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venting about brother--long (SORRY!)

Posted by on Sep. 28, 2010 at 8:49 PM
  • 10 Replies

He's been living with me for a month and it's going really well, EXCEPT I got a call from my Mom a few minutes ago asking if he was up and I said "No"  she was PISSED and I said "what's wrong?"  She said..."the repo man was just at the house (in another state) looking for him for his car."  Okay I know he's having financial problems (hello he's living with me).....Okay, I can't have that crap going on at my house.   If you have enough money to be going out on dates and going to the bar to watch football then you have money to make an effort to make your car payment.  You've been living here for a month and I don't ask him for a dime....PAY YOUR BILLS.    Now he's supposed to go get his boys on Friday and have them here for a week.   Well the repo man will find him very soon...so what now I"m supposed to let you use my car?  Put extra miles on my car? Not bring my car home when you say you will?   Also he can't use it for work because he gets off at 7:00am and I have to be at work at 7:30---due to where he works and where I have to go, that's not gonna be able to happen.  Plus what if the repo guy comes when his boys are here?    I"m supposed to let him take my car to take his boys home?    They live 6 hours away...which means he will have my car for 12 hours. I know that may seem like no big deal to most people but that's MY car and what happens if I need it during that time?   Thier mother won't meet him halfway (that's a whole-world of drama in itself).  What am I supposed to do then?    I know he doesn't have the money to rent a car and my car isn't big enough for all of us to go.....I swear I want to slap the crap out of him.  He's 37 and really needs to get his priorities straight.

Thanks for letting me vent ladies.      

by on Sep. 28, 2010 at 8:49 PM
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Replies (1-10):
nessa828
by on Sep. 28, 2010 at 9:20 PM
Honestly, I'd put your foot down. Tell him he needs to pay his car payment. If he doesn't, he has to suffer the consequences, not you! And if his car get repoed, then so be it. I don't think you need to let him use your car, especially when you need it. I guess I'm just hesitant to trust people with my vehicle. He can ride a bus, walk, or find his own way!! He's 37....come on.
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animebuddy
by on Sep. 28, 2010 at 10:11 PM
I wouldn't really be upset over him not paying his car note. If he wants to mess up his credit and get his car taken, that's his problem. I would not let him use my car, ever. If the car gets taken when his kids are here, then his problem. You're already doing more than enough. Don't worry about him.
Susamii
by on Sep. 28, 2010 at 10:25 PM

Okay, Why are you agreeing to let his boys stay there for a week?  You do realize that they will more then likely eat up everyhting in your house, be untidy, and be... boys! If he offered without asking you, then he needs to unenvite them. I know it sounds mean, but maybe you need to be in order to let him see that living with you wont work, maybe 'I should get my own pad" or something. It's still your place and your life. Put your foot down, girl! I know he's your brother, but they say your family will screw ya before your friends do. That saying doesn't just fall out of the sky, it's based on generations of family screw overs all over the world.Time to listen to your instincts, girl. Put that foot down, add weight to it, and keep it down.

Susamii
by on Sep. 28, 2010 at 10:27 PM


Quoting animebuddy:

I wouldn't really be upset over him not paying his car note. If he wants to mess up his credit and get his car taken, that's his problem. I would not let him use my car, ever. If the car gets taken when his kids are here, then his problem. You're already doing more than enough. Don't worry about him.


Amen to that. And see how much he 'cares' for his car? Do you honstly think he will treat your better? No, honey. Don't set yourself up for that one.

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lovebeingmrs
by on Sep. 28, 2010 at 10:28 PM
wow he sounds like my 30 year old sister. She and her husband along with my neice and nephew are living with my dad in a two bedroom house. They wont work but expect my dad to pay there gas and there cig habbet.
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xpectingmama10
by on Sep. 28, 2010 at 10:33 PM

37 going on 18????

Mom2Kenleigh05
by on Sep. 28, 2010 at 10:34 PM

 It's called Tuff Love.. U gotta put your foot down or it will be way to late.  For starters the repo man will find him.  There is a website that all they have to do is enter is social and it pulls up everything.  :) Job, last thing pulled on credit, etc..

jklmama027
by on Sep. 28, 2010 at 10:36 PM

um yeah...he needs to get on the ball and pay his bills...I know I'm having some issues as it is because my car broke down and I had to get it fixed and I'm also behind in my car payments due tot eh fact that I have direct deposite but the bank my company goes through didn't do the direct deposite once and the check I had actually wrote and mailed out to pay my car payment bounced!!! I was so mad I wanted to go insane on the bank my company goes through! so now I have to send them another check and a note letting them know of what happened that I wasn't trying to jip them...but going out and not paying bills is a no no in my books...

tyfry7496
by on Sep. 28, 2010 at 11:09 PM

 You said it yourself, "he is 37  and really needs to get his priorities straight."  Stop enabling him and make him face his responsibilites. It is not your job to make it easy for him to stay a child. He is not going to change until he is ready and until people stop bailing him out. It is not your responsibility to figure out how he is going to get to work, or get his kids...that is HIS problem.  He can get a bus pass or walk.  Do NOT let him use your car!!! It is too bad that his kids may have to suffer because he needs to grow up and be a responsible adult.

lissa27504
by on Sep. 29, 2010 at 8:35 AM

Okay, let me set a few things straight, as far as his kids go....yes he asked me first if they could come.  He wouldn't just say "they are coming."   Yes I realize they are going to eat a lot, I have two boys as well.  Yes I know my house will be a mess but I don't care about that part.  Give me a break, a house can be cleaned and food will be replenished.    My brother has already bought food for when they come.    I am not worried about them BEING here....and as for how they get home, I will make sure they get home if I have to drive them (but I"m only driving halfway).  Our father will be here so between him and I, we will get the boys home and then deal with my brother.  I won't do that in front of his children.  It's not something his children need to see, they have enough in their own life to deal with.

As for me enabling him, yes I will be if I let him use my car (which I'm not).    Sorry the tone of my email was meant to be sarcasm for the remarks about me letting him use my car.    The bus and walking to his current job are not an option with where we live--closest bus is 40 minutes away (driving!!).  So he will have to quit his current job and get one at a local grocery store so he can ride his bike to work.    Not my problem and he's not going to make it my problem.

My post was more of what I was going to say to him but getting it out last night because I was so frustrated.    See for YEARS I have been the one to tell my Mom I'm sick and tired of her bailing him out.   Yes when I let him move in with me I was bailing him out, but also paying him back for helping me when I got out of college.   However, the agreement was NEVER for me to pay his bills (yes I realize I'm paying for his electricity and water and some food by letting him live with me, in exchange he watches my children whenever I want.)    So a month ago when things got really bad for him I told him "I can get you a job--not a great one but you will make some money to get caught up on things until you can find a job you want.  You can stay with me and the boys (meaning my children) until you get on your feet."     We talked about it and I set down ground rules which he understood and he's followed.  No paying his bills wasn't a rule because I MISTAKENLY assumed he realized that part!!   We will be having a chat about EXACTLY what is expected while he is at my house.


I know the repo man will be here soon, it's not hard to find people...I do it all the time!  I have friends that are/have been repo men.  My ex husbands car was repoed after we split.    I am a firm believer in "you will be found if someone is looking for you!"   You can't hide forever.

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