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Court for PFA tomorrow what should I expect? *Update*

Posted by on Mar. 2, 2011 at 1:35 PM
  • 9 Replies

So I have court tomorrow from when I filed the PFA against my now exboyfriend. He had spit in my face and choked me on the 5th of Feb and on the 14th I filed the PFA. So what will happen tomorrow? I have no idea what to expect or if I should bring anything.

So I go today and of course he shows up with daddy (his parents are the whole reason for this fight). Well I wait forever, find out he has a lawyer (I didn't) but they had legal aid there for counseling (I'm going through them for our divorce since we're common law). So after forever they call me over and tell me that the judge will just combine the PFA with the divorce instead of having 2 cases about them. So I ask her if the PFA will still be enforced and she says yes. So I say ok. She goes and talks to Mike's (the ex) lawyer and comes back and says that Mike will get the baby every Tues for supervised visitation like it says in my divorce papers and that Mike's dad will transport him. I said no way since his dad is the cause of this and him and Mike are constantly in fist fights. She says she'll talk to Mike's lawyer. So they are both standing close to me with a judge and the judge says that it's not unreasonable for him to see his son a few hours a week and to have his dad transport him. She comes back and tells me the same thing and I tell her no again. She sighs and tells me that I'm being unreasonable and there are other couples in worse situations than mine and the man gets more visitation that isn't supervised and when it goes to divorce court they are going to give him more custody because of me being like this. She then asks me if I will talk to Mike about working something out and I said I would. She asks him and he tells her he won't talk to me. She comes back and the judge also sits down with me. They are telling me that he needs to see his son while the whole time I am telling them he needs to be in my sons life but not if he is going to be violent. Then HIS lawyer comes over and tells me that "this whole drama needs to stop" and my "lawyer" agreed! I was floored at that moment. They are telling me that because my son hasn't been abused YET that I should let them do whatever they want. To top it off we are leaving and I'm waiting outside with my friends and Mike plows through the door slamming it open and storms off without even looking at me and his dad follows looks at me and says "Well that didn't go to well did it"

This is all such bull! I love this man and this is how I'm treated?! He can spit in my face and choke me WHILE I'm driving with the baby in the back seat and I'm treated like the criminal. And to top it off this isn't the first time he has been violent to me. He smashed a beer can in my hand when I was pregnant and since I was extremely anemic I bled forever. He also grabbed me by the neck then and shoved me out of the apt I was paying for because he didn't want to get a job. WTF is with the legal system?

by on Mar. 2, 2011 at 1:35 PM
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by on Mar. 2, 2011 at 2:07 PM

Every one's experience is different.  I felt like I was being brutalized again.  I had to vividly detail the situation that occurred in front a packed courtroom.  I was also required to explain why I fear for my personal safety.  I was never embarrassed about being raped, but I was incredibly uncomfortable sharing the experience in front of all these people and my rapist who was smirking.  The judge basically threw the case out because he felt it was am isolated incident.  The judge order us to attend counseling, but it was basically throw out.

I hope you have a more pleasant experience! Good luck!

by on Mar. 2, 2011 at 3:17 PM

I just wanted to say Hugs! I am sorry you were treated like that!

by on Mar. 2, 2011 at 3:22 PM

Just be strong . Don't let anyone get to you . And bring all documents you have just in case you need them .


Everything will turn out fine : ) Just think positive thoughts : )

by on Mar. 2, 2011 at 3:45 PM

Wow now I'm super nervous. I know they are going to bring up why I waited 9 days to get the PFA. I didn't want any of this to happen. Even after he choked me I wanted us to work things out and I told him if we were back together I would fight to get the charges dropped (stupid I know). He didn't want me back so whatever. He had a 4 day weekend so I let him have the baby. 2 days before I was supposed to get him he asks if I could take him back a day earlier and I told him fine (it only looks bad on him) and then the next day he tells me he isn't going to give him back unless I pay him $1200.  This whole thing is more for the protection of my kids. Mike has the problem of reacting and then thinking and I'm afraid one day it will happen with the baby. I also just thought about if his parents come (the biggest problem between us) his mom is totally codependent on her children to take care of her. I told Mike 5 days before we broke up that we were doing perfect and she would start a fight between us so he would have to move back in and take care of her....and was I right.

by on Mar. 2, 2011 at 11:16 PM

Im so nervous about this I can't sleep.

by on Mar. 3, 2011 at 12:04 AM
Good luck let us know how it goes
by on Mar. 3, 2011 at 1:26 AM

I stayed as calm as possible. I didn't look at him at all.

My lawyer had all my stuff, I basically sat there, until she called me up to answer questions. I answered them. He told his side (because he didn't have a lawyer....they actually rescheduled because he didn't have one the first time and the judge thought he should even though he said he wasn't going to get one...). He got nasty with the judge, which was friggin great for me. I didn't get a long PFA, but it helped.

by on Mar. 3, 2011 at 9:19 AM

Good luck hun!! Let us know how it goes!!!

by on Mar. 3, 2011 at 5:33 PM

How did it go?

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