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Supervised Visitation

Posted by on Aug. 31, 2010 at 11:00 PM
  • 11 Replies

 So, after talking with a counsellor this evening, she thinks that if I'm having doubts with access and visitation with my ex, maybe I should try supervised just to ease that anxiety.

Do you think it would be okay to ask my lawyer if I can ask for superised the first couple of times (if he even comes for one), because I am uncomfortable with the idea of him looking at me the wrong way? When we went to see him last year, he brought up the fact he was feeling a LOT of sexual tension and it made me extremely uncomfortable because there were a lot of romantic feelings we both never got closure on, but just the fact he admitted that to me in his garage last year still makes me think of how it might be. And I KNOW him. I knew him since 2005, and what if the same thing happens if we see each other again? It just makes me super anxious...and just really uncomfortable.

So would this be a good reason to ask for supervised access or should I just have someone with me while he's here that isn't someone working for supervised visitation, like a cousin...or another family member?

by on Aug. 31, 2010 at 11:00 PM
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Replies (1-10):
tyfry7496
by on Aug. 31, 2010 at 11:45 PM

 I highly doubt you will get supervised visits because there are still feelings between the two of you, visitation is abou the child, NOT you.  You can have someone else there, just to keep things cool, but I really don't think a judge will order supervised visits because of the reason you listed. It usually has to be instances where you fear for the safety and well being of the child.

MamasaurusPrime
by on Aug. 31, 2010 at 11:52 PM

 Well, nothing wrong with asking my lawyer, right? It's not even gone through yet, and why would they make him visit my son if I'M feeling uncomfortable with it? Why? It's not about my feelings, I get that, but if it's going to make the visit difficult, then maybe they shouldn't have him visiting my son unless they are absolutely sure nothing is going to happen where it makes things difficult for my child... like I guess he could take him, and do the visits alone, but really, my son doesn't know his dad, and it would be hard for him adjusting to being alone with someone he doesn't know unless there was another child present to keep him occupied. Most of my sitters have kids, otherwise it's my parents, who my son is very familiar with.

I guess I'm just going to have to talk to my lawyer. No such luck here.

Quoting tyfry7496:

 I highly doubt you will get supervised visits because there are still feelings between the two of you, visitation is abou the child, NOT you.  You can have someone else there, just to keep things cool, but I really don't think a judge will order supervised visits because of the reason you listed. It usually has to be instances where you fear for the safety and well being of the child.

 

grneyedormom
by Kendra on Aug. 31, 2010 at 11:54 PM

Another suggestion, if you think your child is safe with your ex, but you yourself are not ready for that "one on one" time that comes when you make the exhange for parenting time is to have a neutral person do the drop off, or like the other poster mentions, always bring another person with you at drop off and pick up times. Also, you cxan ask for the exchange spot to not be at each other's home, preferably a neutral middle meeting place. (I meet my ex-h at the halfway mark between our homes)

MamasaurusPrime
by on Aug. 31, 2010 at 11:59 PM

 Ahh thanks! I think I might look into that! TYSM. That's the issue - I don't think I'm ready until I know for sure no arguments or anything will happen during the visit.

He's NOT dangerous, but he does get irritated with me if I am not doing something, or telling him what he wants to hear. He is just unreasonable and just makes even talking on the PHONE a hassle. That's why I think it would be best to do it at a visit center, or have another person present because I'm not comfortable with my child being with his dad even though he's his dad alone. My son doesn't know him.....

Quoting grneyedormom:

Another suggestion, if you think your child is safe with your ex, but you yourself are not ready for that "one on one" time that comes when you make the exhange for parenting time is to have a neutral person do the drop off, or like the other poster mentions, always bring another person with you at drop off and pick up times. Also, you cxan ask for the exchange spot to not be at each other's home, preferably a neutral middle meeting place. (I meet my ex-h at the halfway mark between our homes)

 

grneyedormom
by Kendra on Sep. 1, 2010 at 12:03 AM

You are welcome, I would definitely see if the judge and your attorney and even his are open to slowly reintegrating his father into your kiddo's life and working up to longer less "restrictive" visitations. Gotta establish the relationship, can't force it to happen. Trust is built, not just handed over.


Good luck Momma...

Proud Momma to one fantastic 2nd grader. wearing crown


MamasaurusPrime
by on Sep. 1, 2010 at 12:21 AM

 THIS. I am pretty sure I have a pretty reasonable relationship with my lawyer good enough to ask if his dad can slowly be introduced into his life again. I definitely think just "handing him over" to him will make him anxious more than anything (my son) and I really don't trust him even if he has never been a danger to my son.

First of all, DS is three. What if I leave him alone with his dad and he ends up hurting him because he has NEVER dealt with a toddler in his life? My ex has no experience dealing with whiney, crying, tantrum pulling toddlers. And I have no real social skills to deal with an argument face to face. I would at least ask the judge to be considerate of my concerns before slapping this crap together and leaving ME to deal with the aftermath.\

Thank you for "getting it". No one else seems to around here.

Quoting grneyedormom:

 Trust is built, not just handed over.

 

Good luck Momma...

 

jeepingirrl
by on Sep. 1, 2010 at 12:22 AM


Quoting MamasaurusPrime:

 Ahh thanks! I think I might look into that! TYSM. That's the issue - I don't think I'm ready until I know for sure no arguments or anything will happen during the visit.

He's NOT dangerous, but he does get irritated with me if I am not doing something, or telling him what he wants to hear. He is just unreasonable and just makes even talking on the PHONE a hassle. That's why I think it would be best to do it at a visit center, or have another person present because I'm not comfortable with my child being with his dad even though he's his dad alone. My son doesn't know him.....

 

I read your original post completely wrong. I took it as you still had feelings for him and were worried about controlling yourself around him or something....lol.....I was thinking no judge is going to give supervised visits because you are still attraceted to your ex LOL


I agree with just bringing someone along meeting in a nuetral place and seeing how that goes. Hope it works out for ya!

MamasaurusPrime
by on Sep. 1, 2010 at 12:27 AM

 No no no. Oh gosh no. I'm uncomfortable with the idea of him bringing this whole "sexual tension" crap up, and just......the visit going in all sorts of wrong directions.

And he just gets really frustrated easily but I think it will be okay as long as there's someone to talk to us while he is interacting with my son. I am fine with that idea, and I hope I can get something worked out! I just want things to be SLOW, and not just "BOOM, Hi! This is your daddy!" Yanno? It might confuse DS. If there's someone there to help ease the transition, and once they know ex and I are going to be okay, I think it will be fine. I just don't want him to be alone though, that's my main concern. I don't know how he will be with a toddler...'cause I will be the first to tell everyone that DS is not a child who is pleased very easily...yeah. :/

Quoting jeepingirrl:

 

I read your original post completely wrong. I took it as you still had feelings for him and were worried about controlling yourself around him or something....lol.....I was thinking no judge is going to give supervised visits because you are still attraceted to your ex LOL

 

I agree with just bringing someone along meeting in a nuetral place and seeing how that goes. Hope it works out for ya!

 

MamasaurusPrime
by on Sep. 1, 2010 at 12:29 AM

 We will never ever have to travel to his province. His lawyer wants HIM to travel here. I think it's a good idea considering I'm not the one who makes $40k a year. LOL.

Quoting grneyedormom:

Another suggestion, if you think your child is safe with your ex, but you yourself are not ready for that "one on one" time that comes when you make the exhange for parenting time is to have a neutral person do the drop off, or like the other poster mentions, always bring another person with you at drop off and pick up times. Also, you cxan ask for the exchange spot to not be at each other's home, preferably a neutral middle meeting place. (I meet my ex-h at the halfway mark between our homes)

 

jessarendt22
by on Sep. 1, 2010 at 1:38 PM

 I would just have a friend or family member there , the only way I could imagine you'd legally need it set that way is if he is resistant to letting someone be around during visitation other than you . I agree with first poster your lawyer isnt going to  get you supervised visitations just because of you and yours exs sexual tension the only way they would do it id if there was a danger of him harming you or the child . Do you stay with your ex and your child while they have a visitation or are you just there for the exchanging of your child ? I would either do the visitation in a public place or having someone else present . Like could you go to a park or some malls have play areas (not sure how old your child is ). Does your ex only see your child once or a few times a year? if so you could argue for supervised visitations then for your child comfort and safety because you dont want to traumatize them and want them to have an easier transition.

 I had supervised visiations with my DD and her dad for like the first year but thats becuase he is a bipolar alcoholic nut job .

CafeMom Tickers

Eco friendly Organic eating Adventure seeking Single mommy to my little lady since 06/19/2007 <3

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