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Should I or not?

Posted by on Nov. 18, 2011 at 4:15 AM
  • 16 Replies

So I'll make this as short as I can. I broke up with my baby's dad 2 days before I found out I was pregnant and haven't told him about the pregnancy. I haven't told him because he was basically an addict so his lifestyle that came along with his addiction wasn't the greatest. He was addicted to pot. (Weird I know but he wasn't the "normal" pot head.)

Lately I've been REALLY missing him. But like not only that, I'm really feeling bad about not telling him. I think he has a suspicion about me being pregnant because he's asked me a couple of times, but he's never followed through with asking. It's his first child, and not to mention his first son. Whenever he would talk about us having kids one day, he'd get so excited when he'd talk about a boy. I haven't talked to him in about 2 1/2 - 3 months so I don't know what he's been doing. We had a good relationship whenever we didn't argue about the shit he was doing. 

So basically, I want to know if it'd be a good idea to tell him. I'm almost positive if I tell him he'll want to work it out. But I don't know if it's a good idea. I haven't thought it's a good idea for a long time but now I'm having second thoughts about my decision about keeping it from him. Should I tell him or just stick with my original decision?

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by on Nov. 18, 2011 at 4:15 AM
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Replies (1-10):
kateshac
by on Nov. 18, 2011 at 4:19 AM
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I think that you should tell him but stick to your guns as far as not being together.
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gabrielat
by on Nov. 18, 2011 at 4:22 AM


Quoting kateshac:

I think that you should tell him but stick to your guns as far as not being together.

Well if he wants to work it out, I'll deffinatly try to. I want my son to have a family. If it doesn't work out, it doesn't. I can't do anything about it but I want to see if he'll be in our son's life. I'm just scared even telling him he's going to be a father won't change his adiction and he'll choose all of that over his son. 

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KaitelynnesMom
by on Nov. 18, 2011 at 4:23 AM

I would tell him but make sure you let him know that you dont want to be together with him. if your that adimant(sp?) about it then stick to your decision

JakesMom712
by on Nov. 18, 2011 at 4:23 AM
1 mom liked this
Personally i think he has a right to know
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kateshac
by on Nov. 18, 2011 at 4:51 AM
Maybe you should have him go into treatment if he wants to make it work.


Quoting gabrielat:


Quoting kateshac:

I think that you should tell him but stick to your guns as far as not being together.

Well if he wants to work it out, I'll deffinatly try to. I want my son to have a family. If it doesn't work out, it doesn't. I can't do anything about it but I want to see if he'll be in our son's life. I'm just scared even telling him he's going to be a father won't change his adiction and he'll choose all of that over his son. 


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klei.kj513
by on Nov. 18, 2011 at 4:56 AM

I would definitely tell him because he does have the right to know. but, i agree with kateshac..stick to your guns as far as not being together. your first instinct is always right.I've been there. addict, you name it. i tried to work it out because i wanted my daughter to have a family. things are good when we aren't fighting but i wish i would have followed my gut instinct . your intentions are good and you want the best for your baby but believe me, unless he is aware of his own addiction, no good would come of it. i am glad i have supportive family and friends but i wish i would have listened to them. so be strong and stand your ground because its not about you or him anymore... your baby comes first ..being single isn't easy but to see your baby's face so innocent and just happy is the best feeling in the world

mamasinpajamas
by on Nov. 18, 2011 at 5:19 AM
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You should tell him, and let him know that if he wants to work it out, then getting help for his addiction is a stipulation of that. You don't want your child being raised by an addict, trust me. they're irrational, and unable to really commit to someone else, let alone commit to raising a child. You don't want to get back together with him and try to work it out, have him be involved in your child's life, only to find out LATER (when it's even harder to accept) that it's not going to work out and that he's not good for you or your child.

gabrielat
by on Nov. 18, 2011 at 5:24 AM

I know. I saw how much he couldn't commit to me, and even to his mom and grandparents. He was so manipulitive with them, even though I know he loved them to death. And everyone around him always told me how sprung he was for me and I knew he wasn't acting it out with me. Just everyone he was supposed to have some kind of commitment towards, even if really did love them, wasn't enough to have him open his eyes and see his addiction was affecting everything and everyone. 

Quoting mamasinpajamas:

You should tell him, and let him know that if he wants to work it out, then getting help for his addiction is a stipulation of that. You don't want your child being raised by an addict, trust me. they're irrational, and unable to really commit to someone else, let alone commit to raising a child. You don't want to get back together with him and try to work it out, have him be involved in your child's life, only to find out LATER (when it's even harder to accept) that it's not going to work out and that he's not good for you or your child.


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musicality7
by on Nov. 18, 2011 at 5:25 AM
You can have a family and not be romantically involved with the father. Tell him, but like it's been mentioned, don't back down. It's more traumatic for a child to see their parents' relationship turn into a screaming match, but I'm sure if he was raised with loving parents, although not "together," he would be fine.

Don't try to "work it out" just for the sake of your child. If you wouldn't go back to him if you weren't pregnant, don't do it now. Let him in his son's life, of course. Let him be a father. But getting back together? Nah.
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josiahmom
by on Nov. 18, 2011 at 7:43 AM

id tell him

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