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Is it better to stay married while living separately and raise children?

Posted by on Nov. 26, 2011 at 7:26 PM
  • 11 Replies

Has anyone ever dated their ex husband? Im separated from my husband currently. I dont think we could ever be happy living together, but I sometimes wonder if we could date each other one day. We have young children together. I think it would be nice to all get together on the weekends and go to the zoo, or out to eat. Maybe watch movies at each others places. He makes very good money and has an awesome retirement plan. Its tempting to be apart of that in some way. He's a good man just very HOT headed and I didnt want my children to be raised like that. I will never move in with him again... Maybe I would consider it after our children moved out. He's also a messy person and I hate it! I just wonder if times have changed and living separately is actually better for a long term relationships. Any thoughts....?   

by on Nov. 26, 2011 at 7:26 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Janiri0610
by on Nov. 26, 2011 at 7:42 PM

I think living separately is fine but you both need to be on the same page as far as the relationship goes. I think if you guys just want to spend time together with the children then you do not need to be together to do that.

bjane01
by on Nov. 26, 2011 at 10:05 PM

Well, I did that for a while. We were separated and still married. Lived down the street from each other. We spent time together and it worked out okay. He really wanted us back together. After 4 years and many times him asking us to get back together, I got back together with him. We had twin girls 2 years ago. Spent the last 2 years in hell with him. He started doing the same things he did before but worse than ever. It was terrible because I didn't want to leave again and felt stuck. Finally I had enough(verbal abuse) and I just left him again 2 weeks ago. No going back this time and not spending time together. I realize that I made a mistake now spending time with him. I should have just went on with my life. Now I am older with 2 more kids in the same place I was before. I don't regret trying again, I just regret that I was naive enough to think he would treat me differently.

Robsessed98
by on Nov. 26, 2011 at 10:12 PM

pretty much what I was gonna say

Quoting Janiri0610:

I think living separately is fine but you both need to be on the same page as far as the relationship goes. I think if you guys just want to spend time together with the children then you do not need to be together to do that.


sarahbeyes
by on Nov. 27, 2011 at 9:47 AM

At least you got some beautiful twing girls out of it. Twins are a miracle. I wanted a set so bad. I could totally see my husband begging me back and me giving in. My husband is verbally abusive too. I guess your right. I just hope i dont end up with another loser who acts perfect, and then his true colors come out after we are married.  

Alaine66
by on Nov. 27, 2011 at 10:08 AM

My husband asked for a divorce in 2003 when I was on vacation visiting my parents with our kids... he 'went to counseling" and "saw the errors of his ways"  I moved back because I thought it was the right thing to do.... by 2005 I was drowning in my marriage as things had reverted back to the way they were....    I know sometimes the underlying issues in a marriage can be fixed.... sometimes they cannot be.... It is OK to put yourself first sometimes - especially if he is hot headed....if you can build a friendship and live apart, divorced or not, that would be wonderful - my ex cannot even be in the same room with me  - i attribute that to deep down he knows he is guilty of what I accused him of

crimsonangel180
by on Nov. 27, 2011 at 10:14 AM
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I am divorced and my ex and we do things together with the twins.people are surprised on how well we get along. I think staying married but living separately will give your kids the wrong idea about marriage
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Andrewsmom70
by on Nov. 27, 2011 at 10:16 AM
I'm not sure what you hope to accomplish with the scenerio you described.

It sounds like you want all the positives (someone to spend time with, his good retirement, etc.) But don't really want this guy. That doesn't seem at all fair to me. It seems like you want to use him and I'm not a fan of using anyone.
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LifeCafe42
by on Nov. 27, 2011 at 10:18 AM
My friend and her ex did that and he thought it was a sign they were getting back together. She started dating someone else and it got ugly.
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faerie75
by Ruby Member on Nov. 27, 2011 at 4:41 PM
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I think you should be civil and do stuff together but dating, no. That's like being in continual constant limbo. And if you can't be civil enough to hang out, then just do things separate and don't engage to argue.
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tyfry7496
by on Nov. 27, 2011 at 4:42 PM
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Good advice.

Quoting Janiri0610:

I think living separately is fine but you both need to be on the same page as far as the relationship goes. I think if you guys just want to spend time together with the children then you do not need to be together to do that.

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