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Scuzzball? Or give him a chance?

Posted by on Jan. 15, 2012 at 9:15 PM
  • 4 Replies
I'll give u the facts: I've been married 9 1/2 years, separated 9 months. This entire time, he says he wants to get back with me, unless he's ignoring me and our two sons for days or weeks on end. He is not court-ordered to pay us child support, as we've not went thru the court systems for anything. But he does pay a more-than-fair amount. I've considered filing for divorce but can't be divorced till our baby is born (that's right, 37 weeks pregnant, complicates things, especially emotions!) He can say all the right things, and is actually capable of doing all the right things, just doesn't usually come through. He can be our sons' hero, or a "piece of junk" to quote one of my boys. He just goes both ways so much... I never know what to believe. If he says he's coming to get them, I don't even tell them. Because he may or may not and I hate to see them disappointed. Then just when I think he's the lowest piece of scum, he comes up with $2,000 to keep me out of legal troubles. He is my one and only marriage, only man I've ever made children with, and I'm just at my wits end...? I don't know if I'm justified in telling him to back off, stop talking about us reconciling, or if I should hear him out. ? In all honesty, though, if I tell him I have no interest, I have the feeling he will pull a disappearing act on the boys. :-( they don't deserve that. But I dont want to play along, talking relationship with him, if I don't really mean it. As far as the baby goes, my first daughter :-), he says he will be there when she's born. I have no idea if he really will, it's a toss-up. So I've asked my mom to be in the OR with me (cesarean) and if he shows up, I will allow him instead. He's the dad, it's his right, I feel. But I don't really want to be all emotional and on-edge about whether he's going to show up! Idk, I know that was a LOT to digest in one post. I've wanted to post this stuff for a looooooong time, just hadn't worked up the nerve. But anyway, help me think straight about him, it's hard with so many things going thru my head and heart.
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by on Jan. 15, 2012 at 9:15 PM
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Replies (1-4):
faerie75
by Ruby Member on Jan. 15, 2012 at 9:19 PM
If es untrustworthy and flaky, tell him to pound pavement. He let's your kids and you down. And chances are, when he realizes you're done, the money will stop. So file for divorce and have cutody and support handled legally.
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tyfry7496
by on Jan. 15, 2012 at 9:58 PM

This is what I am leaning towards also. Unless he is willing to go to counseling and prove he is changed, I would go with the divorce. My friend stayed with her husband for 11.5 years becauase he kept promising to change. He never did, she is signing the final divorce papers and the end of the month. He is now doing what he should have during their marriage. He thinks he can get her back. But, she's not having it. 

Quoting faerie75:

If es untrustworthy and flaky, tell him to pound pavement. He let's your kids and you down. And chances are, when he realizes you're done, the money will stop. So file for divorce and have cutody and support handled legally.



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Mommyto2LilMen
by on Jan. 15, 2012 at 10:09 PM

I agree with these ladies hun!  Empty promises get you noghting.  You need to do all you can to be sure you and your children aer happy!

Quoting tyfry7496:

This is what I am leaning towards also. Unless he is willing to go to counseling and prove he is changed, I would go with the divorce. My friend stayed with her husband for 11.5 years becauase he kept promising to change. He never did, she is signing the final divorce papers and the end of the month. He is now doing what he should have during their marriage. He thinks he can get her back. But, she's not having it. 

Quoting faerie75:

If es untrustworthy and flaky, tell him to pound pavement. He let's your kids and you down. And chances are, when he realizes you're done, the money will stop. So file for divorce and have cutody and support handled legally.



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Tina-Mom, daughter, sister, granddaughter, girlfriend, niece, cousin, Aunt, godmother, nurse, nurturer, but above all, MOM!!




LeeLee375
by on Jan. 16, 2012 at 11:47 AM
1 mom liked this
Y'all are right. I just need to hear it sometimes. I am a STRONG woman in every other aspect of my life, but I'm weak when it comes to this relationship. But if he did everything right, like he says he will, we wouldn't be separated for the last 9 months, ya know? I really hope after the baby is born (c-section next week!) that once some time passes, I'll get back to being the boss of my emotions instead of vice versa. But I'm making plans for the future. I have a 4-yr degree that doesn't get me a good paying job, so I plan on leaving my job in August and starting back to school for a 2-yr program to be an RN. Then I won't have to rely on him or anyone else for money, and I can be comfortable providing for ky kids alone. Right now we've had to move back in with my parents, and they don't mind to continue helping us till I'm thru school. Thank God for them!
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