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question prompted from another post

Posted by on Jan. 15, 2012 at 9:25 PM
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So the comments on gabrielat's post about bullying got me thinking about the proper way to teach your kids to defend themselves. I was always taught: If someone hits you, you hit them back. I have never had to worry about this except with my sisters and we alway got into big trouble when we would tell my dad what he taught us.

DS is 4 and he is very sweet and kind and shy and he tells me everything! Like, if my mom trys to sneak him a cookie or a piece of candy, he always asks me if I am home or he tells me. Well I don't want him to get picked on for being this way and I have no idea how to teach him to defend himself the right way... is there a right way? I have no idea what the helk to even teach him on this. I was bullied a lot in middle and high school. I hated school! I never knew what to do about it and never told anyone. I acctually started cutting myself. I don't want either of my kids to end up like me.

 With the way DD is now at the age of 1, I think she might end up being the bully and I have done a pretty good job at teaching DS not to pick on other kids. I always make him think about how he would feel if someone did that to him. I guess with DD only time will tell. 

by on Jan. 15, 2012 at 9:25 PM
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tyfry7496
by on Jan. 15, 2012 at 9:52 PM

I think our children being able to defend themselves is a good thing, but a lot of bullying is emotional or verbal. We need to teach our children to not tolerate the behavior towards them or their friends. We need teachers and other adults to understand that bullying is a series issue and isn't going to stop until parents teach their children it is unacceptable. The kids that bully learn it from someone or somewhere. Also, adults that LISTEN to children and do something is a great help. My son was bulllied and when he told a teacher, she actually told him that she REFUSES to do anything unless she saw the bullying. To her if she didn't see it then it wasn't  happening. I flipped out and reported her to the principal. It took 2 years and an amazing teacher to stop the bullying my son was going through. The teacher that refused to help, had to go through bully awareness training. 

I have always told my son that he can fight, to defend himself. His principal, teachers and counselors told his school that if they are in a situation and backed up against a wall, they were allowed to defend themselves and they would NOT be in trouble. Normally, if they are caught figthing for any reason, they will be suspended. 

CampClan
by Bronze Member on Jan. 15, 2012 at 10:07 PM

My DDs are in middle school & the older one has recently had a "round" with a bully. Not sure of what started the whole thing but it ended up with the other girl calling my daughter a white trash bitch. First off, my girls were brand new to the school. We had been in the school system forever, but had to move to a different part of town which meant the girls knew no one in the new middle school. She ended up going to the principal's office & telling the principal (because the school has a no bullying policy) & the principal talked to the other girl & found out that she had no reason for calling my daughter that & she was told to write an apology to my daughter. Funny thing- now my daughter is really good friends with this other girl!

I think if we teach our kids to treat others as we would want to be treated & not to necessarily turn the other cheek but to use words to express how they feel (verses fists) then maybe there would be less bullying?

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