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am i a bad person?

Posted by on Jun. 4, 2011 at 2:26 AM
  • 9 Replies
my jackass father informed me today i am a horrible granddaughter. My grandmother is in the deep stages of Alzheimers, to the point she needs assistance with everything. My dad thinks I am being rude because I wont go around her. Its not that I dont WANT to, its that I CANT. She and I were very close and now she has no idea who I am, she treats me like a stranger and it HURTS me. It has gotten to the point I cry everytime I do come around because she thinks I am a stranger one time and will stroke the back of my hair the next. My dad doesnt get that. He eases his stress about it by making fun of her when she tells a "story" and that kills me. It hurts me so deeply to know that every memory I have of her, she doesnt. I know it isnt her fault, its an evil disease with no cure who is to blame. i dk my dad has me all worked up because I couldnt go over there tonight, I had a fundraiser I had to be at. I feel like breaking down right now
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by on Jun. 4, 2011 at 2:26 AM
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Replies (1-9):
MamasaurusPrime
by on Jun. 4, 2011 at 2:34 AM

Absolutely not.

You cannot control what your grandmother is going through, and your dad is being completely heartless by giving YOU shit then making fun of her, like, what the fuck dude??? Who does that?????

xandersmommie1
by on Jun. 4, 2011 at 2:38 AM

I would not go so far as to say you are ungrateful.....you are attempting to deal with this the best you can.  The last memory I have of my great grandmother before she slipped into a coma was her asking who the hell we were and was very bitter to see us.  It was very hard.  Just take a step back and resurvey the situation.  There is not telling how much longer she could be around, just imagine how you would feel if you did not see her again before she died.  Seek some therapy on dealing with this.  I also volunteered in a hospice for four years and received extensive training on dealing with death and dying and stuff like this.  It is hard to deal with no matter who you are and whether or not your dad is showing it, he is dealing with it inside until he bursts.  Denial is the worst stage....accept it and handle it the best you can in your own way and seek therapy to have someone to talk to....it helps!  Remember you do not have to be crazy to go to therapy!  YOU ARE NOT A BAD PERSON!!!

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COWGIRLinPEARLs
by on Jun. 4, 2011 at 2:46 AM
i try my damndest to hold it together and talk to her and ever so often she gets that look in her eyes that she knows who I am...and then there is times she throws things at me. it is relieving that she still acknowledges my boys and talks about how smart they are and how they are growing up so fast even though she calls them by different names. They will soon be moving her to an assisted living facility in Dallas. With all of us working so much here she is better suited up there where my aunt can see her everyday
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tyfry7496
by on Jun. 4, 2011 at 10:28 AM
My grandma has Alzheimers too and as much as it hurts that she doesnt remember me all the time I still go and see her. She talks about her past, when she was a child, when she met my grandpa. She does have moments of clarity and I treasure those moments. She is funny, loving and caring. Life is short so suck it up, be an adult and visit your grandma before she's not here anymore!!!! I also worked with Alzhemiers patients and even though they dont always remember, it still hurts them when people " forget" them too. You can't catch Alzheimers and grandma deserves you to visit her. You're nit bad but you are insensitive.
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tyfry7496
by on Jun. 4, 2011 at 10:31 AM
Her dad is dealing with the fact that the mother he knows is no longer there. He's dealing the best way he can just like she is by not wanting to deal with her grandma. Everyone grieves differently and that's what her dad is doing.

Quoting MamasaurusPrime:

Absolutely not.

You cannot control what your grandmother is going through, and your dad is being completely heartless by giving YOU shit then making fun of her, like, what the fuck dude??? Who does that?????

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Tashia07
by on Jun. 4, 2011 at 10:41 AM

I completely understand. It is so hard to watch a woman that was so regal and a powerful force in my family disappear.  In the early stages, she fell back in love with my grandfather and they would smooth and hold hands, which honestly made me nauseous. She would talk to him like when they first started dating, before they had kids and she forgot who my mother was.  Then she moved on to a stage where she relived the deaths of my mothers younger brothers and she was angry all the time.  And I would love to go back to that stage because she doesn't know any off us, she has forgotten how to walk and to open her hands.  It breaks my heart and I can't stand to see her like this, so I opted to stay away.  But when she does have her of clarity moments I although few I am glad to be there with her.  Try to spend a little more time with her because sooner then you expect you won't be able to spend any time with. Don't miss too many of the moments of clarity be there for to stroke you hair, like she used to.

LifeCafe42
by on Jun. 4, 2011 at 11:49 AM
I'm in a similar boat my grandmother has been in a home with Alzheimer's for years the last 3 she has been immobile and spends most of her time sleeping. They gave her 6 months 3 years ago. I only go to see her a few times a year because 1 she is 1 1/2 hours from me and 2 it seems pointless she hasn't known who I was for 6 years and she would get so frustrated trying to figure it out it hurt both of us. I worked in a skilled facility for a year and the people I felt bad for were the ones who were with it. The others lived in their own world
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ahampe
by on Jun. 4, 2011 at 2:20 PM

honestly it sounds like what alot of families dealing this alzheimer's go through. My grandfather passed away from it and I never had the chance to see him and it broke me. I dont know how I would have handled hanging out around him like that.

I work in a nursing home and sadly see and deal with this every day. Believe it or not, when they do get to see you wether they know who you are or not it does help ease their minds. I think that somewhere they still know and you are familiar and they cling to that. It is really hard not only for the families but for the ppl who have it as well.

I dont think anyone can say for sure what you are doing is right or wrong. Its a personal choice everyone has to make for themselves.

jmo

animebuddy
by on Jun. 5, 2011 at 8:01 AM
No you're not a horrible person for that.
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