I know he's been seeing someone for a while. He had the nerve to tell me last month when he thought I was dating that he was going out with a woman and she wanted a relationship but he didnt want that with her. You see, according to him, he has chosen to be "selfless," and deny himself a satisfying relationship with a woman so our son won't have to compete with another person or child. So, being the selfless person that he is, he's only gonna have casual sex. That's bulls**t, but I'm not willing to argue with him.
Why do I wanna know? Cause I'm trying to torture myself. I honestly don't want him. After way too much emotional abuse I left him in my second month of pregnancy. After the baby was born, I fell back in love, but that was short lived due to his games. Then I went through a period of wanting to be with him so our son could have both his parents under the same roof. Mind you, he yelled at me all throughout the pregnancy, saying this is what he wanted. Of course until I agreed and then he said that wasn't what was best.
As a person, I don't really like him, I have no respect for him, when I look at him, I see a DOG, not a man. I feel sad over what my son is going to see as a role model growing up. My ex does come visit almost daily, he'll change a diaper and play with the baby so for that I'm grateful. He's also finally starting to help out financially. So if I genuinely don't want him, what's my problem? Maybe he was right, maybe I'm the problem. Even though I don't think he was ever really that into me, even though he passionately fought for me to return every time I left, he treated me like shit. He never wanted to compromise and after he realized he had me, he stopped paying attention. Until I left of course.
So anyway, I'll get to the point. He has a way of blaming me for everything that went wrong. Whenever I tried to express a concern, he would interrupt and go on for hours about how what he did was my fault, including his temper. After 2 years, he's finally starting listening. So getting back to my problem. What if he works it out with this woman, any woman, has a successful relationship, and treats her like a queen? What was wrong with me? How come he couldn't treat me like one? What if they get married and have children, and he takes care of her during her pregnancy? How come he treated me so badly? I know I have no control over what he does, but it still hurts.
To make matters worse, he admitted to me that he expects me to stay single. He explained that I don't know what the future holds for "us." That I should just be satisfied with being a mom and nothing else. He picked fight after fight with me when he thought I was dating. I finally told him that I was taking a class, so now he's calm. The problem is, he told me that once I get in a relationship, that he's gonna create problems. He doesn't want anyone other man raising his son. But even though he's not searching one out, he may just get into a relationship with another woman. But I'm still expected to be single till our son grows up. I don't know what other people think, but isn't this selfish?
Well, I've ranted and raved enough. Thank you for being here.