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Why can men walk away from their responsibility?

Posted by on Nov. 23, 2007 at 9:11 PM
  • 52 Replies
I feel like a little kid saying this, but it is not fair. Here I am 33 y/o, a single parent of two and currently pregnant. My children are 13 and 9, and quite honestly this current pregnancy came as a surprise-- as I can admit that it has been a really long time since I have trusted a man. I have been in some horrible and abusive relationships, therefore I never wanted another child without being married. I have struggled to put myself through school, and I had finally accomplished the good job, the dream house, and the dog! Well, I fell in love with this man about 2 years ago, and at first everything was great; but when I became pregnant my life has turned completely upside down. I feel as if we both hold some accountability in regard to the finances (medical bills and purchasing items for the baby); but he has simply walked away. I am so hurt, frustrated, and devestated, as I don't qualify for any type of assistance and I don't want to sacrafice the quality of life that my children are accustomed to living-- I am either going to have to sell my dream house, drop out of my master's program, or pick up a third job while I am 20 weeks pregnant in order to maintain. Just venting, thanks for listening.
by on Nov. 23, 2007 at 9:11 PM
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Replies (1-10):
elvir2babes
by on Nov. 23, 2007 at 9:13 PM
what an asshole, he helped make the baby
miinma77
by on Nov. 23, 2007 at 9:19 PM
I ask myself that question all the time.  The difference is my now X is not their father, although he was in their lives as a father for 10 1/2 yrs and he just walked out on us 4 months ago and doesn't even call the kids, nor does he care.  So I don't get why men do what they do. 
JessiJ
by on Nov. 23, 2007 at 9:22 PM
1 mom liked this
I'm sorry that you are having to go through this.  Something about men....they aren't naturally nurturing and emotionally connected.  But, YOU are an amazing mother and you get to parent another child that will grow up in a happy, loving home!  I applaud you for making the decision to keep the baby and being willing to do what it takes to give this baby the best!  I'm a firm believer that everything happens for a reason.  Do we always know and understand the reason? no!  But, this baby is mean't for you and you and your two children will make a wonderful home for he/she.  I don't understand why some men don't take up their part and become responsible for their actions, but some just don't!  Many many children grow up without any loving parent, but this child will not!  He/she will not want....they will have whatever they need.  As far as having to give up things you've worked so hard for....don't take this the wrong way, but I have to be honest.....This was a choice you made.  I'm 23, single and basically was just hooking up with an ex and I got pregnant....make a long story short, I knew the possible consequences of having sex and I didn't stop.  I'm not trying to sound like your mom, but I had to come to terms with that and take full responsibility.  Then, I worked my ass off to get my life in order so I could be a great mom!  You may have to give some things up and your lifestyle may change, but seeing that baby and being able to give him/her a loving home will make every sacrafice worth it!  I hope you don't take any of that the wrong way!  I wish you nothing but the best.  :)
Jessi

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RNmom365
by on Nov. 23, 2007 at 9:24 PM

Quoting miinma77:

I ask myself that question all the time.  The difference is my now X is not their father, although he was in their lives as a father for 10 1/2 yrs and he just walked out on us 4 months ago and doesn't even call the kids, nor does he care.  So I don't get why men do what they do. 



Sorry to hear about your situation. I honestly feel sorry for the children as they are the true victims in the sitation. I know I should think about what is best for my child-- but if this man can walk away while I am pregnant do I allow him the opportunity to meet/know his child, because what if he walks out on this child?
tiffanywill
by on Nov. 23, 2007 at 9:27 PM

  I can't say I remotely understand what you're going through... But I'm here if every you need a listening ear. I too, have just enter a masters program, working and expecting my first child.. Its hard!... Be encourage!!! Easy said then done:) Please don't stress yourself out over material things or a man who isn't deserving of you anyway.
gsmamma
by on Nov. 23, 2007 at 9:31 PM
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Girl you will make it!  I am in the same situation.  My son is 6 and my daughter is 5 weeks.  Both of their fathers are not in the picture.  And both of them have 4 kids.  Men just don't know what us women have to go through.  But because we are the women and have to carry these babies for 9 months we are automatically stuck being mommy and daddy.  But you have gotten this far, getting your house and job and everything, so don't let yourself go back.  You might have to cut back on some little things, but I think you'll make it!  Just pray on it and it will all work out!


Victoria5023
by on Nov. 23, 2007 at 9:42 PM

Hello All Single Moms,
            Yes, me too, I have an 18 year old amazing daughter, and she has NEVER met her father!! However, at the time when my mother was alive, I went back to school, got a business degree, (when she was 2) and we made a good life. NEVER underestimate the POWER of love.

     Sure, it has not been easy. My health, jobs, etc. Mother passing. And lost our home of 6 years, started over 2 years ago, here in gold country. She works now 1 year. Has first BF, hes a sweety. But, things work out. There are still days she comes by, climbs in bed with me, gets a movie, hot chocolate, and we laugh about stupid stuff. So I know the tears, regrets, loneliness, anger, all of it.....but men leave because they can, they know we'll be the one left to hold down the fort. I will tell you what happened to a friend here, her husband walked out 14 years ago, just left the house never to return, she thought, then June he waltzes through the door with his key! Can you believe it??? she was shocked. Asked where have you been? he answered, "Away", just like that, she got a restraining order on him, and changed the locks, lol. What nerve he had huh?

     You are not alone. Come here to vent.
-Vikki

gsmamma
by on Nov. 23, 2007 at 9:52 PM

Quoting RNmom365:


Quoting miinma77:

I ask myself that question all the time. The difference is my now X is not their father, although he was in their lives as a father for 10 1/2 yrs and he just walked out on us 4 months ago and doesn't even call the kids, nor does he care. So I don't get why men do what they do.



Sorry to hear about your situation. I honestly feel sorry for the children as they are the true victims in the sitation. I know I should think about what is best for my child-- but if this man can walk away while I am pregnant do I allow him the opportunity to meet/know his child, because what if he walks out on this child?





Well you don't worry about that now, because you'll never know what'll happen between now and then.  It just depends on him.  Because he could call you tomorrow and come to his senses or he might not.  But if he does, you should give him the opportunity because that is his child.  But in my situation I gave my son's father the opportunity and after a couple of months he disappeared again.  But I told him at first that if he F***s it up then that'll be it.  My son can choose to see him later on in life.
momov2grls
by on Nov. 23, 2007 at 10:05 PM
im sorry u r going through this. i know the feeling. i have a 10 yr old and 9 month old. same loser dad we wernt together for 8 years and in that time i built a great life for us we had a new house built and i had a great job that i loved. then he came back and after a year i was pregnant and he flipped out. he left us and lost his job and there went the child support. i was a painter and pregnant and painting dont go together so i lost my job. then i lost my house. my daughter and i r used to having pretty much whatever we want and now we live in low income housing i make $9.00 and hour and we still dont get child support. it is so hard i feel like i let my older daughter down by having her sister and i feel guilty all the time but at the same time my baby is so perfect and i would give it all up all over again. i just try and remember it could be worse. at least we have a roof over our heads and i have a job. hopefully i can go back to painting soon and the child support will kick back in. and we will be back on our way up. i know its hard if u ever want to talk feel free to message me.
MommaDish
by on Nov. 23, 2007 at 10:39 PM
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I've talked about this before- I don't get it. My ex can just not call for months and then speak to the kids like he's this loving, caring father! They see right through it, of course. My minister says that men do not feel as deeply as women do, and therefore can disassociate easier than women can. I don't know that I agree with that, but he is a man and I am not, so I believe him.
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