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Single & Pregnant 101

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This post is a place for us to share advice, questions and personal stories about being a pregnant single mom.  

 

Here are some pregnancy related topics discussed in this group:

  • Dealing with a break-up while pregnant
  • Pregnancy & dating
  • Single and chosing to become a partnerless parent
  • Thoughts on abortion
  • Telling the father

pregnant belly

 

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Please share your best advice for single and pregnant moms in the replies below!

 

by on Dec. 22, 2011 at 3:01 PM
Replies (291-300):
321.BAA
by on Mar. 27, 2013 at 9:46 PM

I had a lot of depression and anxiety and even manic episodes! You are notttt alone. I'm about ready to pop and you do not have far to go. Screw men seriously, they are cowards. My baby's father lied about everything including, but not limited to his marital status and two year old daughter. I was blind when he was begging me for a baby....but listen I believe everything happens for a reason...I'm still in pain but all you and I have to do is love our babies. Good luck girl xoxo


321.BAA
by on Mar. 27, 2013 at 9:50 PM


My previous response was for you to! Also, I asked my doctor about the baby feeling the depression and knowing when we are upset and are crying and he said.... Not necessarily ;) he said as long as your heart rate and the baby's are under control (still likely even if your stressing) then all is well. The only thing is the baby can hear you so I try to read allowed sometimes. And keep your chin up and I will try my best east to do the same!

Quoting AlyLee90:

Im in love with my baby's father he has a baby girls and tryin to workr things out with his bby's mama..... im very sad bout this and now im 7 mont pregnant Dont want my bby to feel my depression...... what can I do????



wildhorses420
by on Mar. 27, 2013 at 10:01 PM
1 mom liked this

It's all good. Went through being pregnant and alone twice. Made it through just fine and my kids...although they have excellent relationships with their fathers...are very well rounded. They also know who raised them and who was there for them 24/7 without fail. I'm so fortunate that their fathers are good people. They had their moments but they sure turned out to be great fathers. The absolute KEY to this is to not get in the way of the child/father relationship. Unless there is serious abuse/neglect, allow the relationship to happen. DO NOT talk down about the father. DO NOT get in the way of visitation. I had court ordered visitation but never stuck by it. Instead, I viewed it as any time the fathers wanted to spend time with the kids, they had it. Unless there was something pressing or if I had specific plans, they could see their kids anytime they wanted. The only thing I really stuck to was school nights. School nights they stayed with me and were home at a reasonable hour. If it was "my" weekend and the dad called and said "Hey can I have this weekend or this Saturday/Sunday"...as long as I had no plans and the kids were fine with it..okay. As for holidays, I was more accommodating than most but it works well FOR THE KIDS. Xmas morning they are with me, period. They can be picked up anytime after noon. Thanksgiving is with the dads family. Easter is with the dads family. But that works for us. I don't have much family and I get to see my kids every day. I do feel their absence on those days. I do hate that I don't get to be with them. But it is what THEY want. They love me and they respect what I have done for them. They do worry about me on those holidays. But since it's in their best interest, I let them know that I am just fine. I tell them, go right ahead, spend time with your other family. If you can put yourself aside and do what is best for the kid, then everything will be fine. It will be hard. The dads absolutely get off so much easier than we do. Hands down. There will be times when the dad just....sucks. But like I said, unless there is abuse or neglect, try to put it aside. I know it's hard because I've lived it. But since I've lived it, I can tell you 100%...encourage that relationship as much as you can. Your child WILL see what you do and will love you so much for it. He/she will love you even more for looking past the downfalls of their dads. Kids do see so much more than we think they do.

Cafe AmyS
by Head Admin on Mar. 30, 2013 at 6:32 PM

(((Hug)))  Talk to your doctor about the depression you're feeling.

Quoting AlyLee90:

Im in love with my baby's father he has a baby girls and tryin to workr things out with his bby's mama..... im very sad bout this and now im 7 mont pregnant Dont want my bby to feel my depression...... what can I do????


Cafe AmyS
by Head Admin on Mar. 30, 2013 at 6:32 PM
1 mom liked this

Congrats.  You'll both do just fine.

Quoting 321.BAA:

I never thought I would be pregnant and alone, but it is better this way, as sad as that sounds. So many women have done it and we all have our reasons. I'm sad and angry and stuff, but my heart will heal and once I see my baby boy I hope that I feel as I do now... That all I need is him and all he needs is me :) <33


flgirl12
by on Mar. 30, 2013 at 8:49 PM
1 mom liked this


Thank you for sharing this. I am due in May, and the baby's father (though not right for me) wants to be very involved in his child's life. I mentally struggle with trying to block him out due to the hurt he's caused me personally and all of the horror stories I hear from other single moms, but I know he will be a great father. It helps to hear people like you, who've been through this already, reinforce the fact that blocking the father out of our lives is not always the best option. So thank you :)

Quoting wildhorses420:

It's all good. Went through being pregnant and alone twice. Made it through just fine and my kids...although they have excellent relationships with their fathers...are very well rounded. They also know who raised them and who was there for them 24/7 without fail. I'm so fortunate that their fathers are good people. They had their moments but they sure turned out to be great fathers. The absolute KEY to this is to not get in the way of the child/father relationship. Unless there is serious abuse/neglect, allow the relationship to happen. DO NOT talk down about the father. DO NOT get in the way of visitation. I had court ordered visitation but never stuck by it. Instead, I viewed it as any time the fathers wanted to spend time with the kids, they had it. Unless there was something pressing or if I had specific plans, they could see their kids anytime they wanted. The only thing I really stuck to was school nights. School nights they stayed with me and were home at a reasonable hour. If it was "my" weekend and the dad called and said "Hey can I have this weekend or this Saturday/Sunday"...as long as I had no plans and the kids were fine with it..okay. As for holidays, I was more accommodating than most but it works well FOR THE KIDS. Xmas morning they are with me, period. They can be picked up anytime after noon. Thanksgiving is with the dads family. Easter is with the dads family. But that works for us. I don't have much family and I get to see my kids every day. I do feel their absence on those days. I do hate that I don't get to be with them. But it is what THEY want. They love me and they respect what I have done for them. They do worry about me on those holidays. But since it's in their best interest, I let them know that I am just fine. I tell them, go right ahead, spend time with your other family. If you can put yourself aside and do what is best for the kid, then everything will be fine. It will be hard. The dads absolutely get off so much easier than we do. Hands down. There will be times when the dad just....sucks. But like I said, unless there is abuse or neglect, try to put it aside. I know it's hard because I've lived it. But since I've lived it, I can tell you 100%...encourage that relationship as much as you can. Your child WILL see what you do and will love you so much for it. He/she will love you even more for looking past the downfalls of their dads. Kids do see so much more than we think they do.



luvmygirls1109
by on Apr. 15, 2013 at 5:11 AM

This is just what i was looking for, me and my boyfriend just got seperated last weekend. After 4 1/2 years of being together, iv been cheated on, beaten and stuck by his side and forgave him and helped him when he was locked up. I am 5 months pregnant now by him which wasn't a bright idea, but it happened. It's been hard to let him go, i still want to forgive him. I recentyl found out he has been staying with the girl he cheated on me with last and will deny it to the fullest. He has a huge controling factor on women that we do as he ask, so she lies also about everything. I'v come to reaize it's not about us anymore, i have to think about this baby. he knew what was coming in life for us,and he decided the out side world and other women where priorties will he got it. I will be raising 2 girls by my ex husband and 5 months pregnant with baby. Luckly i just started working and have a mom that is able to move in and help me. but im still needing some one to talk to be able to get through this.

Cafe AmyS
by Head Admin on Apr. 15, 2013 at 12:42 PM

hugsI know it's hard, but good for you for realizing that your girls & unborn child are your priorities.  Congrats on your job, too!

Quoting luvmygirls1109:

This is just what i was looking for, me and my boyfriend just got seperated last weekend. After 4 1/2 years of being together, iv been cheated on, beaten and stuck by his side and forgave him and helped him when he was locked up. I am 5 months pregnant now by him which wasn't a bright idea, but it happened. It's been hard to let him go, i still want to forgive him. I recentyl found out he has been staying with the girl he cheated on me with last and will deny it to the fullest. He has a huge controling factor on women that we do as he ask, so she lies also about everything. I'v come to reaize it's not about us anymore, i have to think about this baby. he knew what was coming in life for us,and he decided the out side world and other women where priorties will he got it. I will be raising 2 girls by my ex husband and 5 months pregnant with baby. Luckly i just started working and have a mom that is able to move in and help me. but im still needing some one to talk to be able to get through this.


luvmygirls1109
by on Apr. 17, 2013 at 12:46 AM
1 mom liked this
Thank you
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danny_007
by on Apr. 19, 2013 at 10:57 PM

so... i am a new single mom into all of this and have my moments were i get really depressed and i start to cry and i just break down. I know my hormoan levels are all over but i still have a hard time coping with being a single parent and often try to dyne that i am pregnant. My ex and i were all fine tell i moved out to help my family. We still talked and did what couples did. His grandfathers health started to slip away at this time and he started to really push me away. When i went to the hospital for back pains they instead told me i was pregnant. I sent him a text because he was with his friend before he deployed and i was in the hospital room. I told him that he was going to be a dad and that my gut feeling was right. He seemed to get mad at me for telling that i am having his baby which we tried for are whole relationship. He stopped talking to me that whole night. About a week later i woke up saying that is grandfather had passed away. Thats when my life went down hill with us. He had then stopped talking to me all together tellin me that it wasnt his kid he didnt care if it lived to full term or i miscarried. It became this whole big pool of hurt pain an confussion. My family was very mad at me first and now that i found out what i am having and my sons due date is getting closer they seem to be okay with me being a single teen mom. I am now starting to talk to some of my exs family again and we have made up and we talk and the ones i talk to want to be there and be in my sons life. But my ex still hasn't come around at all and i don't know if he ever will. I still love him so much and just don;'t know what to do. I guess i just need some help in a way and people to talk to... anything from anyone would help me out a lot.

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