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Am I the only one who gets scared sometimes???

Posted by on Aug. 17, 2011 at 2:11 AM
  • 10 Replies
So I guess I should start by saying that my ex hurt me very badly. I knew we had a few problems, but nothing major, then suddenly he was gone. It took me a long time to get over it, and sometimes I'm not sure if I really am. I am now dating an amazing man. He loves me, he loves my kids, he has introduced me to all of his family and when we are together I feel like a queen. The problem is, we live about a 30-40 minute drive away from each other (depending on who is driving lol) I work midnights, he works days. I have 3 kids, and he just got custody of his troubled 14 year old daughter. It is really hard to actually be able to spend a lot of time together. I understand that on my days off, he is not always able to come over. That's fine with me. My problem is, I'm always second guessing everything. I'm always afraid that one day, he's going to be gone too. Then I'll remember he promised to take my son hunting, he wouldn't promise that if he didn't plan to be around, then he'll only text short messages for a day and I'll be scared that he's drifting away, then he'll send me a text out of the blue to say he loves me. I dont tell him how scared I am, because he has told me before that my only problem is my low self-esteem. I know i have low self-esteem. I always have,and my ex made it worse. Its just driving me nuts always being afraid. Am I the only one that feels like this????
by on Aug. 17, 2011 at 2:11 AM
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by on Aug. 17, 2011 at 5:53 AM
No you are not alone. I am trying to be more positive but negative thoughts always creep in. we can learn from our past but cannot let it dictate our futures.
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by on Aug. 17, 2011 at 7:28 AM

Your first 4 sentences describe me to a tee right now.  Although I am not dating the guy officially yet.  I can't seem to bring myself to say it.  I am more scared though because I am still in love with my ex.  I still want him back soo bad.  But some of the things he has told me, I don't think I can ever forgive him for.  Anyway.  If and when I do start really dating this guy I know I will be scared.  I even told him so.  My ex gave me promises that he SWORE he would never break because of the way my daughter's father treated me.  He broke those promises.  This new guy says these promises and I tell him, don't you even dare.  I can not have another promise broken.  So I am scared to even be with him for fear of being soo hurt again!!  :(

by on Aug. 17, 2011 at 11:52 AM

Not alone for sure.  My ex really made me believe all his lies.  I mean he really got me for awhile and me believing and trusting him really allowed him to screw up almost every aspect of my life.  I never want to be in that situation or even close to it again.  Not sure how I will ever be able to trust a guy again.  I totally know where you are coming from.  It does suck though bc we don't want these aholes to be able to ruin more stuff or us forever.  Its such a gray area. 

by on Aug. 17, 2011 at 11:59 AM

Not in the least, I think what you're describing is something we ALL feel a little bit. The thing that stands out to me the most in what you've said here is, it sounds like might be saying, you don't believe you deserve to be loved. But sweet, pretty girl, you certainly are! We all are. It is so hard when you've been let down, hurt, and you've gotten used to hurting yourself. The only way for a relationship to be healthy and to work is to accept that love is a gift meant for you. I believe that starts by changing the way you see yourself. Expect to be happy. Expect to be respected. And your subtle little changes will have a big impact on your life. I hope you find the road to accepting yourself, and the love that is in abundance around you.

by on Aug. 17, 2011 at 12:01 PM

Totally know how you feel... I've never really casually dated so when I'm in it I'm in it for a while, and I've found someone that I am happy with but it's still a rollercoaster... we have our ups and downs and we've done the break up get back together, and we both have hurt each other in some ways, but at the end of the day we do work very well together so keep in mind (and I'm not trying to say it doesn't happen) you're still going to have a few down falls with any guy, you just need to make sure they are one's you can cope with and make work.

I'd love to say and think that we can have the fairy tale we all get told as little girls but the reality is it's rare but if/when it does happen JUMP ON THE OPPORTUNITY AND THEN TELL US ABOUT IT!!!! LOL

by on Aug. 17, 2011 at 12:03 PM

We could be twins. 

by Group Admin on Aug. 17, 2011 at 12:04 PM

 Hell yes, I went through all of the above when my X left me.  It was a horrible time for me.  It's been over 5 yrs now and I still have those feelings every now and then.  It's hard to feel secure when all the men in my life (including my father) have all run out on me.  My X did it so wonderfully also.  He waited until I took my kids to a boy scout meeting at the local park, then packed his shit and left a dear jane on the kitchen table.  We had been married 12 yrs and never had issues.  We had just been on a family camping trip the weekend before (and this was monday).  Anyway, my point is it was devistating and took awhile before I trusted again.  I still have bouts of "Is he going to leave?"  I have a SO I've been dating for awhile now and we live together in a blended home.

by on Aug. 18, 2011 at 12:37 AM
Thank you all for your kind words. Its so nice to know that I'm not alone. I had another bout of insecurity today. He texted me early and said that his phone was almost out of time, he was going to put money on it asap, but if I didn't hear from him, that was why. I immediately thought oh no! This one is disappearing too. Then I took a step back, and thought about how wonderful of a time we had together the other night. I keep telling myself that i need to quit worrying . Me freaking out and worrying isn't going to make him stay. Hopefully some day i will automatically think this...
by on Aug. 18, 2011 at 12:38 AM
My father left also. Every man I have ever loved has left. I just hope and pray that this one doesn't
by Dawn on Aug. 18, 2011 at 7:38 AM

No I was pretty scared when my ex left getting into new relationships, but I have got over my ex by looking in the mirror and telling myself I am beautiful and perfect. Its always written on my facebook, and I did get over the disgusting marriage.


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