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Yesterday

Posted by on Aug. 7, 2010 at 10:15 AM
  • 8 Replies

So. Really Im not sure if I should make this into one post or two... Ill just include it all in one so people arent confused.

 

 Gabby (my dd who is 6) met her dad for the first time yesterday. They had a blast otgether and he did amazing. It was like he knew what to do from the get go. He has no other kids, DD is the only. They played at the park, while I sat on the bench. She kept giggling going Daddy Daddy. Made my heart melt. Today we will be hanging out as well, just not sure what we will do yet. I knew hed be a great dad, or else I wouldnt have let it happen.

For the first time in 7 years, from pregnancy til now. I never had anyone to share the joys of being a parent. I had never had anyone be excited over milestones, such as teeth, rolling over, laughing, her even kicking me, or the cute things she did on ultra sound. So today when it was the three of us, it felt so right. for the first time we were able to sit back together, and adore OUR beautiful daughter.

 

He held my hand, he kissed me, he hugged me.  He said sexual things to me, which is okay, I wouldnt allow it from anyone else, but hes always been sexual and if I would be sexual it would have been fun. But Im not a very sexual person, the thought of sex grosses me out. yuck! He thanked me for being an awesome mom and taking care of OUR daughter. It felt so right. We still had that AMAZING connection that we have ALWAYS had since the day we met, ontop of being connected by Gabby. For once, I felt like I could trust someone. I felt like I could give my heart completely to him and trust him. Again, It felt sooo efffing right.

 

But in between our park hopping with our daughter, he asks if we want to go to his house to meet his Jess. I knew he had had a gf, but he told me the other day they were broken up and he was moving into his Grandmas for now, until they worked things out, but he wasnt sure if he wanted that. So When he asks to go meet her I said it was not fair what so ever for Gabby to see him kissing and hugging me and then go meet his "GF" and he said he completely understood (which shouldnt be hard to understand in the first place) I thought that maybe it was he was just wanting to show his daughter off. So I didnt let the fact that he even thought about that upset me.

He text me a few times during work about how he couldnt wait to see us today and how we are his family now , blah blah blah.  Then at 1am he got off work and he called me asking me if JESS COULD GO WITH US TODAY!! REALLY!?!? I was so pissed off. I told him no, it would be way to awkward for me. He said he wants to include her in all this to. I was so upset. After him kissing me, hugging me and everything else he wanted to bring his gf with us? It makes me sick he even thought it was okay. I started crying and told him how I felt. I was like for 7 years I have done this by my self, and I dont even know how much longer I can do it. He kept reassuring me that Im not alone anymore, and hell always be there. and no one can ever take away what we have. And how his gf understands him and i have an unbreakable bond that will never be broken. I just feel so bad that he brought this to another level and now this has to do with HIM and I and not our daughter. I feel so selfish though even for a second I lost focus on this being about my daughter.

I just want to cry. I had everything I ever wanted for my daughter and myself right there, for 4 hours.  And now its gone. When we leave oklahoma and go back to Kansas, its not going to be all of us. I just dont know I really dont know. Im so confused, hurt, and guilty right now.

I know that this was supposed to be about THEIR relationship and I know it should have remained about only them, but I have no insecurities about them. I have always known hed be a great dad. Thats why I Was so persistant to find him.  but when you see someone that you have always been in love with for the first time in 7 years, and you still have that connection you had when you first met its hard to not involve emotions. I just dont know what to do.  But Im so thankful my daughter now has her dad and that they had an awesome time, and I know hell be a great dad and I guess thats all I can do right now.

We then go our seperate ways and he goes to work. He texts me a few times

by on Aug. 7, 2010 at 10:15 AM
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Replies (1-8):
jeepingirrl
by on Aug. 7, 2010 at 10:47 AM

First off I am glad your daughter had a great time! Why has he not been involved in her life up to this point?

As far as him kissing you...you need to put a stop to that. He has a girlfriend who he obviously is wanting to bring around. It is unacceptable for him to be kissing you. If I were you I would certainly keep it just about him having a relationship with his daughter. Anything else is going to get complicated and messy.

Tell him if he needs to ask you something about your daughter to go ahead and call or text but anything aside from that there just really is no reason for the two of you to be communicating. I would do this just to save your own feelings. It is obvious he wants to feel you a line of shit as well as his girlfriend but at the end of the day he is going with his GF....so it would probably be best for you to keep an emotional distance.

adulation
by on Aug. 7, 2010 at 10:50 AM

I remember when Lila was about 8 months old and hadn't seen her dad in about 6 months... he came over and i made him lunch and then we went to the park and he was playing with Lila and being a dad and it was really nice... i felt like i fell in love with him all over again.  so we started to try our relationship again, but it just got in the way of his relationship with lila because he was still in a relationship with another woman. 

so anyway.  i know that feeling you felt.

over time ive tried to be dman's friend and we've emailed and talked a few times but it just makes the situation worse.  i realized it's best if i just dont talk to him at all unless it's to make plans for him to see Lila. that's all i can really suggest.  dont hug or kiss or be romantic.

He should understand if you dont want his curren gf around and he should respect that. at least he asked first..  that kind of thing takes time.


Mommyof2n0308
by on Aug. 7, 2010 at 10:59 AM

 

]I know. I totally tried keeping my emotions out of this, I tried soooo hard. But the second he held my hand and put his arm around me, and started saying how much he missed me in his life. I couldnt just keep this strictly about her because I knew feelings would come back when we started hanging out. I wasnt just going to drop her off alone with him.

Today we are going to the zoo, Im going to just let them do what they want to do and I will walk behind them or whatever with Kaesyn, and just totally stay out of it!! So here goes nothin.. hopefully him and I can sit down and I can set the rules straight.

I guess Im upset because I usually have control of situations but this one I feel totally out of control, and I have to take control ASAP!!

jeepingirrl
by on Aug. 7, 2010 at 11:36 AM


Quoting Mommyof2n0308:


]I know. I totally tried keeping my emotions out of this, I tried soooo hard. But the second he held my hand and put his arm around me, and started saying how much he missed me in his life. I couldnt just keep this strictly about her because I knew feelings would come back when we started hanging out. I wasnt just going to drop her off alone with him.

Today we are going to the zoo, Im going to just let them do what they want to do and I will walk behind them or whatever with Kaesyn, and just totally stay out of it!! So here goes nothin.. hopefully him and I can sit down and I can set the rules straight.

I guess Im upset because I usually have control of situations but this one I feel totally out of control, and I have to take control ASAP!!

I get the whole not being able to control emotions...this happens to me a lot also. It is hard because I would not just drop her off with him either...so you being there is kinda a must! I guess the best thing to do is if he puts his arms around you or tries to kiss you just tell him no. Remind him that he has a GF and you come second to no one. Tell him you would like things to stay on a good level so he needs to stop with his advances.

Mommyof2n0308
by on Aug. 7, 2010 at 11:50 AM

Yeah I totally feel that today I am go to be able to do that. He says that regardless of how his gf feels he will always be connected to me. And he would still tell me and give me a kiss with her there and its something shed have to get over, because I am the mother of his child and blah blah. So tonight I think him and I are just going to have to sit down and talk. I just hate all these emotions. This guy was the love of my life. He moved closer to me when we were teenagers so we could be together, my diary from 16-19 is ALLL about him. My favorite memories of highschool are all with him. Its so hard to seperate this but its what I gotta do.. so here goes nothing... here we goooo.. UGHHH sighhhh..

adulation
by on Aug. 7, 2010 at 12:48 PM

how long has he been with his current gf?    he reminds me of lila's dad.  he wants to keep his options open, so he wants to keep you on a string.  if things dont work out with the gf he still has you.  by wasting time and emotions on him youll just hold yourself back from meeting someone actually worth it. 

it took me over 2 years to realize it.  =\

 


Mommyof2n0308
by on Aug. 7, 2010 at 8:01 PM

Yeah, I dunno. Im just so upset that he let me see how perfect things COULD be, and then it all went away. I cant stop crying or anything. I just dunno.

Mommyof2n0308
by on Aug. 7, 2010 at 8:07 PM

Hes been with his current gf for ALMOST a year.

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