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Separation & Divorce 101

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This post is a place for us to share advice, questions and personal stories about separation and divorce.  

 

Here are some topics that have been discussed in this group:

  • Deciding to relocate after divorce
  • Remaining friends after the break-up
  • Meeting the ex's new partner
  • Assuring the children that they are not the cause of the break-up
  • Mediation

fingers crossed

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Please share your best advice for those going through a divorce or separation in the replies below.

by on Dec. 22, 2011 at 2:54 PM
Replies (211-220):
kam744
by Member on Feb. 13, 2014 at 10:29 PM
I am a single mom of a five year old boy. I've been separated for almost a year (nasty custody battle) looking to have it finalized in a couple of weeks. Keeping my head up and looking forward to a better life for me and my son.
kam744
by Member on Feb. 13, 2014 at 10:43 PM
I'm having that exact same problem. My divorce isn't final yet, but a week after I left he had his girlfriend move in and start taking care of my son while he is at work (24 hour shifts b/c he is a firefighter) tbe jusge said he is allowed to have any sitter he chooses and my lawyer said I have to be able to prove they are living together in court and that's almost impossible. Even after the divorce is finalized, I still jave to prove she is there when she is not supposed to be. I don't care one bit that he is seeing someone, I don't want it to confuse my son more and fir him to think its okay to change women like they do underwear. Sorry had to vent. Very frustrated by my own situation!

Quoting nomily:

My husband and I have been seperated for almost 2 years. When we were together I was the primary parent of our two children. Now that we are sperated he has had to step up and actually be a parent and while i am so happy that they now have him in that role, I am finding it so hard to co-parent. I want to discuss ideas and issues that arrise and try to find common ground between us so that it is more fluid and consistant for the kids. He says i choose to leave and therefore abandoned all rights to not only know what they do, but also to have an opionion on what he does with the kids on his time. The latest issue being his dating life. Since our split he has dated a number of women, which i have no problem with. The problem I have is him choosing to involve every one of them with the children. Within weeks of them meeting, they are sleeping over, watching, transporting the kids. The most current of two months has now been added to the kids pick up list at their schools.This blows my mind! They are so impressionable and have so much in their life that they are trying to make sense of. I have never at any point been hostile or argumentive. I just wantede clarification on his ideals and values as a parent. He said I was out of line. Am I? I am really struggling with this. I think my feelings are valid and that i am not being irrational. its not about him and his dating life, its about the effect it may have on the kids. I know that i can not change him and that I am an influence as well. I have the oppurtunity to show them loving and healthy relationships both romantic and otherwise. I want to move past this, maybe the venting will help, but am also interested in hearing other parents opinions on this. Sorry for the lengthiness of this post and appreciate any input.

Cafe AmyS
by Head Admin on Feb. 14, 2014 at 7:29 AM

Welcome!  I'm glad for you that things will be finalized soon.  I know it's hard but the relief of having that part over with is so worth it.  (((hug)))

Quoting kam744: I am a single mom of a five year old boy. I've been separated for almost a year (nasty custody battle) looking to have it finalized in a couple of weeks. Keeping my head up and looking forward to a better life for me and my son.


mightymic
by New Member on Mar. 14, 2014 at 2:44 PM

Okay I will make this short - hopefully.  Separated for one year - absolutely no hope or wish to get back with husband.  He created a great deal of trauma in the last 20 years.  We have two boys together 14 and 11.  He is going camping with his girlfriend this weekend with the boys.  They are all sleeping in the same tent.  I informed him this was inappropriate.  He doesn't care what I think or how I feel - well anyone really.  If it serves him then it's perfectly appropriate.  Do I tell him because I'm trying to change him or should I continue to voice my opinion regarding these types of behaviors?  He is an every other weekend father.  Only sees them during the week if he's "helping me."  He thinks he's a great dad.  Moved closer to girlfriend and over an hour away from his children . . . I would rather just not care . . . thoughts?  The only jealously thing is that I should be camping with my children - not his girlfriend - know what I mean?

lele0730
by New Member on Mar. 16, 2014 at 2:56 AM
Hi everyone:) my name is Sam and I'm new here :). I have been separated since I was pregnant with my 3 year old daughter, he doesn't want a divorce but I do, we are both good people but just not good together. Sometimes I feel so empty I don't know why, guys are pretty much interested, I just don't know why I choose not to date them. Girls Is there something wrong with me
Cafe AmyS
by Head Admin on Mar. 16, 2014 at 11:25 AM

I don't blame you for wanting to not care, but for the sake of your boys, that's hard to do.  I hope the boys had a nice time on the camping trip, but not so nice that they didn't wish you were there. ;)

Quoting mightymic:

Okay I will make this short - hopefully.  Separated for one year - absolutely no hope or wish to get back with husband.  He created a great deal of trauma in the last 20 years.  We have two boys together 14 and 11.  He is going camping with his girlfriend this weekend with the boys.  They are all sleeping in the same tent.  I informed him this was inappropriate.  He doesn't care what I think or how I feel - well anyone really.  If it serves him then it's perfectly appropriate.  Do I tell him because I'm trying to change him or should I continue to voice my opinion regarding these types of behaviors?  He is an every other weekend father.  Only sees them during the week if he's "helping me."  He thinks he's a great dad.  Moved closer to girlfriend and over an hour away from his children . . . I would rather just not care . . . thoughts?  The only jealously thing is that I should be camping with my children - not his girlfriend - know what I mean?


Cafe AmyS
by Head Admin on Mar. 16, 2014 at 11:26 AM

Hi Sam!  Why does he not want a divorce?  3 years separated is a long time and I would think he'd want to move on.

Quoting lele0730: Hi everyone:) my name is Sam and I'm new here :). I have been separated since I was pregnant with my 3 year old daughter, he doesn't want a divorce but I do, we are both good people but just not good together. Sometimes I feel so empty I don't know why, guys are pretty much interested, I just don't know why I choose not to date them. Girls Is there something wrong with me


smb72310
by New Member on Mar. 17, 2014 at 7:01 PM

My ex and I broke up about 3 years ago now. He left me and my daugher in August and was married with a baby on the way by that Dec. He and his wife have now taught my daughter that she is her mom and encourage her to call her mom. They also cut her hair all the time and flat out tell me I am not a good mom, never will be and dont care what i think about anything. I just dont know what to do anymore because I fear they are now telling her how she can pick and choose where she lives. I am concerned because this is not good for her to be treated like a prize. He refuses to talk to me at all.

Cafe AmyS
by Head Admin on Mar. 17, 2014 at 8:09 PM

It sounds like it's time to get an attorney involved.

Quoting smb72310:

My ex and I broke up about 3 years ago now. He left me and my daugher in August and was married with a baby on the way by that Dec. He and his wife have now taught my daughter that she is her mom and encourage her to call her mom. They also cut her hair all the time and flat out tell me I am not a good mom, never will be and dont care what i think about anything. I just dont know what to do anymore because I fear they are now telling her how she can pick and choose where she lives. I am concerned because this is not good for her to be treated like a prize. He refuses to talk to me at all.


Sunflwrg1rl
by New Member on Mar. 30, 2014 at 7:18 PM
Sorry to hear that...he needs to give u child support!!!!Look into financial aid...some schools offer day care as u attend school... So u can attend nursing school...

Quoting Chrissybug:

I am lost...my husband just told me he doesn't love me anymore and wants a divorce :( I am a stay-at-home mom (I do work 2 days a week) but now I have to figure out how to pay for everything! I want to stay in my home since it is all my 3 yr old daughter knows and I don't really have anywhere else to go. I want this to be as amicable as possible but I don't want to get screwed either. I feel so hurt and saw a comment he made to a girl that we went to high school with that he wished he hadn't wasted 7 yrs of his life (except for his daughter). Its getting so hard to be nice!! I was just about to start nursing school and now I can't and have to wait at least 2 yrs for my daughter to go to school...

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