation. Even though it may not b ur fault, he is still young and he probalbly don't understand things right now. Ur sister, well she's dead wrong to be tyring to get ur children to not listen to you and shit. WTF is that?? R u and ur son in counseling together? As far as ur X, I don't really know what to say. I know it's hard to move on sometimes especially when our childrens' feelings are involved. You and ur kids will be fine. Things just take time. A lot of time sometimes. I wish ya'll da best of luck.
Thanks and No, we are not in counseling at all. It was suggested by a counselor in UT, they didn't want to go. I didn't push the issue. I think we were all too much in shock over everything that just happened. Then too, we were in a small hotel room in what felt like the middle of nowhere with no car. It just didn't happen. I am learning that it does take time. Its just dealing the attitude. I handled my 14 yo, recently when she started crying over what happend. She worried about it happening again. I reminded her that no matter what we are still a family. Its a statement that my 18 year old reminded me of when it came close to a year after everything happened. She also decided that we take that day and make it family day. She sees it as the day, we became a family. She still says at times that she is determining to get that apology even its by force. I told its not worth it. She send my ex and email and she was very rude in both responses. I reminded my daughter to just let it go. Not easy, its the way it is unfortunately.
Yw. I know its got 2 b hard on the kids. Ur daughter is only going to keep gettn hurt if she keeps trying to get an apology and the cold hearted bitch keeps responding in a mean negative way. What ever went on between u 2 should be between u 2. She shouldn't take it out on either of dem 3 children. It's never to late for family counseling. R yall n a better living situation now?? Did ya get a car?? I wished I can help u and ur family. I know how it is to want an apology or revenge on some one who hurts u or ur children. There is dat one person bout to be two dat I can NEVER forgive and will always have anger towards em. Dats my 2 baby daddies. I will tell u about dat another time. Do u have her mailing address. Maybe if ur daughter just wrote her a letter telling her how she feels and to just vent she will feel better. But, she has to undersand she may get no response or a negative response. It's all about writing dat shit on paper and trying to let the past go. Or just write it all down, read it 1 last time & ball it up & throw it away. Or burn it. Maybe dat will help.
Your sister was WRONG in what she encouraged your son to do. I would tell your son , that if he doesn't like what is going on and is insistant on being disrespectful when his FAMILY needs him most, then he can go live with his aunt. I can not believe an aunt would encourage a child to disrespect and question their parent.
Counseling, both individual and family, is a great idea. (especially for the 17 yr old). I agree with the PP that said to write down feelings and what you want to say to the ex and then rip it up, burn it or whatever...just don't send it. It sounds like your ex is as immature as your sister is. Just concentrate on your family, because that is what is important and what matters in the end. I would also be having a very long talk with sister dearest.
Quoting Nanasmom03:Yw. I know its got 2 b hard on the kids. Ur daughter is only going to keep gettn hurt if she keeps trying to get an apology and the cold hearted bitch keeps responding in a mean negative way. What ever went on between u 2 should be between u 2. She shouldn't take it out on either of dem 3 children. It's never to late for family counseling. R yall n a better living situation now?? Did ya get a car?? I wished I can help u and ur family. I know how it is to want an apology or revenge on some one who hurts u or ur children. There is dat one person bout to be two dat I can NEVER forgive and will always have anger towards em. Dats my 2 baby daddies. I will tell u about dat another time. Do u have her mailing address. Maybe if ur daughter just wrote her a letter telling her how she feels and to just vent she will feel better. But, she has to undersand she may get no response or a negative response. It's all about writing dat shit on paper and trying to let the past go. Or just write it all down, read it 1 last time & ball it up & throw it away. Or burn it. Maybe dat will help.
Thanks, I live in a 2bdrm apartment. Its not what we had we lived in a 4 bdrm or the three I lived in 8 years ago when it was just the 4 of us, its beats the hotel. Its an issue of working my way back up ladder. I know that it takes time. As far as a car, I don't drive. I have a phobia from being in several car accidents, its something that I plan to deal with, so that I can finish learning and get a car. I realized after having access to a car for almost 7 yrs, its hard to go back to the way things were. Its not killing me either. I don't have her mailing addresss. I have her email and my oldest has sent emails through myspace and explaining to her what her feelings were. The responses were negative, she started rambling on our relationship, same things that were in Dear Jane letter that she sent to me. My daughter told her that we were over it, she was the one that was struggling and her response made want to be a violent person. She was very cruel in her response. I reiterated the fact to my daughter that she has to accept that she will never get that apology anymore than I will get that closure. Its hard but its reality. I did get her a journal to help her deal with those feelings. I wrote a letter responding to the Dear Jane letter and that whole exit that I put in in a journal. I still need to burn which is something that I will do. It took me awhile to express those feelings, but it was done. I still cry over it sometimes. I know its normal and I am going to do that sometimes. I know this bothers my daughter because we always sat down and talked about things. This whole exit strategy was something out of the norm for them. I did talked to them at hotel later. A friend's mother talked to me and told me that I needed to understand that they were hurting over what happened. Counseling is something that I will look into. I don't have insurance anymore, but they do, so I will look into it.
Thanks, the kids were in UT this past weekend for a birthday and he was with his aunt. My oldest daughter said he kept asking to go home.I just learned from that whole ordeal, that I am not as strong as I thought and people will come in and take over a family in turmoil. I guess this is just an aftershock.
Quoting tyfry7496:Your sister was WRONG in what she encouraged your son to do. I would tell your son , that if he doesn't like what is going on and is insistant on being disrespectful when his FAMILY needs him most, then he can go live with his aunt. I can not believe an aunt would encourage a child to disrespect and question their parent.
Counseling, both individual and family, is a great idea. (especially for the 17 yr old). I agree with the PP that said to write down feelings and what you want to say to the ex and then rip it up, burn it or whatever...just don't send it. It sounds like your ex is as immature as your sister is. Just concentrate on your family, because that is what is important and what matters in the end. I would also be having a very long talk with sister dearest.
YW!! I am sorry to hear about ur phobia. Dats understandable. I had a fear of driving and I've only been in 1 minor accident as a child. I know what u mean about climbing back up the ladder. I just had to move in with my dad with my 2 kids. We r going to stay here until I get out of bebt. Then we will get our own place again. I really didn't want to do it, but I am thankful for his help. It's better than moving in with a guy I had just met. My kids love it. That's really all dat matters. I know I did what was best for my kids. It's definetely a better are too. N e way. The journal was a excellent idea. Hopefully ur daughter will realize we don't always get wat we want and she really needs to try to move on. Holdn on 2 anger and resentment like dat will definetily slow u down n life and it's not healthy.
I want to lose weight and get in shape..
- starchild321
on Mar. 20, 2010 at 12:51 AM