Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

help! I need advice

Posted by on Aug. 31, 2010 at 4:41 PM
  • 9 Replies

hi, so this is my situation...I started dating my babys father last year in may, we were sort of together until november, because I found out that he actually had a girlfriend for the last 3 years...of course I broke up with him, the problem was that 2 days later I found out I was pregnant.  I told him and he wanted nothing to do with the baby...when I was about 6 months pregnant he came back (telling me he had broken up with his girlfriend), we got back together for about 2 months but he was weird about everything the whole time..he ended up breaking up with me one night at 3 in the morning and we didnt talk at all after that...when my baby was a month old he showed up,  he wanted to be part of her life, but, he had gotten back together with his girlfriend who of course hates me and my baby...I tried letting him and his family in for a while, but the one time I went over to his house with emma (our daughter), his girlfriend had a fit and his family decided I shouldnt go to his house anymore, that was the first problem, after that he said he was coming over on a saturday to see emma, but he didnt show up, I found out it was because he was in therapy with his girlfriend, so I exploded and told him never to show up or call me again....I am stupid and I do have feelings for him, and right now I am in college, and raising a 7 week old baby...am I wrong or weak because I cant deal with him...or is it the healthy thing to do?

by on Aug. 31, 2010 at 4:41 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-9):
MILFInProgress
by on Aug. 31, 2010 at 4:50 PM

Well you should let him in the babies life for her sake. She is little for unsupervised visits but maybe you have a mutual friend or third party person who could maybe take her to visit and bring her back. Less contact for you is better.

kcook55
by on Aug. 31, 2010 at 4:54 PM

i agree with pp than that way you dont even have to see him?? maybe get a court order for visits

amandaemma
by on Aug. 31, 2010 at 4:55 PM

he lies so much...I dont know if I trust him around her....

kcook55
by on Aug. 31, 2010 at 4:59 PM


Quoting amandaemma:

he lies so much...I dont know if I trust him around her....

that's why you get someone else to supervise the visits and its not about you or him its about the baby having a relationship with her mom and dad. and i would still get a court order to protect yourself and your daughter 


MILFInProgress
by on Aug. 31, 2010 at 5:01 PM


Quoting kcook55:


Quoting amandaemma:

he lies so much...I dont know if I trust him around her....

that's why you get someone else to supervise the visits and its not about you or him its about the baby having a relationship with her mom and dad. and i would still get a court order to protect yourself and your daughter 

This. And get child support while you are at it.

amandaemma
by on Aug. 31, 2010 at 5:06 PM

oh...he hasnt helped with money AT all.....

ame4c
by Group Admin on Aug. 31, 2010 at 5:23 PM

 o.k. is his name on the birth certificate?  I ask because if it is, he has just as many parental rights as you do at this point and you NEED to get custody established in the court system and get child support set up through the courts, they can and will add back child support.

If his name isn't on the birth certificate you have a choice.  You have FULL custody at this time and do not have to let him see her at all.  You can leave it up to him to take you to court and get custody established, but with this option, you don't get child support until he takes you to court.  If you take him to court to get child support you run the risk of him asking for custody/visitation.

Personally, I would take his ass to court and have him pay child support, especially if he wants to be a part of the childs life.  He helped make that baby he needs to help support it.  The visitation can be set up as supervised and he has to pay someone from the courts to supervise the visits or he can't see the baby.  If he doesn't comply with that, then the courts will not give him overnights when the baby gets older (usually around 3-4).

amandaemma
by on Aug. 31, 2010 at 5:40 PM

his name is not on the birth certificate because he disapeared until emma was a month old....I know that if he helps me out with money he will give me the minimum so I dont know if its worth it....I am so sick of him, his lies, he has hurt me way to many times, and he already started letting her down by not showing up to his visit...I am so pissed off at him, and so hurt that he is actually going to therapy to fix things with a girlfriend but he cant see his own daughter.....plus last time we talked he spoke very agressivly towards her....insulting me and her....so Im just overwhelmed with it all...and very confused about what is best....my mom says that right now in order to be a good mother I have to be ok, and in order to be ok I need him out lof my life....and that makes sense, but I feel bad for taking emmas father out of her life....I just really dont want him, his family or girlfriend to have anything to do with her.....

Mommy2BeAt15
by on Aug. 31, 2010 at 5:50 PM
Ok I don't wanna be mean but it might sound a little like that. You have no right to take his daughter from him just cause u can't get over the fact that he loves his gf and not u. I no it hurts but u were pretty much nothing but a side thing and ended up having a baby with him in the process. You now have to be a grown up and take ur fillings out of it, its no longer about u and him its about her. Just because he is trying to work out him relationship problems with her doesn't mean he doesn't love emma. You should let him see her supervised. Ask him when he is not busy to come see her. Don't chose a day to where he has something else important to do. His relationship with his gf is important also he loves her. So he should go to therapy with her fi he needs to. If u can't handle being around him then let ur mom or someone else u trust be there when he sees her. She needs her father and u have no right to take him out of her life cause ur mad and hurt by him. Go to court do it that way. Just let them be apart of each others life.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)