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RESENTMENT! Forgivess a must?

Posted by on Oct. 21, 2007 at 8:03 AM
  • 3 Replies
Hello Mommies! I need advice!  To make a long story short my sons father was there  for the first 4mths of his life, he cheated on me..and I told him he couldn't see his son anymore, granted I didnt have a rite to tell him that but he coulda took me to court for visitation or tried to work with me but he didnt 7 months later not hearing from him, no money, no clothes for him, he wants to pop  up today  I didnt even have a number for him...he txts me and ask how he's doing and if im letting him  call my bf  dada and if I am he can't be mad but heard I was...he said he hasn't been there b/c he didnt want me to play with his emotions of saying he could see him and he couldn't not to mention he left me with his phone bill that was in my name 2 credit cards he promised to pay and some other stuff he promised to pay, I mentioned that and he said if I wasn't so VENDICTIVE with HIS child and HIS car he wouldve paid..I said VENDICTIVE? lets be honest ur child doesn't even know you exist and ur car? It was in my name and I paid the bill so I took the car from your ass and sold it..he tries to make it seem like it's my fault I admit I in no way should have put my feelings before my sons but I will not take the blame..he coulda went through the courts and wouldn't have had to deal with me at all I cant help but get angry that he's missed out on so much of his sons life..his first walk, talk, crawl, and that he's been a great father to his daughter ( she's not by me) he says I held his son away from him unitL i felt ready to notify him that he can see his son and that bcuz he didnt jump when I said jump I consider him no good. That Ive made my mind up of him being a piece of shit and no good and that i'm the BOSS whenever I want to let him see his son let him know..WTF! this boy is crazy I told him the reason he hasn't seen his son is because he let his ego take over..he had to much pride to call me and tell me he wanted to see his son..of course he'd never admit anything he did was wrong it was all bcuz of me..but to me he still coulda sent money..clothes something! should I let him back in my childs life? he considers my bf dad now..but he has a rite to know his sister and his biological father..he said he'd call me monday nite to let me know when he's off so he can come and get him? what do u ladies think?
by on Oct. 21, 2007 at 8:03 AM
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Replies (1-3):
mayzeedayzee
by on Oct. 21, 2007 at 8:58 AM
i have to reply b/c somehing very similiar happened to me. when my daughter was 1 my husband abandoned us, leaving me w/bills much like yourself. He came to see her regularly until another woman came into the picture when she was 5. She (the other woman) has 3 older boys. That was an entirely different story, which I will spare you. I then told him he could still see her, but no overnights. This was ok for awhile, too, till he decided it wasnt good enough and took me to court. I fought him tooth and nail for 6months, and he got everything he wanted--very lenient visitation, w/overnites. This went badly. After 2 months he stopped coming, calling, no bday cards, nothing. That was 2and a half years ago, still havent heard from him.
Believe me, I understand resentment. I struggled w/forgiveness for years,and still do. I dont know if all of the resentment will ever leave, but it is less than it used to be. Hate and resentment will eat you up inside, and you have to be a good mom. Only God can help you help yourself w/those feelings. He will help you replace it w/tolerence and peace. I admit I am still angry. And its ok to be. Just dont let it control you, you control it.
Now as far as letting him take your child somewhere, can u trust him? where will he be and who will he be around? This could be asking for more hurt, but like you said, the child has a right to know their father. You can tell him no and wait till he takes u to court, which, depending on if he can afford it might be awhile. And dont believe he has a right to see the child if he is paying support. Lots of men pay support and dont see their children, its not a right. On the other hand, I maybe he deserves another chance, but be cautious. I know its difficult to make decisions like this concerning your child. It tears your heart out, just take your time and think it through. Let him prove himself trustworthy before just handing your child over for his supervision. I hope this has helped.
Alaina623
by on Oct. 21, 2007 at 9:56 AM
OK anything and everything in your name is yours unless he has documented proof of him paying the bills. Other wise any one with half a brain would laugh at him and tell him to get lost. He was the one that cheated and walked out so easily. HE made choices and HE needs to deal with them. Yes your son deserves to know his father and his sister. But he deserves a good daddy first. He didn't try to send money or support the baby and wants to walk back into his life? WRONG! MY sons fatehr tried that bullshit. I won't have it. Not when he ran away when my baby was 3 months old. I've let him try to come back and he has only hurt us more. One thing you have to keep in mind is the fact that how you feel about the situation will effect how you can deal with it and can effect your child. Would it be better if he was gone for good because of your mental health? Or could you get away with him being involved a little with his child? I'm completely for the fathers being involved but if it is going to do more harm then good, they need to go.

Alaina
darkpoetess
by on Oct. 21, 2007 at 10:13 AM
This is my outlook on this.  Its not ur fault, and he chose to not come around.  Every man seems to make up some excuse and want to blame you for something they did. Cheating is never OK! Not seeing ur children, well again thats He's fault.  I wouldn't be sad or upset about it, cause he is in fact the selfish one. And yes he missed out on everything ur little man has done, walking, talking, etc.  I am in the same situation as u, I have almost 5 children, and their father will use every excuse in the book and blame me for everything when it comes to helping out with the kids or paying for things.  When alls I have been doing is caring for my children and working full time to try to support my family by myself.  He hardly helps and when he comes around its only to hes conveince. It makes me mad, kids aren't a convenice, when they are sick, I take the time off, when they need things I am the one there, I am the one getting up in the middle of the night for that night terror, etc. that they had no problem sitting there making that baby with u, but when it comes to responisibiity they are out the door.  I would sue him for child support or at least get it in the process, and get him for all you can, you deserve nothing but the best for your child.  Sorry, I know how you feel and have gone through a very very similar sance.  Good luck and if you need someone to talk to, I am only an email away. 
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