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Hurt by BFF (need to vent)

Posted by on Aug. 31, 2010 at 1:40 PM
  • 11 Replies

Okay I'll make this is short as possible but I need to vent! 

BFF and I have known each other for 15 years.  We have been BFFs since we met, just clicked instantly.   We don't live in the same town--not even the same state and haven't for 13 or 14 years!  But we never went more than 2 days without talking.  We have been through A LOT together.   She has always been right there when I needed her, and vice versa.   Last June when my Aunt died, she flew to where I live just so she could drive the 8 hrs with me so I could go to the funeral.  I had no family here at that time and no one to watch my boys.  There has never been anything we keep from each other, NOTHING....until April of this year.  She broke a promise to my oldest son, 8 yrs old.   She never even called to talk to him about it (unlike her...in the past she has called just to talk to him!!)....since then things have been completely different.    We didn't speak from the end of April until July.  I had tried to reach out to her but got no responses.  She called me one day in July to tell me she was pregnant (turns out she got pregnant right around the time she was to come here...but said she was too sick to travel).   I have sent her three emails since then, she has sent one. (the last two I sent have gone unresponded to).   

Here's the kicker.....last night ON FACEBOOK, I find out she's getting married in October.   I am seriously hurt that she wouldn't even call to tell me that.   

It was one thing to deal with the end of my marriage, but how do you deal with the end of a friendship when there was really no "end"....no fight, no misunderstanding.   She put her (now apparently fiance) ahead of everyone else (which don't get me wrong, I think he should be a priority over friends)....well not just ahead of everyone else but she isn't talking to anyone.   From what  I understand she has been ignoring everyone--and I mean EVERYONE!  Through the post on facebook it is very obvious that those she was always close to never even knew she was getting married.

 

Sorry longer than I intended but needed to vent!!

by on Aug. 31, 2010 at 1:40 PM
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Replies (1-10):
BellaBear
by on Aug. 31, 2010 at 1:45 PM

 Maybe you could send her an email and tell her congrats but then ask her why she is being distant from you

lissa27504
by on Aug. 31, 2010 at 1:51 PM


Quoting BellaBear:

 Maybe you could send her an email and tell her congrats but then ask her why she is being distant from you


did that with regards to the pregnancy and she responded with "I haven't been distant from anyone, I'm trying to figure a few things out."    I replied by stating "We haven't spoken for  7 weeks,  yes I do take responsibility for my part in that but you haven't tried to contact me or responded to any contact I tried to make with you."  I said some other things, not so rude or blunt but never got a response.  Then sent one other email --- just a general "hey, how are you?   Hope the pregnancy is going well.  Do you know what you are having?" and no response to that.      her response "I haven't been distnct from anyone" also makes me think that others have said something to her as well.

ame4c
by Group Admin on Aug. 31, 2010 at 2:01 PM

 I personally would think something bad was up.  Maybe her fiance is abusive and jealous??? You don't know and it's hard to tell when they hide things.  I would keep trying because you care and it could be that she REALLY needs you right now, but can't reach out.

Don't give up on a true friendship until she tells you too.

lissa27504
by on Aug. 31, 2010 at 2:04 PM

We all (those of us that are mutual friends) know that her fiance is no good.   He cheated on his first wife to be with her.  She left him as soon as she found out he was married...and also cheating on her (he had two or three other girlfriends back then).    She got back together with him a few years ago, broke up because he was cheating on her, now she's back with him---pregnant and getting married!!!   So I know she knows none of us really like him (even though I and at least two others--that are local to her--have never met him).   I made it clear in two of the three emails that I don't care about his past, as long as he's treating her right NOW.  As long as he takes care of her and the baby that's what is important.

Hard not to give up when it's been one-sided.  I will NEVER turn my back on her.  If this doesn't work out for her and she was to contact me, I'm here for her, no matter what.   If it does work out and they have more kids and she contacts me, I'm here for her.

ame4c
by Group Admin on Aug. 31, 2010 at 2:11 PM

 Yeah it sounds like she is making a wrong choice and will need her friend when it's time.  Hang in there.  I know it's hard to see someone you care about making the wrong choices, but we must all learn our lessons in our own way.

ame4c
by Group Admin on Aug. 31, 2010 at 2:12 PM

 P.S. She's lucky to have you for a friend.

faerie75
by Ruby Member on Aug. 31, 2010 at 3:25 PM
I think he's still no good and she knows it but don't want to hear it. She seems a bit impulsive.
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calgalmeg
by on Aug. 31, 2010 at 3:40 PM

She's probably just afraid you'll be upset about what she is doing.  Be supportive and know that you'll be the one there for her when it goes wrong again.  You are a great friend.

Quoting lissa27504:

We all (those of us that are mutual friends) know that her fiance is no good.   He cheated on his first wife to be with her.  She left him as soon as she found out he was married...and also cheating on her (he had two or three other girlfriends back then).    She got back together with him a few years ago, broke up because he was cheating on her, now she's back with him---pregnant and getting married!!!   So I know she knows none of us really like him (even though I and at least two others--that are local to her--have never met him).   I made it clear in two of the three emails that I don't care about his past, as long as he's treating her right NOW.  As long as he takes care of her and the baby that's what is important.

Hard not to give up when it's been one-sided.  I will NEVER turn my back on her.  If this doesn't work out for her and she was to contact me, I'm here for her, no matter what.   If it does work out and they have more kids and she contacts me, I'm here for her.


The PUBLIC Single Moms Group  Group Mod

The PUBLIC forum for Single Moms to get together for support.

ame4c
by Group Admin on Aug. 31, 2010 at 5:06 PM
Quoting faerie75:

I think he's still no good and she knows it but don't want to hear it. She seems a bit impulsive.
I agree and she is probably ashamed of her choice, otherwise she would be shouting it to the world that she was getting married.

     ame4c





 

lissa27504
by on Aug. 31, 2010 at 8:59 PM

Thanks ladies!       Just so sad that she feels the need to hide everything when this should be an extremely happy time for her (as we all know!)   It's her first baby, first (oh I shouldn't need to say first!!!) marriage.    

thanks again :)

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