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Family Bed

Posted by on Nov. 20, 2007 at 12:12 AM
  • 24 Replies

I am a single mom to 3 boys, 20, 17 and 12.
My 12 year old still likes to sleep with me once in awhile and to be honest, I don't mind it one bit. I like having him next to me just as much as he likes to be near his mom. It is a security thing for both sides. He was only 6 when his dad left and he is the only one out of the 3 boys who sees his dad who ended up marrying the 'best friend' when he left us 6 years ago. He is starting to deal with his issues from what happened with his dad and so sometimes he is upset and wants to sleep with me. I have some friends who think I am wrong for allowing my son to be in the same bed with me. I have a huge king size bed and its not like we even touch one another when we sleep, as I said its totally a thing for both of us and it only happens about once a week. Anyone have an opinion on this? I mean I really don't think its wrong, if he were 15 or something maybe...
by on Nov. 20, 2007 at 12:12 AM
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Replies (1-10):
by on Nov. 20, 2007 at 12:14 AM
Well, yeah I wouldn't do it.
by on Nov. 20, 2007 at 12:23 AM
I see both sides.  I do see how it would be easier to understand if it has been something that you guys have just done as he's grown up, but there is a point where it does just seem inappropriate.  He's just an age before being a teenager but not really a boy yet either is what I think is the issue.  Do what's best for both you & your son, though!
by on Nov. 20, 2007 at 12:27 AM
I just feel that sleeping with you may not encourage him to be confident on his own. I feel a boy this age has to foster some self dependence.
Also he is ready for puberty or already going through it, so for him it would seem to be akward sleeping with his mom.

by on Nov. 20, 2007 at 1:23 AM
Yeah I agree, my kids all end up crawling in bed with me at night but I have 5 year old twin girls and a 3 year old boy and a king size bed. Let me tell ya, it used to be a queen and I couldn't take it anymore. But anyway, if he wants to snuggle with you and be close with you, maybe you should read to him or spend some quality time with him up on the couch or something and talk to him about the fact that while you are there for him whenever he needs you, he needs to sleep in his own bed because that's what boys who are teenagers do. It's not normal for a boy that age to sleep with his mom. I think I stopped sleeping with my mom around 8 or so. I think that is a good age to cut the apron strings so to speak. You and your son need to have some quality time together to talk and do things just you two so he knows you are there for him but honestly I think the bed sleeping has to stop. 15 is 3 years away and we're talking close to dating age.

Bottom line is find some comforting things to do with your son while he's awake, but encourage him to sleep on his own.
by Ruby Member on Nov. 20, 2007 at 1:44 AM
LOL my 9 year old still sleeps with me. and he tries to spoon! i have been trying to get him out of my bed for the longest. whenever i get him out of my bed, he gets in bed with his 13 year old bro. the older one got sick of it so hes back with me. damn....

by on Nov. 20, 2007 at 3:59 AM

I think 12 is kinda the cut-off with sons, (puberty and what not). Maybe get a love-seat hide-a-bed in your room so he can still sleep in there but not be in the same bed.

by on Nov. 20, 2007 at 6:00 AM
My sons both did the same thing, and they left on their own. I didn't insist that they couldn't sleep with me any more, but somewhere between 12 and 14 they decided to do it themselves. They'll know what they need, just be there for them. They are now 17 and 19, and still sometimes come in early in the morning to lay down for 5 minutes and talk. I'm so grateful I had that time with them.
by on Nov. 20, 2007 at 6:04 AM
Reply to mommie and bear? hope I got that right :}

yea I am the mom, and I am acutally kinda surprised at the more negative responses i have gotten. I can see both sides as well. And this is something we have done since his dad left and in fact his older brother who is now 17 slept with me for about the first year after dad left, he quit when he was around 12. Nick is a very sensitive kid and yes I do try to encourage and foster his being confident and whatnot on his own in his own room sometimes I tell him no. but when he comes home from a upsetting weekend with his dad is when i feel the worst for him and want to be there for him. We are fully dressed but maybe that does not make any difference to some.  I will take into consideration all comments as some make good sense, he is growing up, thats hard too since he is the last one...being a mom and doing right in this sitution {being a single mom is so hard!!! you just want to help your kids not hurt!!}

Thanks ya all
by on Nov. 20, 2007 at 7:46 AM
I know its a little different but my daughter did the same thing when my exhusband left.  She slept with me for over a year after the break up.  She had security issues, she use to ask me if I was going to leave too.  She eventually found her way back to her bed.

Life is short, break the rules, forgive quickly,

Kiss slowly, love truly, laugh uncontrollably,

And never regret anything that made you smile

by on Nov. 20, 2007 at 7:58 AM

I am a brand new mother of one baby girl.. I really dont know why people are giving this a bad look.. It is your son, for crying out loud, you are not in bed with a 12yo stranger, hello?? If he needs momma, so be it with him. If this is the way he feels secure, let it be.. eventually he'll grow up and would want to be on his own.  If he needs you, why not be there for him.  Do what comes from your heart, you are the mom and know what is best for your family. 
My 2cents.  I co-sleep too, and will until she is ready to move to her own bed.

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