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I need advice Ladies...please help if you can

Posted by on Nov. 19, 2007 at 3:29 PM
  • 10 Replies

Im a single mother and I have been since the day my son was born.

His father has not been a very big part of his life.  though Im content with that, it is by his choice not mine.   The man is a self centered drunk.

however, over the past few months some things have been going down and now I am beggining to worry.  We had child support established in 04/07 but a custody agreement has not been ordered.  Now, two years later he wants him. But what is worrying me even more are the indirect threats he has been giving me.  everytime I talk to the man he tells me how much he hates my guts, he has told me that he wishes an accident would happen, like I would get in a car wreck and be killed....just night before last we were arguing via text messaging and out of no where he says, and this is a direct qoute:

"My hands do not shake.  I could murder a man and my hands would remain still"  my response was,

"yeah, I think you are capable of killing thats why I keep everyone up to date on our situation and why I fear for my sons safety in your care..."

his response was "you are right"

I was open to letting Landon visit him but now I'm scared of what he is capable of...he really is a drunk..what will happen to my son if this man is allowed to have him?he called and told me tonight that his g/f is moving down and they are setting up a "family enviroment" to bring Landon into...and his lawyer is on the case..I MUST do SOMETHING!  I have to fight for full custody but, as I said, Im a single mother and I dont have thousands of $ to hand over to a lawyer....please, if there is anyone out there that has any suggestions and advice I would LOVE to have it.....I must act quickly....I can also be reached at my myspace

please, I need someones help

by on Nov. 19, 2007 at 3:29 PM
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by on Nov. 19, 2007 at 3:47 PM
Get a lawyer that will let you make payments. File for full custody, get a restraining order on him and if you still got the text messages where he's talking about murder save it and see about showing it the judge that you go in front of for custody. If the dad demands visitation and the judge wants to give it to him see if you can get supervised because of his dad being a drunk and threating  you.
Kinda sounds like he is wanting to show off in front of his girlfriend by asking for your son.
by on Nov. 19, 2007 at 3:49 PM
You have got to document everything, especially if you have it electronicaly.  You should probalby also contact your police department.  They can hopefully give you some advice, but at least it is another form of documentation.  Any threat that you have documented can be used in a custody hearing.  If you have any witnesses, have them document them too.  It is really not likely that he can get any custody, but you need to protect yourself also.  Do not let your son stay with him if you have any fears at all and try to allways have at least one other person with you if you need to see him.  You also need to get a lawyer, even if you have to borrow for a retainer.  He he has one, you need one.  It may be the best money you ever spend,  ask around and get reccomendations for a good lawyer.  It will cost you less now than when you have to go and fix a serious problem!
Good Luck, I'm thinking about you.  It is very hard for guys to get custody and if he is stupid enough to threated you, he probably won't have a prayer in court. Stick to your guns!
by on Nov. 19, 2007 at 3:51 PM
I have a lot of advice to give to you and I want to add you to my MySpace but I'm at work and can't do that. You are in a very dangerous situation and you need to get a lawyer. There are programs out there for single moms and a program of lawyers that are based of off income for low income families. I found my lawyer through a Childbirth and Parenting Alone program called CAPA. I don't know what state you are in but go to the yellow pages of your phone book and look under counseling. You can also call some family lawyers and see if they can give you any information to a pro bono lawyer who you can talk to and tell your situation to. Also, I would contact your phone company and see if you can get a list or a print out of all the texts you sent and were sent back that way you have something in writing. DOCUMENT, everything that is said and written by your ex. List times and dates and everything that was said so you have documentation of everything going on. THis is going to be the only way you have proof of anything. Tell anyone and everyone. Start a blog on here even if you make it private so there is documentation. Call a close friend or family member and tell them all of your concerns so if something DOES happen, they are aware of the situation. Most of all, if you need anything feel free to add me as your friend on here and I will also send you a message on myspace. I found my lawyer through a program and my situation was nothing near yours. In fact my ex is the best father ever and we are good friends now, although I would never be with him again.

I hope some of this helps. I'd be happy to help you if you want to talk.

by on Nov. 19, 2007 at 10:32 PM
I hope you saved that texted and you take it to the police for a restraining order.  It doesn't matter that he is the daddy, you need to get him out of you and your sons life
by on Nov. 19, 2007 at 10:38 PM
First of all, get some type of restraining order against that man, and make sure to get a copy of the police reports you make against him. Insist the police make a report that he has threatened you, etc.
Secondly, I wouldn't worry too much about him getting custody of your son, as the court would take into account who your son has been living with and bonded with.
They would have to be nuts to even consider giving custody to this whacko!

by on Nov. 19, 2007 at 10:46 PM
He doesn't sound too smart.  My ex-husband was abusive too, even after the divorce he fought with me and used the kids to do so. He once also threatened me in the same way and did so via voice message. I went to my local constable and let him hear it and he called my ex-husband and warned him that if he threatened me again he would be arrested because it is against the law here to make threats like that.  Definitely keep all records, even the messages on your phone. Be very aggressive about it and don't think about getting back with him. I can tell you after a 13 year horrible marriage to my ex-husband, they rarely change. Even if he miraculously stops drinking he will likely still be abusive to you.
I would recmmend calling the Battered Women's Shelter in your area. They will give you a counselor that will help you step by step with child support, protection and staying strong. 
God Bless You,
by on Nov. 20, 2007 at 5:19 PM
keep all your text messages so when you go to court you can show theme to the judge also the courts offer mediation groups for free so they can help so you can get full custody.
by on Nov. 20, 2007 at 5:25 PM
I agree with all the other ladies, I will keep u n my prayers.  U and ur son I will be praying for. 


by on Nov. 22, 2007 at 1:01 AM
I agree with the other ladies. Get a lawyer and a restraining order. Make sure that you put your son on your restraining order to be protected, just in case he tries something crazy. A civil protection order would be good. You can keep one of those for five years and make sure to put your son's name on it. That way if he violates the protection order, then he goes to jail.
by on Nov. 22, 2007 at 2:47 AM
I was in the same situation and I took out cash advances from my credit cards to get a good lawyer.  You can also call child protection services and report to them that you have concerns for your son safety.  Watch everything you say to your ex b/c he can be setting you up as well. Document all his threats, save emails, etc. Get a witness to all the threats via phone, in person, etc. Start gathering info about the new girlfriend and if she has DUI, or anything like that you can use it against them. In court you can suggest your ex go to classes for his drinking and he have an alcohol monitor put on. My ex was ordered to wear one and he failed and was ordered to supervised visitation. Don't give up and keep fighting for you son. Worry about the bills later.
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