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forgive or forget him?

Posted by on Oct. 28, 2007 at 1:30 AM
  • 10 Replies
so i have struggled with being over weight my whole life. And when I was pregnant I gained more weight and I have not quite lost it all yet. and well my sons father was drunk the other night and decided to call me in the middle of the night and tell me i am a fat b***h and that i don't do anything with my life and i am lazy. when i was pregnant i was in the process of earning my B.S. and obviously had to take a break to have my son. caleb was still too young for me to return to school fall quater so my family and i decided that it would best for me to return to school in jan. for winter quarter. so of course he had a whole lot more to say about how awful i am and this lasted from about 3AM-11AM. This also was not the first time he has used the same harsh words against me. well tonight he sent me an apology saying that he was hurt that i didn't want to be with him and well he felt like he needed to hurt me back. and he knows it was wrong and he shouldn't have said such things and that he thinks i am a great mom and a great person in general. now i know the whole fool me once shame on you fool me twice shame on me... well i think we are past twice..... he says he is trying to make changes in his life like drinking less and what not.... but do people ever really change?
by on Oct. 28, 2007 at 1:30 AM
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by on Oct. 28, 2007 at 1:33 AM
People that talk about changing don't change. People that want to change don't have time to talk about it because they are in the process of doing so. Love yourself and you will realize it's his problem not yours. Move on with your life without the negativity.
by on Oct. 28, 2007 at 1:33 AM
Yes people do change, but actions certainly speak louder than words and I have learned that in life.

If you would even think about getting back with him, wait and see what he does first.  If he says he is going to stop drinking wait and see if he does, if he doesn't than thats a pretty good indication that he isn't ready for change and he might not ever be.

Protect and you and yourself first and foremost is what I have learned in life.
by on Oct. 28, 2007 at 1:43 AM
People can change. They have to want to change for themselves and noone else. He is upset about how is life is and taking it out on you. You are a better than he deserves. He may love you, but you know what. We ALWAYS hurt the ones we love the most the hardest. We figure we can say whatever we want and the people will just get over it and forgive us. My advice? Take  care of yourself and your son. Other pieces will fall into place if they werent meant to be. You can't make some things work no matter how hard ou try or wish. I am here if you need me'

by on Oct. 28, 2007 at 9:53 AM
That is wrong of him to be calling and talking to you like that. I would not answer the phone when he calls...let the voice mail take the call if he wants to talk about something reasonable then you can call him back. You dont have to listen to that mess.
by on Oct. 28, 2007 at 9:59 AM
I ditto everything the prior posts say... the said it before i could :)
Love yourself- take this time to focus on YOU ( and in turn your son will benefit from it)
Let him focus on improving himself and SHOW you by actions that he has changed. Dont dictate what he has to do to come back into his life.... let him figure it out ( sounds like he already knows what he needs to do in order to show you)
If he has a drinking problem he needs more help then just cutting back on the drinking.... what kind of example does he want to be for his child???
Good luck to you


by on Oct. 28, 2007 at 10:08 AM
He won't change until he stops drinking.  My ex is exactly like him and 11 years later my ex now calls my son and daughter and calls me names because I won't take his calls.  I haven't dated in years yet my ex texted my son and called me a PUTA--whore in spanish just last week. 

He may be hurting but if that is how he treats you when he's trying to win you back, god help you if you go back.

He is verbally and emotionally abusing you and he is using personal attacks as a way of controlling you.  You wasted from 3-11am being verbally abused--that is time that you will never get back.

Move on and don't waste one more minute of your life on someone that obviously isn't worth it.
by on Oct. 28, 2007 at 12:14 PM
You deserve more. I can't say anything that these other mom's haven't already said. Just remember that no one deserves to be treated the way you have. If he truly wants to change, he will. And only time will show you that. Good luck honey.
by on Oct. 28, 2007 at 12:22 PM
I would forget him because anyone that's willing to say hurtful things like that "just to hurt you back" isn't worth it.  That's not how things are supposed to work.  You don't want your child to see things like that growing up.  I had to watch it and it scars a kid for life.  Good luck in whatever you decide to do though.  You deserve so much better. :) - overlapping text

Group Owner - (for all the young, single, plus size mommies out there!)

by on Oct. 28, 2007 at 12:37 PM
I have to reiterate what the other moms have said -- YOU DESERVE BETTER! And so does your son!

He can say he is trying to change a thousand times over, that will not erase what he has already said and done. And, like another mom said, if this is the way he behaves trying to win you back, how will he act if you do let him come back and you have a conflict? Do you really want your son to grow up in a home with a verbally and emotionally abusive dad? If nothing else, at least think about him first. Sometimes we will do the right thing for THEM before we think about what is right for US...


by on Oct. 28, 2007 at 2:06 PM
It seems to me that people only really change when they have lost what it is that they really want.  A zebra canno change his stripes so you have to asky he really a zebra or has he just been dressed up as one for so long that he forgets what he really is.  I say give him time and space.  If he wants to change he will but not because you or anyone else nagged him to...only because that is really what he wants.
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