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Need advice! And to vent! Help! Crazy BD! (long)

Posted by on Aug. 19, 2011 at 9:32 PM
  • 16 Replies

I'm Erika and I just turned 19 in July. I have a two year old son named Ethan Kyle and he is the sweetest little kid around, I couldn't have hoped for a better child! But the problem is my BD who is almost 22 and is a complete ass!

I haven't really talked to many people about my situation because in some way talking makes me feel pathetic, but if I keep holding in what I am feeling, and what I need to say, I am going to go nowhere but straight to a looney bin! So I will start by filling everyone in on my "situation" and all the grueling details!

I  was with Jay, my sons father, for three and a half years. I was with him a year before I got pregnant when I was only 16, I was still with him through out my pregnancy, and In the last two months of my pregnancy my parents decided to move back to Michigan where all of our family lives, from Philadelphia where I had been living since I was 8. I didn't want to be apart from jay because I believed we were very much so in love... My parents agreed to let jay move to Michigan with us. Jay and I made the move I found a new doctor and then 6 weeks later I had Ethan. Everything was ok at first and he wasn't the most helpful but I didn't really mind because my super supportive mom was there to answer my questions and help me with everything I needed being as I was still in highscool and had to get back to my classes! I had been working up until a week before I moved back to Michigan so I had plenty of money saved up for everything I needed to get for the baby and after he came. Jay was suppose to find a job but he "didn't feel like going out to look" he has a huge problem with managing money though so in a very short amount of time he spent all my money, and I had to depend on my parents. Then when jay finally got a job working for MCD's he started working late and not spending time with me or our baby. I found out later that he was cheating on me. He told me that he felt trapped and that he wasn't ready for a baby and that he really needed some space. I gave him a little bit of space but I was hurt and I wanted to know why he would cheat on me, how he could do such a low deceitful thing, I pestered him with questions. My parents didn't make him move out because he couldn't afford to live on his own which meant he would have to go back to philadelphia and live with his mom and my parents didn't think it would be fair to seperate him from his son like that, so he continued to live with me and after a few weeks he asked me to get back together with him... things hadn't quite worked out as he had planned with the other girl... I wanted to make things work with him because deep down somewhere I did still love him and I didn't want to raise my son on my own! I wanted him to be a part of Ethan's life. I tried to make things work but inside I just couldnt get over the fact that he had cheated on me. I started working and I worked a lot of hours because I needed the money because he blew all his on video games and a 56 inch flat screen tv and wherever else his heart desired, I didnt have friends but when I started my job I made some acquaintences and everytime I would ask to go out with a few friends from work he would question me as if I were the one cheating on him!!! Some nerve right! Just because he would cheat on me doesnt mean I would do the same to him! Everything was a constant fight between us and he was always so vicious with his words dropping F bombs right infront of our young son!!! I reached a point where I couldn't take it anymore so I broke up with him. My parents still didn't kick him out and living in a house with a man I loved but just couldn't tolerate anymore was hell! Even though my parents wouldn't kick him out I wanted him gone.. so I asked and I asked again and again... what he told me was "No! Why would I move out and pay for all my own shit when I can live here and keep and eye on you for free!" So now here it is over a year later and he is just starting to consider moving out... He never pays for anything our son needs, including but not limited to diapers, milk, and childcare!!! He comes and goes as he pleases. He never checks on our son or offers to wake up with him or put him to bed or feed him, even though he lives in the same house! It's just nuts. He never signed the birth certificate when Ethan was born because he thought he might try and go into the military, so he has no legal rights! Now that he is trying to find a new place to live he is trying to find new ways to sabbatoge my life. While living here he has chased away any good guy who has ever had any interest in me and he became abusve and choked me twice when my parents were out of town, not to mention his everyday veral attacks! He has also told me within the last week that he has been having me followed 24/7! CREEPY RIGHT??? I've dealt with his BS for long enough its time for me to make a stand against him I'm just not really sure what to do. His latest threats have to do with trying to get custody of our son.. which he could never handle, he only wants to do this because he knows Ethan is my life! Ethan doesnt even hardly know him he calls him Jay not daddy! And he lives in our house how sad is that!?!?!?!?!? I pay for everything and I do all the work that comes along with having a kid on my own but somehow I'm still scared of him trying to take me to court because his parents are rich and give him money for everything and they would pay the best money for this I'm sure!

And worst of all I feel like my mom sides with him on everything. We use to be so close and now I can't even vent to her because she tells me hes not that crazy Erika, your just paranoid. Shes even loaning him money (which she will never get back, I know because I know how much money he has stolen from me) and shes trying to help him find furniture for his new apartment he is suppose to be getting! Now the only emotions I can muster up when I think of him are hatred, hurt, betrayal, and bitterness etc...

WHAT DO I DO? I need some encouragement, advice, anyone who can relate to what I am going through!!! I have no one and I appreciate all the listening ears!


Sincerely,

Erika


by on Aug. 19, 2011 at 9:32 PM
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Replies (1-10):
tyfry7496
by on Aug. 19, 2011 at 9:39 PM
Kick him out. Tell your parents its you and your son or him. Your parents should be supporting you not him. The next time he puts his hands on you call the police.
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lovinlife13
by on Aug. 19, 2011 at 9:57 PM
Tell his ass to go on.(((hugs)))

Quoting tyfry7496:

Kick him out. Tell your parents its you and your son or him. Your parents should be supporting you not him. The next time he puts his hands on you call the police.
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LancesMom
by on Aug. 19, 2011 at 10:39 PM

hugs

mommynac
by on Aug. 19, 2011 at 10:47 PM

I agree that you should kick him out. Call the police if he touches you. And I would do anything and everything to keep him away from your child. I'd even let him sign away his rights.

SexyDiva19
by on Aug. 19, 2011 at 10:50 PM

Oh wow! Your parents are seriously wrong! I would be beyond hurt if my parents did me like that. Do you know why they are against you like that? Do you have any money saved up? If I were you, I'd just take your son and leave. Your ex is not on the birth certificate so there's nothing he can do about it without taking you to court for a DNA test 1st. Good Luck mama! I was in something of a similar situation when I was between 15-19 except my parents didnt turn on me. Inbox me if you wanna talk k? Do you have any of the abuse documented?

pinkfruit19
by on Aug. 19, 2011 at 11:04 PM

My mom keeps telling me its my fault for bringing him into the house in the first place which sucks because if I had known that almost 4 years ago I would never have taken him in and let him live with me! I keep asking her to just be on my side whether its right or wrong to just side with me becuase shes my mother and I need her to have my back, but she just responds with you created this situation on your own Erika! It does hurt and I feel like Im alone at war in my own house! I work 30ish hours a week but its just not good enough pay to move out on my own yet! I have proof of the marks he left on my neck when he choked me and I try not to ever leave my son alone with him. I had a picture on my phone from when his dad put a bruise on his arm from grabbing him to hard but I lost it when my phone broke!

Thank you so much for listening and contributing so much advice everyone! I really appreciate it! It makes me feel like I'm not so alone!

idomatter
by Bronze Member on Aug. 19, 2011 at 11:10 PM

I would so fuckin' bounce on they mutha fuckin' ass! You've already been through the bullshit. You can make it. Now decide, tonight, that your plan is to save every damn dollar you make, smile through the time it takes to make new arrangements, and get the fuck out of there. Do you have any friends back in Philly that would put you and baby up until you got on your feet?

 

SexyDiva19
by on Aug. 19, 2011 at 11:11 PM

How is it your fault? You thought he was an upstanding trustworthy guy. If she sees he's no good then why doesn't she make him go back home? Why allow him to abuse you like that?

Quoting pinkfruit19:

My mom keeps telling me its my fault for bringing him into the house in the first place which sucks because if I had known that almost 4 years ago I would never have taken him in and let him live with me! I keep asking her to just be on my side whether its right or wrong to just side with me becuase shes my mother and I need her to have my back, but she just responds with you created this situation on your own Erika! It does hurt and I feel like Im alone at war in my own house! I work 30ish hours a week but its just not good enough pay to move out on my own yet! I have proof of the marks he left on my neck when he choked me and I try not to ever leave my son alone with him. I had a picture on my phone from when his dad put a bruise on his arm from grabbing him to hard but I lost it when my phone broke!

Thank you so much for listening and contributing so much advice everyone! I really appreciate it! It makes me feel like I'm not so alone!


pinkfruit19
by on Aug. 20, 2011 at 5:07 AM


Quoting idomatter:

I would so fuckin' bounce on they mutha fuckin' ass! You've already been through the bullshit. You can make it. Now decide, tonight, that your plan is to save every damn dollar you make, smile through the time it takes to make new arrangements, and get the fuck out of there. Do you have any friends back in Philly that would put you and baby up until you got on your feet?

 

Thank you so much everyone really. I don't know how my mom can stand to see him hurt me like this, but all of you are right I need to keep my chin up and get out for myself and for Ethan!

vamom08
by on Aug. 20, 2011 at 5:54 AM
HE NEEDS TO LEAVE AND WHEN HE DO GET A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST HIM YOUR YOUNG U DONT NEED A MAN PUTTING THIER HANDS ON YOU DID U LET YOUR PARENTS KNOW HE HIT U?
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