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"The Back Up Plan"

Posted by on May. 2, 2010 at 7:30 PM
  • 3 Replies

So ever since Jennifer Lopez's new movie came out the backup plan, with out even seeing it yet I knew that was my life. My friends Jessica watched the movie and heard my story and she said that I had to watch it... Its basicly the same thing.

I was in a bad relationships almost my whole life. For some reason I just clung to guys that were controling, lazy, violent, you name it, I found it. And it wasn't intentional. I had just gotten out of the final overbearing relationship. A few months go by and I meet up with this guy, we will call him Scott.

I have known Scott for 10 years. I met him in 7th grade art class. He was amongst the geeky kids with there comic books, technology and political talk (yes at his age!). I was friends with him all the way out through highschool. I had allways had a crush on him but I never thought I was good enough for him. I did eventualy end up asking him out to prom just as a friend, but he said he wasn't going to prom, which he didnt. He was the person I sat next to at the talent shows and he worked the switchboards and the lights.

This year we had been talking. When I got out of my 5th crappy relationship I moved into my moms and kept meeting him on my aim. We talked about so much. We had known each other, but yet we were learning so much more about each other. I had allways thought that Scott was the smartest kid on the planet... but then he would tell me he was constantly allways looking up authors and words that I would mention. The smartest kid in my school was trying to tell me I was smart! Then one day he asked me to lunch. I saved some of my tax refund for our lunch because I had lost my job at walmart. He ended up paying... Something I have never been used too, and then it started to dawn on me... Are we daiting??? I was so used to being treated like crap that I just wasn't used too any thing. He drove a ford focus and graduated from college and ended up getting his own office at the college. He still lived at his parents house but he was saving up and taking just a few more classes. Still unceartain of what he wants to do with his life. We hung out twice a week for three months. We never held hands, kissed, hugged. We just laughed, and exchanged kind words... like "I really enjoy your company"

Scott opened new doors for me.. Like going to school for four years. He brought me to his college, and for an instant the views of my future were more certain. I was going. No one was stopping me no more walmart and no more fast food.. Scott said that he wanted to see me happy. I had more support from him than I had ever had. 

Then I found out I was pregnant. Pregnant from my last relationship. My life was spinning out of control.

Scott ended up finding out on an accident. I havent seen his face since. I refuse to let him ruin his life over me.. He had worked so hard for the life he has... the money his parents gave him for prom he put in the bank. I was the first girl he ever really liked, his social life was consumed with school, and studying... and he was just pulling his life together. He and I were the ending peice to our lives. We call each other and still talk for hours... sometimes catch each other online. I am still going to college. I will be attending this fall, I am having the baby in October. I have a feeling God brought Scott to me for  areally good reason. I am just sad it had to end. He was probably the nicest guy I have ever met. Hopefuly one day when I finish school he will one day see me and say, wow she is one strong girl look how far she has come.

I cant wait to have my child and start my new life. I have so many new plans. I promised never to regret my child because it made me miss out on Scott. I do know I am going to miss my time with Scott though.

by on May. 2, 2010 at 7:30 PM
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by on May. 2, 2010 at 9:22 PM

Awww, that is a really sweet story. You know, relationships can continue even though an unexpected pregnancy came up. Scott may need time for everything to sink in, but he may come around! Ya never know!

However, what I want to touch on more than anything is your tendency to go to one abusive relationship after another.

I've read that if an "unhealthy" person walks into a room of 100 people (2 unhealthy/98 healthy) they will automatically be attracted to one of the unhealthy people. 

I don't know what your idea of "helping yourself" is...whether it be a therapist, reading books, talking to freinds...but I would definitely suggest doing it!

Believe it or not, it starts with you. The men that have been in your life are not the ONLY ones that brought the issues (that cause unhealthy relationships.) Both people (you and the unhealthy guy) bring those unhealthy qualities equally!!

The first step to ending that cycle is looking inside yourself, basically finding the reason you are the way you are, finding ways to repair it or get past it in some way, then taking some time to heal. 

Abusive relationships do cause long-term damage. Damage that can cause you to believe deep inside that you are not trustworthy, not respectable, not loveable, and most of all, worthless. (These are the qualities that abusive men are attracted to and built upon with their abuse!!)

It is up to you to repair that damage, find the you that KNOWS you ARE respectable, loveable and WORTHWHILE again. Once you see it inside of yourself, you will exude it. It will take time, patience and LOVE (from you, to you.) Love yourself again!!!

Once that will be a magnet! But not to scumbags! You will attract respectful, loving, worthy men. And they are out there! Scott, as sweet as he is/was, is not the only one! If you end up with him, great! But there are other men out there who can treat you and love you equally well...and some maybe even better!

by on May. 3, 2010 at 1:53 AM

Agreed- if he's as wonderful as you think a baby will not change that.  Just wait and see what happens- he may surprise you but if it really matters to him then know that you deserve an even better man and need to wait until you find him.

by on May. 3, 2010 at 11:42 AM

I have to say that my child is going to be the one thing that has changed my views on guys. I know what I want and dont want in my life. I wont hesitate to turn down every guy that comes to me with a red flag. I now know not to ignore them. I know a guy looking to be my hero though is completely out of the question because I want to be stronger than that. Im bringing myself out of this whole, and I am going to work hard at it, and its going to pay off. I believe that the reason you go into relationships, is to build on your lives together. If I start building my life one day I may find a guy who is where I am at life and together we can build our lives. That is what companionship is about in my eyes. Until then I am in no hurry. I have school, a job, and a car to get... I have to get back on my feet. A guy in my mind now can wait, or for all I care never come around. So long as I have my child and my family I am happy. Thank you so much for all of your advice. It has certainly been taken to heart.

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