Separation & Divorce 101

[Cafe AmyS]

This post is a place for us to share advice, questions and personal stories about separation and divorce.  

 

Here are some topics that have been discussed in this group:

• Deciding to relocate after divorce
• Remaining friends after the break-up
• Meeting the ex's new partner
• Assuring the children that they are not the cause of the break-up
• Mediation

For more help:

• Check out the many posts about divorce or separation already on this group.
• Start a post to share your story and receive support!

Click here to see what Single Moms are discussing on the group today:
Let's Talk! Click here to see more posts...

Please share your best advice for those going through a divorce or separation in the replies below.

[jorinad]

 I am a mother of 2 little boys ages 3 and 8. I have been with my husband for 10 years married for 5. We have been through so much together. He is a recovering drug addict. On our 10 year anniversary I left our home due to he was using again. Since then he has been clean and had declared his love for me and our family. Well that was until I refused to let him come back home until I was certain he was clean. He decided to have an affair with one of our son's preschool teachers and now he has had an awakening and doesnt know if he wants to be with me. He says he loves me but not in love with me and we need space and time and maybe he will want to be with me again. Mind you we used to live in hawaii where our entire family is but because of his addiction and overdosing we decised to relocate to Nevada where his sister lives to try and save his life. I left my entire family and all my friends for him. Well he did good for a while but fell off the wagon a few times, ended up in rehab, came out and fell off again. All the while I taking care of everything. Kids, home, finances, and him. And now he doesnt know if he wants to be with me. He has moved in and out 3 times in the last month. Its not fair to me or the kids but he doesn't care. I don't know what to do. I am so depressed all the time. From when my eyes open til they close I just wish I could lay in my bed. But I don't I get up get the kids together and go to work. He confuses me cause he says he loves me but then says he doesn't want to give me false hope. I have no one here and is so lonely all the time. I wish I could wake up and be like "I don't love him anymore". How can I try and get over this. I dont eat or sleep. I am down to 95 pounds. I want to be better for my boys but this takes all my energy right out of my body. I have been going to counseling for the past 2 weeks but its $95 each time I go and I can't afford it. I am just looking for a friend to help me get through this.....

Quoting Cafe AmyS:

This post is a place for us to share advice, questions and personal stories about separation and divorce.  

 

Here are some topics that have been discussed in this group:

• Deciding to relocate after divorce
• Remaining friends after the break-up
• Meeting the ex's new partner
• Assuring the children that they are not the cause of the break-up
• Mediation

For more help:

• Check out the many posts about divorce or separation already on this group.
• Start a post to share your story and receive support!

Click here to see what Single Moms are discussing on the group today:
Let's Talk! Click here to see more posts...

Please share your best advice for those going through a divorce or separation in the replies below.

 

[Cafe AmyS]

Welcome to the group!

I'm sorry you're going through all of that and glad you've been geting some counseling to help you work through things.  I know it must be so hard not knowing if he's coming or going and consequently what you're going to do.

My personal thought would be to tell him to not come back until he's made some serious changes and is ready to commit himself to being clean and to working on your family.  He needs to prioritize what is truly important to him.

(((hug)))

Quoting jorinad:

 I am a mother of 2 little boys ages 3 and 8. I have been with my husband for 10 years married for 5. We have been through so much together. He is a recovering drug addict. On our 10 year anniversary I left our home due to he was using again. Since then he has been clean and had declared his love for me and our family. Well that was until I refused to let him come back home until I was certain he was clean. He decided to have an affair with one of our son's preschool teachers and now he has had an awakening and doesnt know if he wants to be with me. He says he loves me but not in love with me and we need space and time and maybe he will want to be with me again. Mind you we used to live in hawaii where our entire family is but because of his addiction and overdosing we decised to relocate to Nevada where his sister lives to try and save his life. I left my entire family and all my friends for him. Well he did good for a while but fell off the wagon a few times, ended up in rehab, came out and fell off again. All the while I taking care of everything. Kids, home, finances, and him. And now he doesnt know if he wants to be with me. He has moved in and out 3 times in the last month. Its not fair to me or the kids but he doesn't care. I don't know what to do. I am so depressed all the time. From when my eyes open til they close I just wish I could lay in my bed. But I don't I get up get the kids together and go to work. He confuses me cause he says he loves me but then says he doesn't want to give me false hope. I have no one here and is so lonely all the time. I wish I could wake up and be like "I don't love him anymore". How can I try and get over this. I dont eat or sleep. I am down to 95 pounds. I want to be better for my boys but this takes all my energy right out of my body. I have been going to counseling for the past 2 weeks but its $95 each time I go and I can't afford it. I am just looking for a friend to help me get through this.....

Quoting Cafe AmyS:

This post is a place for us to share advice, questions and personal stories about separation and divorce.  

Here are some topics that have been discussed in this group:

• Deciding to relocate after divorce
• Remaining friends after the break-up
• Meeting the ex's new partner
• Assuring the children that they are not the cause of the break-up
• Mediation

For more help:

• Check out the many posts about divorce or separation already on this group.
• Start a post to share your story and receive support!

Click here to see what Single Moms are discussing on the group today:
Let's Talk! Click here to see more posts...

Please share your best advice for those going through a divorce or separation in the replies below.

[jorinad]

 I know what the right decision to make is and that is to tell him not to let the door hit him on the way out. But my heart is so broken and I just want this to work so bad that I tend to do pretty crazy things. I try not to text him but I do all day. I try not to cry but I do all the time. I try not to let what he does affect me but it does. I just wish I could wake up from this bad dream and havemy life back. I have been reading alot of the other post and know I am not the only one going through this but it sure does feel like it when you have no one...

 

[Cafe AmyS]

Believe me, I understand.  When my ex and I split up, none of my friends had been through what I was dealing with and that made it hard.  But, I learned that I'm definitely NOT the only one.  

It's so easy to be on the side of telling you what is right to do, etc, but I definitely understand that it's easier to say/know what should be done than to do it.  

Quoting jorinad:

 I know what the right decision to make is and that is to tell him not to let the door hit him on the way out. But my heart is so broken and I just want this to work so bad that I tend to do pretty crazy things. I try not to text him but I do all day. I try not to cry but I do all the time. I try not to let what he does affect me but it does. I just wish I could wake up from this bad dream and havemy life back. I have been reading alot of the other post and know I am not the only one going through this but it sure does feel like it when you have no one...

[jen7289]

Thanks for the reply - sorry it took me so long to get on.... can't get CM as often as I'd like lol