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Moral debate with myself....

Posted by on Jun. 26, 2010 at 9:07 PM
  • 3 Replies

I will try to keep this short....

So, my ex's family has not seen my boys in 3 years. Since the youngest was a newborn. We were close for a while then things went sour for him and they blamed me. We quit talking as much and emailing, then my computer broke and I had no way to really talk to them much but the phone. They are over 1300 miles away from me. We have not spoken in a year. (emailed about 7 months ago.) This is mostly dude to them being rude and just telling me they were visiting and bring my ex. He has seen the kids 3 hours in 3 years. I didn't feel it was right for them just to invite him. If he wants to come, he is a big boy (35) he can call me or email me himself. Not team up with mommy and daddy and brother. I feel in my heart that I want to include them but always cannot get through to them about lines, as in don't invite my ex along if he hasn't even spoken to me. I have been honest and up front with them but now find myself ignoring their emails for the last 7 months. Do I try again and spell it all out again if it gets to that point or just forget it? I don't know what to do to make them understand! I want to include them but almost at a distance....they are not my family. I have met them 4x in 5 years.....I don't think this gives them the right to try to take over, but how do I go about being nice but not just let them take over? They don't get hints.....sigh. I feel like an awful person for this but what do I do?

by on Jun. 26, 2010 at 9:07 PM
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Replies (1-3):
sterlingxheart
by on Jun. 27, 2010 at 10:34 AM
Don't feel awful. Its good that you're standing your ground. I agree about your view of them bringing him. If HE wants to see them so bad, then HE can make that move. Do they still try calling or is it just strictly e-mail? I would wait and see if he contacts you because its not fair if they just decide to bring whoever they damn well pleasend act like the best family ever when they haven't even been part of your children's lives.
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LovinKayla
by on Jun. 27, 2010 at 2:29 PM

I went through this when my dd was a newborn. Her father knew that I didn't want him around. Because he stressed me so bad and my milk would start to dry up. So he'd get his mom to make arrangements to come see the baby. And the next thing I knew the knock on the door would be his mom, step dad, brother, my daughters father and soooo many more people form his family. It would become overwhelming for me. And I would eventually have to ask them all to leave. I finally quit letting them blindside me like that. And when she'd call I'd ask, I need to know who all is coming? I need to know before hand. After a while his mom just quit calling to come for visits.

I use to feel guilty about it because I never wanted to be the baby's mama that didn't let the family be a part of the baby's life. Well fast forward 6 years and although they don't see her often they call and talk to her and send her stuff all the time. I don't feel guilty about choices I made 6 years ago that in the long run kept myself and my daughter healthy.

ROP
by on Jun. 27, 2010 at 6:22 PM

Yeah, I wouldn't really mind them coming for a visit....but for a VISIT not a STAY and they seem to get the two confused rather easily. I just am so scared to go ahead and respond to their last email from a month ago because if I am nice to them then they take it the wrong way and think we are going on great terms again and I'm just trying to be respectful as their grandsons mother, ya know? I just wish they wouldn't invite my ex along. I don't care too much about them it is just why would he not just call and ask if he could tag along or email etc.....I mean it was the week before they were supposed to be visiting this time last year and I got a card 4 days before and it said that them and my ex couldn't wait to see the kids so I called it all off. Ugh...ugh....ugh...

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