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I am a single mom to 3 boys, 20, 17 and 12.
My 12 year old still likes to sleep with me once in awhile and to be honest, I don't mind it one bit. I like having him next to me just as much as he likes to be near his mom. It is a security thing for both sides. He was only 6 when his dad left and he is the only one out of the 3 boys who sees his dad who ended up marrying the 'best friend' when he left us 6 years ago. He is starting to deal with his issues from what happened with his dad and so sometimes he is upset and wants to sleep with me. I have some friends who think I am wrong for allowing my son to be in the same bed with me. I have a huge king size bed and its not like we even touch one another when we sleep, as I said its totally a comfort.security thing for both of us and it only happens about once a week. Anyone have an opinion on this? I mean I really don't think its wrong, if he were 15 or something maybe...
thanks
Kristin
by on Nov. 20, 2007 at 12:12 AM
Replies (21-24):
Sabati
by on Nov. 22, 2007 at 9:28 AM

Quote:

I really dont know why people are giving this a bad look.. It is your son, for crying out loud, you are not in bed with a 12yo stranger, hello?? If he needs momma, so be it with him. If this is the way he feels secure, let it be.. eventually he'll grow up and would want to be on his own.  If he needs you, why not be there for him.  Do what comes from your heart, you are the mom and know what is best for your family.
I crawled in bed and cuddled with my mom when I was in my early 30s and had two kids of my own! I had been living far away from her for so many years, and it felt so good to be near my momma again that I just needed this for a while, and she understood.
Your son is your baby, from within your womb, and as long as you both remember that, there is nothing wrong with him wanting to cuddle, sometimes, no matter how old he is. They will grow up more secure for knowing you're there for them.
Yes, sometimes there are problems, as when children are exploring their sexuality, but if you are wise, you can handle it without damaging their growth or having to push them completely away. My oldest went through a period where he was curious and actually began very subtley flirting with me (this is actually normal with an opposite sex parent). When that began to happen, I kept finding opportunities (like by joking around or when talking about the news) to mention how awful child molestation was and especially how gross it was to think of a parent "taking advantage" of their own child. He eventually got the programming, as I wanted him to, and he's long over it now.
My sons are now almost 21 and 14 and when they're missing me, they still crawl in my bed. This past year, I've been having problems with my 13 yr old. He'd almost stopped talking to me and was acting like he hated me, and then, when school started, he suddenly started crawling in my bed in the mornings "because it's cold". While he slept, at first, he stayed as far away as he could get (in a twin bed, hehe), but didn't mind me putting just my warm feet against his cold ones, and then I started putting my hand on his arm and stroking his hair like I did when he was little, and eventually worked up to him snuggling close.
He needed his mom, but he was stuck in an ugly cycle and couldn't unbend. I was fortunate to have this opportunity to reach out to him in this way and re-establish the loving parent/child bond, and now he is talking to me again and things are getting better...and I've got my bed back. Sometimes, kids just need to reconnect in the ways they know best. 

PaWAHM
by on Nov. 22, 2007 at 9:53 AM

Quoting Sabati:

I crawled in bed and cuddled with my mom when I was in my early 30s and had two kids of my own! I had been living far away from her for so many years, and it felt so good to be near my momma again that I just needed this for a while, and she understood.
Your son is your baby, from within your womb, and as long as you both remember that, there is nothing wrong with him wanting to cuddle, sometimes, no matter how old he is. They will grow up more secure for knowing you're there for them.
Yes, sometimes there are problems, as when children are exploring their sexuality, but if you are wise, you can handle it without damaging their growth or having to push them completely away. My oldest went through a period where he was curious and actually began very subtley flirting with me (this is actually normal with an opposite sex parent). When that began to happen, I kept finding opportunities (like by joking around or when talking about the news) to mention how awful child molestation was and especially how gross it was to think of a parent "taking advantage" of their own child. He eventually got the programming, as I wanted him to, and he's long over it now.
My sons are now almost 21 and 14 and when they're missing me, they still crawl in my bed. This past year, I've been having problems with my 13 yr old. He'd almost stopped talking to me and was acting like he hated me, and then, when school started, he suddenly started crawling in my bed in the mornings "because it's cold". While he slept, at first, he stayed as far away as he could get (in a twin bed, hehe), but didn't mind me putting just my warm feet against his cold ones, and then I started putting my hand on his arm and stroking his hair like I did when he was little, and eventually worked up to him snuggling close.
He needed his mom, but he was stuck in an ugly cycle and couldn't unbend. I was fortunate to have this opportunity to reach out to him in this way and re-establish the loving parent/child bond, and now he is talking to me again and things are getting better...and I've got my bed back. Sometimes, kids just need to reconnect in the ways they know best.



Rachel
RaeLpz@gmail.com
MySpace.com/NuyoricanInPA

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NateysMama
by on Nov. 22, 2007 at 10:06 AM
i didnt read all the replies but i say you let him sleep with you until he is ready to stay in his own bed. you arent doing anything wrong letting him be comforted by you. you are just sleeping. youre not cuddeling or anything like that, just sleeping and being there to comfort eachother when its needed. your son will decide when he no longer needs to sleep with you. i think if you kick him out and tell him no when he needs your comfort that he will start to think you arent there for him anymore and he will feel all alone inthe world. so whats the harm in letting him share the bed a night or two a week, it comforts you both and you get to keep a bond with him that not many moms get with preteens and teens. i hope you two stay close forever. good luck hun

If you don't like what i have to say, I'm sorry you feel that way, I just don't care. If you want me to know how you feel or would like some more advice, feel free to message me personally. 

and

CJP4105
by on Nov. 22, 2007 at 10:15 AM
My 2 1/2 year old sleeps with me. It's always been just me and him so we're really close.  I love it that he sleeps with me.  I go to school full time and work weekends and one night a week, and church choir practice every monday night.  So my son and I don't spend that much time together for now. Another reason why he sleeps with me is cause I live at my dads in a rased basement and there's only one room and a living room down here, there's also a bathroom and kichenette.  my opinion, It's not bad for children to sleep with their parents as long as the parents don't mind it.  so that's my input.
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