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This is soooo hard....

Posted by on Nov. 22, 2007 at 9:58 AM
  • 10 Replies
My husband left me in August..I have three oldest is five and my youngest is 7 months...He has a girlfriend now..I am in soo much pain..I don't know how to move on..I have the kids every day while he is out with his girlfriend and moving to another state..We were together for seven years..This is the first real holiday without him..I am so depressed..I was blindsided when he left..I just had my son in March after spending 2 months in the hospital..Yesterday, I found a picture online of him and his girlriend holding my son acting like a "happy family" ripped my heart out..This is the hardest thing to do..some days I just want to lay down and others I am so angry that I want to rip his heart out..He doesn't deserve one..I don't know how you girls do this...I just wanted to be married to the man I loved and raise our kids together..every time I hear his voice, it starts all over again..the tears, the anger, the hurt..will it ever go away?
by on Nov. 22, 2007 at 9:58 AM
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by on Nov. 22, 2007 at 10:06 AM
you yourself must put on that happy face!!  dont ever let him see you alll upset that makes him look like hes winning..  i know the holidays are hard that why we have cafe mom here to help us!!  but you must always look happy, it will be hard but it only makes you look better...  dont let him talk down to you, dont let him make you cry, be strong!!!  and stay firm.....  gob bless and try to have a wonderfull thanksgiving, forget about him just for this day...  have fun  we have all been there before or most of us have.  mine was 5 years ago and i see him everyweek and he still know that i still love him.  just have fun god bless...
by on Nov. 22, 2007 at 10:08 AM
I no how you feel. Even though i wasnt married to the love of my life, it still hurts. And the thought of having to be in their lives for the rest of yours is hard as well. I havent got over my ex. and sometimes i feel like curling up in a corner and never coming out but then i think, everything happens for a reason and was ment to be will be so if you guys are ment to be together eventually you will. If you need someone to talk to my message box is always open. Have a great holiday. Try at least for your little ones!!


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by on Nov. 22, 2007 at 10:08 AM
I am a single mom to 3 children also.  My kids are 11, 8, and almost 3.  My divorce was finalized in April.  My ex moved on very quickly too...before the divorce was finalized.  I was not blindsided by the divorce so I feel for you.  You have lots to be thankful for in your position of him moving on so quickly.  When you get into a healthier mind will see it.  I have faith that you will get there because you are such a devoted mom.  Please be patient with yourself....look at things hour by hour or even minute by minute if you have to.  Stay strong!
by on Nov. 22, 2007 at 10:18 AM
Ive never been married but I know what it is o hurt when the father of your child is not around. My daughters father and I were together for 2 years we found out we were pregnant and he left me, he then hurried and got a new girlfriend and then moved to New Mexico (were in ohio) he has never seen her and that saddens me. This is our first real holiday without having him around and it sucks. Even though i dont wish to be with him it hurts to know he is with his girlfriend having the whole family thing and here we are just us. just be strong you can do it

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by on Nov. 22, 2007 at 10:26 AM
I also have three children. My ex left me in February, but the truth is he left way before that. He had met and dated someone else and was making plans to move on long before he told me. It hurt, I felt devastated, betrayed and heartbroken. When everyone told me I would be able to move on and things would get better I thought they were full of it. I'm sure that this is where your at now. All I can tell you is to hang in there. I never once thought it would get easier or even accept it. But it has and I am now much happier than I have been in a long time. I never thought it would be possible but it is. And I'm sure that you're gonna have that same feeling one day. Hang in there and if you ever need to talk or vent feel free to send me a PM...I'm here for ya!
by on Nov. 22, 2007 at 11:14 AM
It's really the hardest thing you will ever do.  My husband left a month ago and already has a girlfriend. You ask how WE do it. What I want to know is how to THEY do it? How do they just up and leave? Unfortunately, it's a question that we'll never know the answer to but it does get easier. The pain does recede. It's only been a month for me but I have forced myself to accept this. I've accepted it for my daughter. She deserves better as do your children. It still hurts, I still have alot of anger but I don't let it consume me. And when I'm down I come here or try to spend as much time as I can with my family and friends. You deserve more than what he can give you. Keep your head up and take back your emotions and life. What is really happening is that you are grieving. You have to let yourself get through each stage of grief. One thing I read when this first happened to me was to send the kids to their grandparents or a friends house so you have alone time. Get out all of your pictures, memoribilia, whatever of your marriage and as you look at each picture experience what you felt the day it was taken then allow yourself to cry, scream, get angry, etc. Get it all out. Get hysterical! I never did it but I can see how it'd work. For me, I had one entire day where I cried. I could not help myself. I seriously cried all day long. I would smile when my daughter would look at me because I didn't want her to know I was upset. She gets upset when i'm upset but I have to admit... after that day I felt so much better. I truly felt like I let this go. Of course, I still have my days and I will for a while but overall I let it go. You'll get there.
by on Nov. 22, 2007 at 11:34 AM
This is my life's motto:  Fake it til you make it.  and Happiness is a CHOICE.  It's an easier choice some days than other days.

I won't go into all the reasons I am right here, right now...but there was much heartache and pain and anger and fear and all the other run of emotions.  Just know that you have friends here who you may have never met but we will be here to support you.

And you WILL get through this.  One day, you won't have to "fake it til you make it"  You will have MADE IT and you will know that YOU did it.  On your own.  Not with a false sense of security in having a fake relationship.  You will be stronger and better for it.  And I know, because I've been there.

Stay strong, girl.  :)

Owner - North Houston Mom's group - The friendliest group in CafeMom - but don't take MY word for it.  Go see for yourself !

by on Nov. 22, 2007 at 11:49 AM
I was never married to my son's father, but trust me, I felt your pain. It does get easier, I promise. My son's father and I officially ended things in January when I was 5 months pregnant even though it was over before that. He went right back to his ex (his first son's mother) after them being broken up for over 6 years. They are now together and he's raising her two other kids as his own as well, and now they are expecting a baby around our son's birthday. It sucks and hurts, but does gets easier to deal with eventually. Whenever he would call or I'd see him, the pain would start all over again for months. Now, I would just prefer to have no contact with him whatsoever but I know that's not going to happen because of our son. It's not even a big deal to me calls or even when he don't call. I hope things start coming together for you soon!


by on Nov. 22, 2007 at 12:09 PM
I can relate my bf of 10 1/2 yrs left us in July and I feel like he took a piece of me with him.  He is now so angry and I don't even know why he tells me the reasons why he left, but they don't make any sense and they certainly don't warrant the anger he has for me.  You will eventually be fine but you have to function the only way YOU can.  I can't even tell you how many times I just didn't get out of bed ALL day.  I was laid off from my job in Sept.  I'm still not fine and I don't think I ever will.  I put an ad on a few online dating sites and every time I talk to a guy and he talks about meeting I freeze, I feel guilty.  Well I'm here if you want to compare notes so to speak. 
by on Nov. 22, 2007 at 12:19 PM
I think most of us have felt as you do when our marriages first ended.  Bottom line is, most people do';t get married expecting to get divorced.  And it is more diffucult for moms because we have so much more responsiblilty.  That being said lol, I can promise you the rewards you reap as your kids get older will far outweigh what you feel now.  When my ex and I first separated he moved on very quickly and the resentment I felt that I had the daily duties of parenthood ate me up! That being said my son is 13 now and I was reading something he posted on my space and one of the questions was what are you parents middle names....He knew mine but put he didn't know for his dads.....that right there was worth anything I have been through becuase I am the real winner here...Keep the faith and I assure you you will be too in the long run. 
(((HUGS))) and Hapy Thanksgiving
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