Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

He's complaining about child support.. should I "work with him?"

Posted by on Dec. 9, 2010 at 4:36 PM
  • 40 Replies

So here is the story. I'll try to make it quick.  I'm pregnant with my first by my ex. he doesn't want to be a part of it and I dont want him to so we haven't fought or had any animosity at all up until his point.  Everything has been amicable and we don't hate each other.  But this morning he texted me to say he doesn't think he can afford the $150 that ORS will be collecting from him when the baby comes and wants to know if I can "work with him" on this in any way. He mentioned that he is selling his motorcycle and guitars to try to make this work... and that he is nervous he will have to file bankruptcy over this... I seriously dont understand how he think s$150 a month is going to cause him to go bankrupt. He could sell his car and get a cheaper one, pick up some hours at work etc.  $150 is NOTHING. but like I said we've tried to keep things civil. So I considered telling him that if he wants to just pay me the money he makes off his guitars and motorbike when they sell then I will count that for his child support for however many months it would cover and then start collecting after that. Is that a bad idea? Could there be any negative repercussions for something like that? This will be my first child so I'm not sure what the rules are about this... Suggestions??

CafeMom Tickers
by on Dec. 9, 2010 at 4:36 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
tinky_00
by on Dec. 9, 2010 at 4:52 PM
He's being dramatic :-/ . $150 a month is not a lot at all. Sounds like he just doesn't want to have to pay anything.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
faerie75
by Ruby Member on Dec. 9, 2010 at 5:05 PM
Hell no. 150 is jack shit, he's being a big fuckin baby. That will cover ur diapers if ur lucky. I'd ask for half of daycare too. Don't be weak.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Shy_Dia
by Silver Member on Dec. 9, 2010 at 5:22 PM

 i agree- do NOT be weak. you'll realize how much $150 will cover! go to the store and price EVERYTHING out-- crib, carseat, bottles.. then formula, diapers, wipes, clothes, other needed items (baby orajel, paci's, etc). remember that for the first year, you'll be getting clothes, diapers and wipes EVERY MONTH! clothes you can do at a thrift store, if needed. but formula, diapers and wipes- nope. and then add in daycare if you need it... as well as doctor bills!

if you file for CS after the baby is a few months old, they may go back until the baby was born. I filed for CS when DS was a month old... it took the courts 18 months for them to see us, but BD is ordered to pay back support. he never helped before being ordered to- so i'm not sure if that'll make a difference.

bgunn
by on Dec. 9, 2010 at 5:35 PM

I know it wont cover much, and I told him that. I let him know that will probably cover diapers at the most every month. I guess I probably am too nice when it comes to these things because I hate animosity and my hope is that down the road he'll be willing to sign over adoption papers (if it ever comes to that) so I want to keep things civil with us so that he doesn't try to get vindictive. But if they are going to back collect on him it wouldn't make sense to have him pay any of it forward so I'll just let him know he's going to have to figure out his finances to make it work. I hope he gets a better job soon so that I'll have a little cushion while i'm in school and he can stop bitching about the measly amount he has to pay. we'll see... thanks ladies!

Quoting Shy_Dia:

 i agree- do NOT be weak. you'll realize how much $150 will cover! go to the store and price EVERYTHING out-- crib, carseat, bottles.. then formula, diapers, wipes, clothes, other needed items (baby orajel, paci's, etc). remember that for the first year, you'll be getting clothes, diapers and wipes EVERY MONTH! clothes you can do at a thrift store, if needed. but formula, diapers and wipes- nope. and then add in daycare if you need it... as well as doctor bills!

if you file for CS after the baby is a few months old, they may go back until the baby was born. I filed for CS when DS was a month old... it took the courts 18 months for them to see us, but BD is ordered to pay back support. he never helped before being ordered to- so i'm not sure if that'll make a difference.


nerdymom28
by on Dec. 9, 2010 at 5:38 PM

 

Quoting faerie75:

Hell no. 150 is jack shit, he's being a big fuckin baby. That will cover ur diapers if ur lucky. I'd ask for half of daycare too. Don't be weak.

 Faerie is an expert on this stuff. Listen to her. lol

Don't let him take advantage of your good nature. He knows if he makes you feel guilty enough you'll want to bend - but don't. He can come up with $150 a month, it's not that hard. He just needs to man up. If you ask me, he should give you the money from selling his bike AND regular child support.

jennshart
by on Dec. 9, 2010 at 5:45 PM

Maybe I missed something...if he doesn't want anything to do with the baby and you don't want him around, then why not get him to give up his parental rights?  $150 is nothing.  If you give in now, he'll just take advantage of you later.  Sounds like he doesn't want to be responsible for anything.  He should try walking in your shoes!

Kissybratzmom
by on Dec. 9, 2010 at 5:46 PM

Just take him to court and get a court order so that it is directly taken out of his check. The way he is acting, I don't see him paying the $150 a month as it is. 

LifeCafe42
by on Dec. 9, 2010 at 5:48 PM
I tried to be nice and he has never given me anything. Where does he think I find the 720 a month for daycare or the money for diapers I had to sell my truck so I can take care of my child. The price of pot must have gone up he always is too broke to do anything
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
bgunn
by on Dec. 9, 2010 at 5:49 PM

I thought about this ALOT! and got a lot of advice from people with experience raising kids alone and decided that while I'm a full time student finishing school Its best for me to collect. Its just more responsible because as little an amount as I'll get every little bit will help while i'm in school.  and he knew this was the plan from the beginning and agreed with it... But once I'm out of school and have a stable higher paying job I do plan on having him sign over rights. And I've let him know that, he agreed. We'll see how it plays out though...

Quoting jennshart:

Maybe I missed something...if he doesn't want anything to do with the baby and you don't want him around, then why not get him to give up his parental rights?  $150 is nothing.  If you give in now, he'll just take advantage of you later.  Sounds like he doesn't want to be responsible for anything.  He should try walking in your shoes!


mybabybugssmile
by on Dec. 9, 2010 at 5:49 PM

 OMG  150 a month wont cover jack shit.

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)