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I just can't deal!!! WTFWTF??????

Posted by on Aug. 17, 2011 at 11:22 PM
  • 12 Replies

SO...

Some really good news, and some really good news:

I decided to stop this ridiculousness and call his mom.

I asked her about his new info, and shes like "Well wait! He's here right now, talk to him."

And we did, CIVILLY. Holy schnikes! Basically this is what we discussed:

I didn't have to apologize for the adoption comment because it really hurt him to know he fucked up to the point I was angered enough to say that, but I did apologize anyway.

He just kept saying sorry because he made a decision to stay away from her for good. He is living at his mom's and now has an active restraining order on her for her attempting to punch him and she has child abuse charges!!! She didn't touch his son but the baby being exposed visually was enough to charge her!!! So he's back at home with his mom while he starts his new job Sunday.

Everything was just down hill and he said the only way we can ever have an EFFECTIVE and rational parenting agreement is if he stays away from his other baby mom. He said he wants to talk some more tomorrow and he wants me to tell him how I felt and why I felt that way so we can come to some understanding, and he said he can't promise anything but he is dead serious about trying to work things out so he is able to actually visit my son instead of being told to sign his rights over.

He said everything was a total mess and a huge misunderstanding and that he knows I can't trust him, (and he's absolutely right), but basically he knew nothing about the Facebook incident today and said he probably got hacked because he has asolutely no access to the internet while he's at his mom's. He said things have been said by other people but they want to apologize to me as well for asking me to get rid of the child support order because he WANTS to pay and said he just wasn't "allowed" to before...


So there ya have it. But I'm not gonna be all like, "Oh, that's fine".

by on Aug. 17, 2011 at 11:22 PM
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Replies (1-10):
MamasaurusPrime
by on Aug. 17, 2011 at 11:25 PM

Oh, and the title is not misleading. I am really confused!!!

I went from being angry and pissed, to actually being civil. I just had a GOOD conversation with my ex, myself, without getting mad. That is RARE.

grneyedormom
by Kendra on Aug. 17, 2011 at 11:34 PM

That is a lot of info to take in, go over in your mind and try to find your way to the top again. The best advice Krista, one day at a time. Keep talking to him, it's ok to be mad/upset/untrusting of him. However, if for some amazing reason, he has realized the error of his ways and he does want to make amends, set some very clear boundaries (I am sure you will, :)) and take it one day at a time. It doesn't have to be all peaches and cream, you have legit reasons for not trusting him, for being hesitant!

MamasaurusPrime
by on Aug. 17, 2011 at 11:41 PM

Yeah I just get stressed cause I am a very impulsive person and I get angered easily because I've always been emotional and not afraid to tell others how they make me feel.

And I'm also stressed 'cause I don't know what made me call. I called because I didn't think he would be up or home if he was back at his mom's, and she was actually happy to hear my voice when I called, which was strange.

And he wasn't even mad. I just asked him what he was doing saying that to my sister, and he did apologize for it but said he thought maybe it was a guy. He's very...erm...facebook illiterate, he doesn't know to look at the names at the top pf a message, lmfao.

But at the same time it's a big sigh of relief to hear he ACTUALLY got the damn balls to get a restraining order on her. He said he'll update me tomorrow and he said he was really glad that I called. He literally just packed all his things and moved back with his mom yesterday and he will be getting full custody of Logan. (His other son)

Quoting grneyedormom:

That is a lot of info to take in, go over in your mind and try to find your way to the top again. The best advice Krista, one day at a time. Keep talking to him, it's ok to be mad/upset/untrusting of him. However, if for some amazing reason, he has realized the error of his ways and he does want to make amends, set some very clear boundaries (I am sure you will, :)) and take it one day at a time. It doesn't have to be all peaches and cream, you have legit reasons for not trusting him, for being hesitant!


grneyedormom
by Kendra on Aug. 17, 2011 at 11:47 PM

I understand being easily stressed, especially when that adrenaline is full on coursing through your veins. Just take it one day at a time, if he's calm, try to stay calm when talking to him. It's healthier for you. You might be surprised to find that he is much easier to talk to and get along with now that the other woman is not in the picture (let's hope she stays out of the picture). When my ex married the lady he dated after me, those years were like hell for me, and the moment he called me to tell me they were getting divorced (it was all I could do to not say "I told you so") the tumultuous relationship he and I had literally did a 360  degree turn and it's been pretty good since then. Take it slow, talk it out. It might just be positive, and educate him on your son. 'Cause I'm sure D. is one amazing little boy!

MamasaurusPrime
by on Aug. 18, 2011 at 12:12 AM

I agree. I think I did the right thing...even though I went from being totally angry at him. I just....idk my sister and her drama with him set me over the edge. I was like "FUCK THIS. I'm calling his mom!" And when I called he picked up, lmao. I didn't even recognize his voice.

And just....idk.....like I said, I only called because I was gonna ask his mom about his new job info, but he said he starts Sunday....and when his mom asked if I wanted to talk to him, I said "ok." and when he came on, I just asked him about his job stuff, we chatted about my sister, and all the other stuff.

My son is dealing with a tonsil infection too, so it's a good thing I have that extra emotional support from him. He was pretty choked when I told him about his hallucinations and convulsions from having a high fever (long story, it scared the shit out of me, but I was able to bring it down ASAP with tylenol and a lukewarm/tipid bath). And the whole disowning thing was a huge misunderstanding. He said he would NEVER say that, and said he's pretty sure the ex hacked his FB 'cause she did send me a message back in April from HIS account. (Long story short, she's just bossy).

But yeah....I'm relieved that I don't have to add this bull to my stressors.

Thank you!

Quoting grneyedormom:

I understand being easily stressed, especially when that adrenaline is full on coursing through your veins. Just take it one day at a time, if he's calm, try to stay calm when talking to him. It's healthier for you. You might be surprised to find that he is much easier to talk to and get along with now that the other woman is not in the picture (let's hope she stays out of the picture). When my ex married the lady he dated after me, those years were like hell for me, and the moment he called me to tell me they were getting divorced (it was all I could do to not say "I told you so") the tumultuous relationship he and I had literally did a 360  degree turn and it's been pretty good since then. Take it slow, talk it out. It might just be positive, and educate him on your son. 'Cause I'm sure D. is one amazing little boy!


animebuddy
by on Aug. 18, 2011 at 5:10 AM
Its nice that you two were able to talk, but honestly he's story wouldn't mean a thing to me. He's a grown ass man. If he wanted to be a father, no man or woman would keep him from doing so. Actions always speak louder than words.
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petite101
by Danielle on Aug. 18, 2011 at 7:23 AM

I agree! Actions speak way louder than words. Don't hold your breath waiting for him to be the father you would like him to be. Just continue to do your best for your little guy and if his dad comes around, good, if not, then you won't be disappointed as much.

Quoting animebuddy:

Its nice that you two were able to talk, but honestly he's story wouldn't mean a thing to me. He's a grown ass man. If he wanted to be a father, no man or woman would keep him from doing so. Actions always speak louder than words.


MamasaurusPrime
by on Aug. 18, 2011 at 11:18 AM

Thanks. Man, I'm gonna have to change my font color! LOL.

But yeah, I won't be like "YAY OKAY THEN!", I just wanna hear what he has to say and I'm gonna tell him everything I had to go through after that shit he put me through in April. I'm easily led on, but from now on, I'm not gonna be a damn doormat. If he starts getting mushy, I'm just gonna tell him to be a dad before he tries to talk all suede with me.

Quoting animebuddy:

Its nice that you two were able to talk, but honestly he's story wouldn't mean a thing to me. He's a grown ass man. If he wanted to be a father, no man or woman would keep him from doing so. Actions always speak louder than words.


zmama22
by on Aug. 18, 2011 at 12:40 PM


Quoting animebuddy:

Its nice that you two were able to talk, but honestly he's story wouldn't mean a thing to me. He's a grown ass man. If he wanted to be a father, no man or woman would keep him from doing so. Actions always speak louder than words.


and he's telling you that the only way he can be a father to your child is if he is not a father to the other child. aren't they both his children and should be taken care of? he sounds like a major loser and i don't even know why you entertained that conversation.

MamasaurusPrime
by on Aug. 18, 2011 at 2:55 PM

No no no, he never said anything about not being a father to the other child. He lost temporary custody of his son because they failed to provide for him but it sounds like the gf lost it now because she exposed her child to violence, which is considered a form of abuse.

He is getting full custody of his son now that he's living with his parents.

Quoting zmama22:


Quoting animebuddy:

Its nice that you two were able to talk, but honestly he's story wouldn't mean a thing to me. He's a grown ass man. If he wanted to be a father, no man or woman would keep him from doing so. Actions always speak louder than words.


and he's telling you that the only way he can be a father to your child is if he is not a father to the other child. aren't they both his children and should be taken care of? he sounds like a major loser and i don't even know why you entertained that conversation.


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