Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Pregnant, suddenly single, and not sure what to do next.....

Posted by on Dec. 9, 2010 at 8:23 PM
  • 18 Replies

  I'll make a very long story short it I can:  My boyfriend and I were only together two months when I found out I was pregnant.  We were very excited to learn this.  Two months after this discovery, I realized that the relationship with my boyfriend wasn't going to work out, and so I talked to him about us breaking up and being friends and co-parents.  He reacted very angry and hostile, and the next day he called me and told me that he never wanted another thing to do with me or the baby ever.  He agreed to pay child support, but said he will never be anything more than a "pay cheque" - (he makes next to nothing, so its not like I will hugely profit from him) - and he sure won't be my "babysitter", so therefore he doesn't ever even want to meet the baby.

   I am very sad.  I never saw this coming from him, and now my baby won't have its daddy.  I figure that, considering the person that he has shown me to be, my baby is probably better off without him anyway.  And I intend to pursue child support from him, I just can't trust that he'll cough it up on his own.

   I'm very overwhelmed by the idea of being a single mom ALL on my own.  I already love my unborn baby more than I could imagine, therefore his actions are baffling to me.  But will I, on my own, be enough for my baby to be well rounded and happy?  Everyone says being a single mom is SO hard, I can only imagine and hope the perks outweight the hardships?  Am I really better off without him in my baby's life, or should I try and make him reconsider? (although my pride really does not want to have to go and beg him to be a dad, but I will if it's the right thing?!).  And there's a chance that he will try and disappear - change jobs, move cities, change his # - so that he doesn't have to pay child support.... can he still be tracked down and held responsible for child support if this is the case??.... I know I have so many questions, but this all just happened a week ago, and I have SO many concerns.  Any thoughts or advise on any one of these things would be really, really appreciated.

by on Dec. 9, 2010 at 8:23 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
twinsmom2706
by on Dec. 9, 2010 at 8:27 PM
I would just plan for no child support, and no involvment from him, and that was anything is a bonus. But being a mother is the greatest but the hardest thing you will ever go through.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
LancesMom
by on Dec. 9, 2010 at 11:27 PM

I would move on without him

aamommy2011
by on Dec. 9, 2010 at 11:35 PM

being in the same boat, but with slightly different circumstances, its best to just continue with life and do whats best for you and the baby. best thing you could do is get support from family. it'll really help.

theres really nothing you can do about him. you cant change his mind. he has to make a grown up decision on his own, but best thing to do is not expect anything.

hearing it from other people, yes, being a single mom is tough, but its rewarding. you'll be able to discipline and raise your child how you wish without having someone else nag you or contradict your choices.

and yes, they'll be able to track him. i think they keep record of license. i remember my dad moved alot while paying CS for me, so he's not gonna be able to get away easily. the courts will notify his job if he has to pay.

i do hope things get better, and remember, take it one day at a time

jholmes073
by on Dec. 9, 2010 at 11:41 PM

cheer up. you have to be strong for your baby. you can be a single parent and give your baby everything he or she needs. dont worry about your ex. he may or may not come around. you can try to get child support from him if he doesnt help you with the baby after birth. if hes doing all these crazy things, saying crazy things to you or you feel that he will disappear then you're better off without him because if he really cared about you, he wouldn't be acting like he's acting. so i hope everything works out for you and good luck. you need to talk, let me know. im a single parent myself and went through things similar to what you are going through now.

jenniepepsi
by on Dec. 9, 2010 at 11:45 PM

keep your head up hon. he was an ass for acting like that. and im sorry.

may i ask though, why you wanted to break it off? from the sounds of it, he was very upset that you wanted to break it off.

Janae213
by on Dec. 9, 2010 at 11:51 PM
This...what great advice. You took words right out of my mouth. I am in very similar situation and had to do this myself. My baby is not here yet so I still have a long road ahead of me but it has gotten easier since i accepted he wont be around.

Quoting aamommy2011:

being in the same boat, but with slightly different circumstances, its best to just continue with life and do whats best for you and the baby. best thing you could do is get support from family. it'll really help.


theres really nothing you can do about him. you cant change his mind. he has to make a grown up decision on his own, but best thing to do is not expect anything.


hearing it from other people, yes, being a single mom is tough, but its rewarding. you'll be able to discipline and raise your child how you wish without having someone else nag you or contradict your choices.


and yes, they'll be able to track him. i think they keep record of license. i remember my dad moved alot while paying CS for me, so he's not gonna be able to get away easily. the courts will notify his job if he has to pay.


i do hope things get better, and remember, take it one day at a time

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Pukity
by on Dec. 10, 2010 at 12:11 AM

my story is kind of the same as yours, only that I'd known the father of my baby for 10 years, and for me he was a decent man and well, at the end, he is just a check for my baby , but he is doing that voluntarly, I didnt pursue child support, I guess that's a way of feeling well and get some peace of mind for him...but well, yes its hard, but jusst the fact of being a mother is the best thing that could happen to a woman, you and your baby are better off alone, but dont beg him to see your baby, noone knows what's gonna happen in the future, maybe he will make up his mind sometime during pregnancy and accept to co-parents maybe he won't, but if  he doesn`t then try to move on without him, yes go for the child support, and if she dessapear well is his loss, money comes and goes, because without an address, or phone number is hard to track them down and sometimes even when CSS has all the info they just dont pay and I think here many moms can tell you their stories with that issue, but just be strong for your baby and dont worry about him.

and you know what, my child doesnt even has his name, but in my family she has love, many paternal figures, my dad, my uncle, my cousins that love her like crazies and you know what, when I see that child smiling, that's all that I need as a reason to keep going,

and in your case if he comes back to take responsibility good for him and if he doesnt is his loss

eviesmom453
by on Dec. 10, 2010 at 12:15 AM

Move on. When you are only with someone for two months before getting pregnant, you can't exactly expect that he's going to stick around. I have been a single mom for my DS's entire life and I wouldn't want it any other way.

Dawnie-marie
by Dawn on Dec. 10, 2010 at 2:37 AM

You will be fine, just remember this is your baby. I am three days off having my own and I have done the pregnancy alone. i don't even talk to mine.

HeavenLeighMom
by on Dec. 10, 2010 at 10:02 AM

  The reason that I broke it off was simple... three months into the relationship, even being pregnant, I KNEW he wasn't the one for me.  I wanted to try and make it work because I was pregnant, but once I realized that fact solidly, I just couldn't do that anymore, and figured it was best to go now rather than once the baby was born and we were living together or something.  He was upset about breaking up, but I know it wasn't a surprise, I had been very clear with him all along how I felt (or didn't feel for that matter).  There were a few other issues we'd been having since realizing I was pregnant; and he wasn't willing to make ANY changes now that he knew he was going to be a dad.  And that was also a big red flag for me.

  And thanks to everyone else for the advise.  It's so great knowing that I can hear your stories, similiar to mine, and gain strength for them.  I was wavering on whether or not I should try and open the door for him to be a father to his child, but now I think I'll just leave him behind and consider both of us out of his life HIS loss, not ours.

Quoting jenniepepsi:

keep your head up hon. he was an ass for acting like that. and im sorry.

may i ask though, why you wanted to break it off? from the sounds of it, he was very upset that you wanted to break it off.


Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)