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Has your role within your family changed due to your divorce?

Posted by on Nov. 21, 2007 at 5:33 PM
  • 4 Replies
Thanksgiving is tomorrow and I am already dreading it. I am the only one in my family who is divorced, and I have noticed that now that I am single, my parents suddenly treat me like a teenager again. I am 44. My brothers are younger than me, but now, instead of me and my husband being the oldest and leading in making plans, my little brothers and there wives step over me as if I am just another child. I am not asked what I want to eat, where I want to go, and am not even allowed to help. I am treated as if I am fragile, and as if, without a husband, somehow my status in the family has changed. I was used to being the oldest and "in charge" in some ways, and now I'm a third wheel and the married siblings are running the show. It is bad enough to lose a marriage, but now I seem to have lost the role I had in my family all these years. It feels really sexist to me. Is anyone else dealing with this? I did not see it coming!

by on Nov. 21, 2007 at 5:33 PM
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by on Nov. 21, 2007 at 5:34 PM
yep, i'm mom dad Grandma and Grandpa. All rolled into one.
by on Nov. 21, 2007 at 6:32 PM
My husband and I separated about a month ago. I haven't broached the subject with the members of my family yet but I'm so scared because I'm going to be the only divorced one. I feel like they're all going to look at me differently. What can you do though? Stand up for yourself, I guess. I think that's what's I'll do but who knows you know? I'm sorry your going through this. :(

SIngle moms rule! :)
by on Nov. 21, 2007 at 6:37 PM
Hi there,

I am new to the board but I totallly agree with you.  My first year of being divorced was very much like what you were saying.  I didn't bring anything to my sister's house, no one asked me to help, etc.  That was fine for that year, but after that I just started telling everyone what I was bringing.  Now, everyone just expects me to pitch in.  It is awkward at times because everyone else is married, but I am still part of the family and I am going to contribute.  I know that first year my sister was trying to be nice and not make me do anything, but once I jumped back in there has been no question about my being involved in decisions -- husband or not. 

I guess I would just speak up and tell your mom or maybe one of the wives that you trust/like and see what happens.  Good luck
by on Nov. 21, 2007 at 7:04 PM
I have been divorced for 3 years now. At first I was treated the same way. But once I told them that I was in charge of my life and my kids, they looked at me differently. They know that I didn’t change, my marriage did. But I’m still the same person, I still run things my way, work, play, cook, raising my boys, everything. The only person missing from all that is my ex! Make suggestion on what you would like to eat or go, jump right on in and pitch in. They need to know that you are still strong and not fragile, you won’t break.  Give it some time and let everyone know how you feel. Good luck and Happy Thanksgiving
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