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confused

Posted by on Nov. 5, 2007 at 11:06 AM
  • 9 Replies
I'm not sure what to do right now. I have been married for three years coming up in two weeks. Two weeks ago I left my husband he was very emtional abusive and was so unstable in working. I did most of the working the fours years we were together. My husband enrolled him self in a mental hospital to get help, and he did. He is on three diff meds and says they are helping. He has also already went out and got us a new place to live and fixing everything he messed up by  his
temper. i don't know what to do. I still have not talked to him since I left. I wanna believe everything that he says, but I'm having a hard time doing that with all the past history. I still love him very much and want it to work for my son and the child I'm pregnant with. Everyone says yeah it will change for a little while then things will go back to the way they were. He also has started going back to church on his own. Is this him doing what I want knowing that I will come back. Or can they truly change for the better. What is your advice on the stituation. Should I give him one last chance or just move on with my life. Until next time

by on Nov. 5, 2007 at 11:06 AM
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Replies (1-9):
Cheisey
by on Nov. 5, 2007 at 11:31 AM
how long has he been "changed"?
i'm talking to my ex-fiance again, but he was never abusive.
i guess in my opinion, i would not go back to him no matter how much he has "changed", if a man ever hit me that would be the end of it.
i would never talk to him, see him, have anything to do with him.

i guess everyone deserves a second chance, but i'm not so sure about people who are abusive falling under the category of "everyone".


if you agree with me, or you have sat there thinking, "damn why didn't i say that?", add me, we should be friends!

rachmom84
by on Nov. 5, 2007 at 11:33 AM
he never did hit me. but with the words he should have just hit me. they hurt just as bad. it has only been two weeks. and he said he would give me all the time i needed. he admitted that he was the one that did wrong and he knew that he pushed me away.
Cheisey
by on Nov. 5, 2007 at 11:40 AM
hm.
i would give it a lot longer than 2 weeks.
my ex & i have been civil for a month & a half, before that i was absolutely crazy after he broke up with me.
i guess i just got over it & other guys started talking to me, most of them loved kids anyways, so i knew i could find someone who would not leave me when i needed someone to help the most.

i'm taking our daughter & going to visit at the end of this month, he bought the plane ticket, & he might be buying one for my 2 week christmas break from school.
i don't want to get back together until i know he's got a good job that he's going to keep, he was a job hopper, no debt or tickets to pay off, a house of his own, & his income is at least the same as mine after i get a job at a hospital or private practice.

you just have to give it time to make sure they've really been working hard to better themselves, & not just pretending to get you back because nobody else wants their dumb asses.


if you agree with me, or you have sat there thinking, "damn why didn't i say that?", add me, we should be friends!

tmod
by on Nov. 5, 2007 at 11:42 AM

i believe that things will only change for a little bit then will go back to the way that they were.  but that is based on MY experience.  my ex said he would change and he would for a bit then go right back to his old ways.  once i left him he said the same thing but i never gave him the chance, i felt like i gave him enough chances.  i do believe that some people will change especially if they realize what they have lost because of it.  if i were you i would give it quite a bit l;onger than 2 weeks tho for him to figure him self out.  i dont think 2 weeks is long enough for some one to change.  he needs to make sure he is changing because he wants to not just for you.  if he only changes b/c of you then he will go back to the way things were.  but if HE wants to change to make things work then i think there is a fair chance he will. 

i hop that all makes sense there is so much more i could say but i have a hard time putting it on paper.  good luck though.  if you need to talk let me know my ex and i were in a similar situation.  so i know what you are thinking.

LeelansMom
by on Nov. 5, 2007 at 12:30 PM
is he getting councilling, see can you go to couple counceling or a premarital course..
rachmom84
by on Nov. 5, 2007 at 12:41 PM
yes he is going to couceling once a week forever.
mom4364
by on Nov. 5, 2007 at 12:43 PM
go thru some serious counseling with him and feel him out before you live with him again. counseling usually brings out the nasties, and you will be able to judge from his behavior if he has really changed and it's what you want.
iamaimee
by on Nov. 5, 2007 at 1:16 PM
If he checked himself into a mental hospital, he probably has a diagnosis from them. Do you know what that is? Whether or not he can change has a lot to do with his diagnosis and meds he's taking.

There are a lot of mental health problems that are not truly fixable with medicine. Also, in some cases when meds are needed, the patient frequently will stop taking the meds when they feel better, thinking they no longer need them. But, ironically, the med is why they are balancing out. This is very common of Bipolar disorder.

I think you should do some research about whatever diagnosis he has. See if he will give you permission to talk to his doctors or counselors. Or, go with him.

I was married to a man who had multiple mental health diagnoses (unknown to me at the time). His controlling personality, manipulation and abuse are all related to these problems. During the course of the visitation hearings, he has psych evals done on himself. The experts told me that there was no indication that any of these things would change for more than a couple days or weeks.

Because of the fact that my daughter has every chance of showing signs of some mental health problems, when I chose to go into nursing - I went into psych nursing. That has really helped me to understand what makes him tick and how to work with my daughter when she gets upset.

One more thing - 2 weeks is not enough time to show a lasting change.
rachmom84
by on Nov. 5, 2007 at 3:56 PM
Yes he said he was diagnosed with Bi-Polar, Anxiety, Depression.
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