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Really tired of the dead beat dad act....

Posted by on May. 24, 2010 at 7:36 AM
  • 11 Replies

So for a long time, I thought it was just me and couldnt believe my ex would act this way. But now I see so many of you guys saying the same thing and it makes me even angrier!  I was married when we had my DD, and it was both of our decisions to get pregnant. Short story, he was abusive and I left when she was 6 weeks old. For the first ten months of her life, he gave me NOTHING. I woud beg him for $20, or a box of diapers. But he always had some lame excuse... he had bills to pay.. his truck broke down... his parents needed money. I heard excuse after excuse for 10 months until finally I took him to court and started getting CS taken from his paycheck.

I dont get the game these guys play. Dont they understand we dont care about whatever stupid excuses they have NOT to pay for their kids?  We are the ones raising them. If I'm short on money one week, I just cant say "oh well, then DD doesnt eat today" or "I have bills to pay, so no diapers for her this week!" We HAVE To find a way to support our kids. We put our kids first and then pay our bills with whats left. Why do guys think it should be any different for them!  I dont care if you dont have a job... you obviously feed and clothe yourself somehow every day!  so figure out a way to do it for your kids too!!!!

My ex would tell me it was my choice to leave him, so why should he help me out? HELLO!  I left the marriage.. that doesnt mean you get to suddenly stop being her father!  Whether we are together or not, you are still her father!  Act like it! Sorry, it just gets me so upset.

by on May. 24, 2010 at 7:36 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Solo_Fan
by on May. 24, 2010 at 8:21 AM

 Oh I competely understand where you are coming from on this.  I have been a full time single parent for 14 yrs now.  I am glad you took him to court for CS.  There are alot of single Mom's out there that will not take the ex to court for CS

judithannhillar
by on May. 24, 2010 at 9:01 AM

Mine was such an idiot, (I thank the good Lord daily that I had enough sense NOT to marry him, or he would have wiped me out and not just our child) but in our worst fight ever... after I'd gotten him an interview of his life at Intel after working there one summer as they hired English teachers as tech writers and I made friends w/ the HR gals. Anyway, he had a son from his 1st marriage, and she left him after Christian was 5 week's old and never looked back. But he NEVER missed with every other weekend visit w/ his son. He'd drive clear up to Williams, 3 hour's drive to get him for 48 hours visit and then drive him back. We fought over the naming of a dog a student gave to me and my baby daughter, Olivia. I had told Christian, then about 6 that when he got here we would all name the dog together... Christian mom's married a very wealthy guy and lived on a ranch with many pets and animals, so naming them was no biggie to him. But they walked in and Brian announed that Christian had named the dog Sparkie. I said, "Over my dead body will I have a Louisa May Allcat and a Henry David Thoreau and a Sparky. That was not the deal...was it Christian?" and Brian went OFF on me for LYING to his son. Which I had NOT done. It got ugly fast... and finally it hit me... and I said, "Hey, the problem here.. the REAL problem...is that you love HIM more than you love her." And he thought as best as he was capable of any real thought... and admitted that yes, he supposed he did, because he "was older." I lost it. I screamed at him, "Everyone has known him longer. HE'S OLDER, you idiot." That was it. He had never paid a penny toward our living expenses... nope, with his first paycheck, he bought new tires, which he badly needed as his were bald. With his 2nd check, he bought his parents a new bed and mattress as they had had the same one the entire 35 years of their marriage. Here I was teaching f/t and p/t at ASU and MCC and I had TWO infants to feed, launder, clean up after, cook for, iron for, pay all the bills for. I didn't mind doing all I could for my precious baby girl... at two, thinking he could get away without paying any CS ever, he signed away all his parental rights. Thank God he IS so stupid. We agreed to go our separate ways and did... our deal said though, that if I were to get ill or unemployed, he had to pay support. The State of AZ will not allow a parent to divorce a child, period. The child is entitled to the support of BOTH parents. And low and behold, no lie, a year later I was diagnosed with MS. Still, I didn't get any help from him when I asked. I had to move back here from VA, go to court and fight for those rights and she was awarded nice support at age SEVEN... but now, at 14, she is getting half what she was supposed to get as he got a girlfriend pregnant and whined and cried to the judge's advocate that he had another mouth to feed. I pointed out that that mouth was still in utero... so he wasn't exactly feeding it yet. God, how can that man stay employed at the job I helped him get now 13 years ago?? Amazing. They have 2 children now, Christian aged out and NEVER goes to see Brian... Olivia hates him.... he could see her any time, but has managed only to do so about twice a year, and wouldn't have done that if not for his wife, who is really quite lovely. Why she settles for him, I haven't a clue. And now he's fat and totally bald. At least he used to be built and pretty cute. Well, his children are!!! I got the best of them all! She is a living doll and always has been. His loss all the way around.

Judith Ann Hillard

www.addictionovercome.com

author of The Other Woman at the Well: a truthful accounting of addiction overcome

bxmom2580
by on May. 24, 2010 at 9:10 AM

I DEFINATELY FEEL WERE YOU ARE COMEING FROM, TO BE HONEST THOUGH, I DID NOT TAKE THE EX FOR CS, WE DONT NEED HIS MONEY, ALL I ASK OF HIM IS TO JUST BE HERE HERE FOR HIS KIDS, AND HE DOESNT EVEN DO THAT, HE'S TOO BUSY SNIFFING HIS NEW GF ASS OVER WERE HE'S AT, HE BARELY EVEN CALLS OUR BOYS

IT'S GOOD YOU TOOK THE EX FOR CHILD SUPPORT THOUGH, HE NEEDS TO HELP OUT, AND I WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND WHY MEN THINK ONCE THE RELATIONSHIP IS OVER, THEY THINK THEY DONT HAVE TO BE FATHERS ANYMORE.

Solo_Fan
by on May. 24, 2010 at 9:18 AM

 I just dont understand guys.  My ex has not seen his son since he was 3 yrs old.  My son is now 15 yrs old.  My ex had his step son hunt down my son.  He found him on facebook.  My ex's family all of a sudden want to know my son.  My son blocked all of them on facebook and myspace.  My son wants nothing to do with is father.  12 yrs of no communication or bday gifts or xmas gifts.  I wrote my ex and told him Tyler's feelings of not wanting to know him or his family.  I told him not to contact him.  Tyler will get a hold of him if he changes his mind.   So far....ex has left us alone.  His lame excuse for no communication all these years..... I didnt think you wanted me in your lives and I didnt know how to find you.  Hhmmmm  first part true because he is very abusive in all ways.  Second is not true....friend of the court.

Singlemomks
by on May. 24, 2010 at 11:13 AM

 I wonder the same thing. I don't understand how guys don't think they are responsible for their kids. Hell, I am currently having my CS modified and he is raising holy hell on it. Blows my mind. Hello?? It costs MONEY to raise kids. It's not like I am asking for more because I want to go to Europe! UGH! I so hate men right now!

MamaFLgurl
by on May. 24, 2010 at 11:23 AM

I understand 100%. I always wonder this about "boys" that don't help out with their children "did they have a father themselves,cuz if they did then they would know how wonderful it is to have a father there for him and he would/shouldwant to be the same way, OR if he didn't have a father then he would know how it felt to long for a father, to wonder what if and why his own father didn't want to be around and that he wouldn't want to put his own child through that.Ofcourse it sadly doesnt work out that way....but it's their loss!!!!

faerie75
by Ruby Member on May. 24, 2010 at 11:36 AM

sounds exactly how my ex was.

time will go by and you will get over being angry. doesnt mean you think its right. but being angry all the time just eats you up.

my ex pays me now by choice (excpet for when hes laid off like rt now) but basically i try to make my budget so that if he screws me over i am not depending on him. should i be able to? yes but nothing is guaranteed. 

 
        
         

midnightstar21
by on May. 24, 2010 at 4:56 PM

BUMP!

Iamme21
by on May. 24, 2010 at 7:10 PM

I agree with you. My ex would give me money if he is working but hasn't for the past few months. Before that it was off and on for 3 yrs. All he tells me is he doesn't have a job what do i expect him to do. I told him it doesn't matte if you work or not they still need things like clothes and lights and stuff. God forbid something happened to me what would happen to my kids.. Lately he does this I'm going to send you some money so i wait and nothing he doesn't even bother to call and admit he spent it. Why would you promise me something and then do nothing it just gets worse and worse.Hope things get better for you soon

asimpson8204
by on May. 25, 2010 at 7:55 AM

I totally agree. It gets so old. All they have are freaking excuses. I am so glad i don't have to deal with my son's father. He hasn't seen him since his 5th birthday and only about 4 times before that and that was only because of his mother. He is a POS and always will be. Currently past due on his regular payments plus has a nice chunk in arrears but the state of Florida does nothing about it. I have the same issue with my daughters father except I have taken him to child support yet because I don't have the money to get her birth certificate... it is not like it would actually do me any good anyway!

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