Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Single Moms Single Moms

Why can men walk away from their responsibility?

Posted by   + Show Post
I feel like a little kid saying this, but it is not fair. Here I am 33 y/o, a single parent of two and currently pregnant. My children are 13 and 9, and quite honestly this current pregnancy came as a surprise-- as I can admit that it has been a really long time since I have trusted a man. I have been in some horrible and abusive relationships, therefore I never wanted another child without being married. I have struggled to put myself through school, and I had finally accomplished the good job, the dream house, and the dog! Well, I fell in love with this man about 2 years ago, and at first everything was great; but when I became pregnant my life has turned completely upside down. I feel as if we both hold some accountability in regard to the finances (medical bills and purchasing items for the baby); but he has simply walked away. I am so hurt, frustrated, and devestated, as I don't qualify for any type of assistance and I don't want to sacrafice the quality of life that my children are accustomed to living-- I am either going to have to sell my dream house, drop out of my master's program, or pick up a third job while I am 20 weeks pregnant in order to maintain. Just venting, thanks for listening.
by on Nov. 23, 2007 at 9:11 PM
Replies (11-20):
dfree1824
by on Nov. 23, 2007 at 10:54 PM
1 mom liked this

First off, I am sorry about your situation.  I know all too well about deadbeats, my son has one and my ex is one to his children, all three of them.  What I am really coming to understand is that men and women are just different.  I mean really different.  I would talk to my ex about my son's deadbeat and I would think about him and his children and he's the same way.  Yet he would sit there agreeing with me on my son's deadbeat.  Ultimately, we as women have to be in control of ourselves.  Men are not going to do it.  And I am far from a male basher, but I realize that they just are very different from us.  To this day my ex wants us to get back together and procreate.  He doesn't take care of his own now, why would I do that?  But we get caught up.  Sisters, just think before you get into a relationship of any kind with a man.  Go through all four seasons with them first, don't just look at what you like, look at what you don't, because that's what really counts.  If he doesn't take care of the ones that are already there the way YOU would want, what makes you think he'll take care of one by you any better.  Trust me, this is all from so much experience.  God Bless.  Dena

Dalovelywon1
by on Nov. 24, 2007 at 12:32 AM
I understand what you're going through. My situation is different. My childrens' dad ( I have 3 year old twins) and I were friends. We hung out and hooked up and I had twins. I loved him as a friend but not the way you should love the man you're having kids with. We're not together and he pays childsupport occassionally. He has a new girl with 4 children and he gets my kids everyother weekend. I went through school solo with brand new babies. I met someone and he has been my rock. You will be fine. Just occupy your mind with what you need to do for you and your children and what is for you will be for you.
God Bless,
Denise
tracy0052
by on Nov. 24, 2007 at 12:42 AM
Same thing happened to me. First time i trust a man after my divorce and he turns out to be the worst person i've ever met.
After my son was born i found out his father has 4 other children. 3 of them conceived while he was supposedly in love with me.
Now he's giving the state the run around about support and i'm struggling just trying to make it.
I'll raise my boys to be better men!

 

Victoria5023
by on Nov. 24, 2007 at 2:07 AM
2 moms liked this
I have to say that I do not get it, why women cry about what their man does, and when he 'comes to his senses' you take him back. Get wise.  When you have a worthless man, who mistreats you once he got you pregnant, why keep taking it?

I love what my Mom did before I was born she saw my father packing up a little suitcase, and she said Here I'll even help you pack, but don't even think about coming back, and he unpacked. And IF they leave anyway would you really want someone who didn't want to stay? Find someone who will value you and your kids. Some of us can't survive unless we're miserable.

Another thing I don't get. There's this woman here in town who moved here from back south, she has a 3 year old, they've been in a homeless shelter, her husband beat her, she moved out here, she wasn't here 3 weeks and started asking around about eligible men, shes with another loser again! Sheesh, come on women wake up! We're stronger than that.
rdeshields
by on Nov. 24, 2007 at 2:12 AM
they are a....holes. my daughter asked me on thanksgiving if she could call and wish her father a happy holiday. he answered, asked who she was and then promptly hung up on her. they are without conscious and should be strung up by their you know whats. i'm sorry i'm bitter. you just hang in there. you do not need him. you never did. it might be harder on your own but i think you'll appreciate that much more when it's all said and done.
foxy_prochoice
by on Nov. 24, 2007 at 3:59 AM
1 mom liked this
Men just want to be " part time fathers" when it fits in to there life, my sons father has not seen him in over 2 years, not only has he not seen him but he is also deaf and is Illegal from Mexico, and he just pops in and out like he is stopping for gas or something. Men just to get it, it takes more that a monthly check to be a dad. I would take him to court, keep all you receipts, medical bills etc, because is liable to pay for half of it.
pregw4
by on Nov. 24, 2007 at 7:06 PM
I have often asked myself this same question. I could never see myself walking away from any of my children yet it seems so easy for their fathers to do. I would feel so sh**** to just walk out on my kids like that but it seems to be the norm. Just put it in the Lord's hands and let him work it out for you.
greenearth12
by on Nov. 25, 2007 at 12:42 AM
What an ass.  Thats one of those situations I would pray that I dont have a gun because I would use it before even saying a word to him.
Sabati
by on Nov. 25, 2007 at 10:19 AM
Man, just another jerk.
You can always buy another house and get your standard of living back if you don't quit school.
familylove123
by on Nov. 25, 2007 at 11:59 AM
Men CAN just walk away......believe it or not there are some that won't walk

MINE just walked after almost 12yrs and I had no idea he was going too.  Neither did my boys, 15 and 12..... One is his the other is not: but his anyway. We were devastated, and things have just started to calm down, a little after 6/7 months, but Christmas is coming and will be very hard on all of us..... he left and moved her into his new home which was suppose to be our home... she disrepects me by driving by (with him) has called, left messages, emailed my sons email address and was disrespectful to me and he read this.... she does not have her children 24/7 so they have a easy time, my son doesn't like going to the new home because it is not his dads house, he says...even though it is...  We miss him very much, and yes I have told him this.. He needs to come back to his family instead of working it out with another family... she has  11 and 5 yr old....  They think it is going to be easier with someone else but things usually stay the same....  I believe family is the most important thing, everyone needs to make a effort at making it work out.... unless there is some sort of abuse involved...that doesn't change... 

I will be talking to him again, not sure if it is the right thing to do , but at least I will know that I did everything possible to show and let him know that family is the most important thing.... I then will beable to move on with out any regret....because I tried.....   

TO BE HONEST I AM TOTALLY SHOCKED WITH ALL THE HURT OUT THERE, I NEVER KNEW... IT SEEMED LIKE I WAS THE ONLY ONE GOING THRU ALL OF THIS CRAP...  I GUESS NOT 

****  HANG IN THERE, THINGS DO GET BETTER, LET YOUR ANGER, HURT ,FRUSTRATION OUT.... WRITE ANYONE OF US AND WE WILL LISTEN.. WE KNOW WHAT YOU ARE FEELING AND IF I COULD FIX IT FOR YOU I WOULD..... LOVE YOUR CHILDREN, AND FOCUS ON YOU RIGHT NOW.  CUT BACK ON THINGS, DONT QUIT SCHOOL AND KEEP GOING....

YOU CAN GET THRU THIS ,,,,, GOD BLESS..... :) 
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)