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Anonymous Sperm Donor

Posted by on Dec. 3, 2011 at 12:14 PM
  • 51 Replies

Has anyone here used an anonymous sperm donor to conceive? If so , how will you explain their conception to your child?

by on Dec. 3, 2011 at 12:14 PM
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Replies (1-10):
katatrinakay
by on Dec. 3, 2011 at 12:25 PM

i was concieved through anonymous donor insemination... all i can say is that i would NEVER want my child to go through the hurt and confusion and the feelings that i have had to deal with, and that i STILL deal with today.  today still, i am angry, confused... it's caused a boatload of issues in my life..  i have major identity issues.. an eating disorder..  total mental confusion.. i WISH my mom would have considered how i would feel in the future, rather than just wanting to fill her "need/want" for a baby.  i wish she would have adopted...  it's confusing as hell, being a donor kid.  I think about it every day...every time i look in the mirror, i see half my mom (which makes me angry) and half anonymity... a total blur..something i may not EVER be able to relate to...  half of myself is a total stranger...... i hate it. 

sunnymom322
by on Dec. 3, 2011 at 12:49 PM

I have a friend who did, and there are all sorts of books and workshops and forums about it. It seems that it is better for the child to start early, and my friend practiced telling the story when her kid was a baby.

What she said to her child changed as her child grew older. What you tell a two year old is very different than a 5 yo etc.  eg." Mommy wanted a baby so much that she went to a doctor and he put seeds in her tummy that a nice man gave her so she could grow a family" The most important thing is that the kid knows they were wanted.

There are lots of versions of this. There are also children's books about it.  Try singlemothersbychoice.com or choicemom......there are also sites for married people that have used 3rd party reproduction (donr eggs or sperm) I think that's called Resolve.

Robsessed98
by on Dec. 3, 2011 at 1:36 PM

I'm against it because of the psychological damage it could do to the child, but I guess if I wanted a child and couldn't conceive and had no other choice, I might feel differently.

SinceresMomma
by on Dec. 3, 2011 at 1:54 PM
Wow, you know I've never thought about the confusion it could cause to a child before this post.
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unspecified42
by on Dec. 3, 2011 at 4:26 PM

Some donor kids are fine, others have issues, just like adoptees. Unless something changes dramatically in my life in the next couple of years, this is my plan (and actually I'm going to conceive using donor sperm now, but as a surrogate for my sister).

My decision about it is that I would choosea donor who was willing to be known when the child reached 18 so that if they had questions they could seek him out. I would also tell the child their story from early on so that it was never this big secret that it felt like we were hiding.

Everyone has challenges in life. I don't think that being intentionally conceived because you were so very wanted is the worst thing that can happen to a child psychologically. Many children will never know one or more of their parents, but for far worse reasons.

tyfry7496
by on Dec. 3, 2011 at 4:32 PM
Adoptive children have issues, biological children have issues. It doesn't matter how a child is conceived, anyone can have issues.

With that my cousin and her partner used a sperm donor to conceive and that little girl will be the most loved child when she makes her appearance in the next coming weeks.

If I didn't have any other means and wanted a child I would use a donor. What difference would it make? Men walk away from their children everyday.
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katatrinakay
by on Dec. 3, 2011 at 5:52 PM
It does .make a difference. I will always suggest adoption. I speak from experience. I personally think its a very selfish choice... Especially considering how many children are out there that are already alive who need a living family.... I think, personally, doing something for the greater good, such as giving a child who needs a home, through thadoption, would be fast more fulfilling than paying to make one....just because you're willing to pay for done anonymous sperm in a cup doesn't mean you're going to be a good parent.... I don't like any of it.. I've felt like a scientific experiment for too many years of my life..its unfair, intentional, and preventable..
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tyfry7496
by on Dec. 3, 2011 at 6:13 PM
1 mom liked this
I am not being rude here but have you thought about or gone to counseling? It sounds like you could use some help with your feelings. It is just a suggestion.

Quoting katatrinakay:

It does .make a difference. I will always suggest adoption. I speak from experience. I personally think its a very selfish choice... Especially considering how many children are out there that are already alive who need a living family.... I think, personally, doing something for the greater good, such as giving a child who needs a home, through thadoption, would be fast more fulfilling than paying to make one....just because you're willing to pay for done anonymous sperm in a cup doesn't mean you're going to be a good parent.... I don't like any of it.. I've felt like a scientific experiment for too many years of my life..its unfair, intentional, and preventable..
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katatrinakay
by on Dec. 3, 2011 at 6:31 PM
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Yes, many many years of counseling. And that was kind of rude.
The problem with getting people to understand the situation and the feelings that we deal with as donor babies is that we're expected to just appreciate that we were born... yes, someone really wanted a baby and made me...so get over it, accept it, right? you're not the one who's got to look in the mirror every day and wonder who's starting back at you. To see your self from a different angle and realize that you don't even recognize yourself...to know that you might die feeling like you're half a stranger to your self... This is my form of healing, voicing my opinion on the matter, and trying to make people aware of the feelings that kids like I endure daily. Sorry you don't like it, yes everyone deals with things differently. don't discount my opinion be telling me that I need counseling..accept that this is the view point of one donor child, and it is what it is...a first hand experience.
if you do some research, you'll find that I'm not the only donor kid to feel this way..its a natural normal part of being human, the want and need to know your biological origins
Quoting tyfry7496:

I am not being rude here but have you thought about or gone to counseling? It sounds like you could use some help with your feelings. It is just a suggestion.

Quoting katatrinakay:

It does .make a difference. I will always suggest adoption. I speak from experience. I personally think its a very selfish choice... Especially considering how many children are out there that are already alive who need a living family.... I think, personally, doing something for the greater good, such as giving a child who needs a home, through thadoption, would be fast more fulfilling than paying to make one....just because you're willing to pay for done anonymous sperm in a cup doesn't mean you're going to be a good parent.... I don't like any of it.. I've felt like a scientific experiment for too many years of my life..its unfair, intentional, and preventable..


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Dawnie-marie
by Dawn on Dec. 3, 2011 at 6:47 PM
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Quoting tyfry7496:

Adoptive children have issues, biological children have issues. It doesn't matter how a child is conceived, anyone can have issues.

With that my cousin and her partner used a sperm donor to conceive and that little girl will be the most loved child when she makes her appearance in the next coming weeks.

If I didn't have any other means and wanted a child I would use a donor. What difference would it make? Men walk away from their children everyday.

I completely agree, any child can have issues, as long as the child knows they are loved, it doesn't matter how they are concieved.

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