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Why can men walk away from their responsibility?

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I feel like a little kid saying this, but it is not fair. Here I am 33 y/o, a single parent of two and currently pregnant. My children are 13 and 9, and quite honestly this current pregnancy came as a surprise-- as I can admit that it has been a really long time since I have trusted a man. I have been in some horrible and abusive relationships, therefore I never wanted another child without being married. I have struggled to put myself through school, and I had finally accomplished the good job, the dream house, and the dog! Well, I fell in love with this man about 2 years ago, and at first everything was great; but when I became pregnant my life has turned completely upside down. I feel as if we both hold some accountability in regard to the finances (medical bills and purchasing items for the baby); but he has simply walked away. I am so hurt, frustrated, and devestated, as I don't qualify for any type of assistance and I don't want to sacrafice the quality of life that my children are accustomed to living-- I am either going to have to sell my dream house, drop out of my master's program, or pick up a third job while I am 20 weeks pregnant in order to maintain. Just venting, thanks for listening.
by on Nov. 23, 2007 at 9:11 PM
Replies (41-50):
by on Oct. 10, 2012 at 9:49 PM

Quoting Barblicious:


The original post of this thread was in 2007. 5 years ago.


So glad you spotted that. Why would someone dig up a thread from THAT long ago?? The OP may not even be on Cafemom anymore! hahaha. ( I was just about to reply too)

by on Oct. 10, 2012 at 9:53 PM
1 mom liked this
Have you considdered going to school part-time and cutting back on some "luxuries" (i.e. eating out, going to the salon, buying less meat, etc.?F**k that! Dont sell your house or drop out of school! And definetely dont get a third job! You can make it work because you have with three kids. You need to contact him and let him know he needs to help out now or you will see his a$$ in court.
by on Oct. 11, 2012 at 12:06 AM

I am in the same boat! I have an 11 year old, a 9 year old, and now a 4 week old. My bf left when we found out I was pregnant. He has not seen our son. I called the child support office, and they said they about 4 months behind, so don't hold your breath on getting help even after your little one is  born!

by on Oct. 11, 2012 at 12:09 AM

UGH This is SOOOOO hard not to do. Especially as a parent. You dont want to believe anyone could just walk away from their own child, I have given so many chances to my sons dad. I have officially given up. 

Quoting abbysmom01:

I personally haven't taken any losers back, but I can definitely understand why a woman would. We as humans want to believe the good in people, and if they aren't good to us once we want to believe that they can change. Some people can block the hope or thought or wish that the ones we love or even strongly like can change, but most human beings are born optimist even if we don't allow people to believe that about ourselves.

by on Oct. 11, 2012 at 4:10 AM

No matter what, I know it hurts but do not keep the child from their parent. You just have to remember that you are the one they will run to when the promises are just that words of hot air...not concrete...but do all that you can without involving your emotions in your child's life. I have 3 children. One from a previous relationship the other two from my current marriage while I am going thru a divorce. My oldest, I let her know she has two dads. One lives in another state but she prays for them both. She hasn't seen her bilogical dad since 07 and at one point I was TIRED of soothing her when it came to his empty promises so now I just let her know that just because he says he's going to do something, doesn't mean he will. My daughter is 9 now and her dad and I broke up when she was 2

by on Oct. 11, 2012 at 6:01 PM
1 mom liked this
That's like asking how a mother can walk away or how parents can abuse their children? There is no real answer.
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by Ruby Member on Oct. 11, 2012 at 6:54 PM

 holy bumpus, this post is older than jesus christ himself (ok, an exaggeration lol)

by on Oct. 11, 2012 at 11:27 PM

Quoting tyfry7496:

That's like asking how a mother can walk away or how parents can abuse their children? There is no real answer.

My thoughts exactly!!!!! Fathers are not the only ones to walk. men are not the only deadbeats. Just because a woman carries a baby means nothing for some women. They leave the kids to the man and walk.

Selfishness from anyone who does harm to another. Better hope they get grace and another chance to do better. Do right...

by on Oct. 12, 2012 at 12:05 AM

Wow totally disagree with the minister.  Insulting to the many decent men who are caring and loving fathers to say they don't feel  as much as women.  Cop out. Giving any man an excuse to leave a family is wrong. Raising children is hard and men who just up and leave are cowards.  There is no excuse for a man to walk out of his childrens lives and our society makes it easy for the man to walk away and then punishes the moms who have to do all the work. Society should shame men who walk away away from their families, impoverishing them and hurting them.  These men are cowards and should have to wear a big sign where ever they go saying that they do not support their children and are deadbeats, and cowards. But since society is run by men instead these cowards get away with it and feel no shame or responsibilty for the destruction they are doing to their children, their children's mothers and society.  A little public shaming would probably go a long way. Big signs...deadbeat dad!!!

Quoting MommaDish:

I've talked about this before- I don't get it. My ex can just not call for months and then speak to the kids like he's this loving, caring father! They see right through it, of course. My minister says that men do not feel as deeply as women do, and therefore can disassociate easier than women can. I don't know that I agree with that, but he is a man and I am not, so I believe him.

by on Oct. 12, 2012 at 1:25 PM
are you wondering God gives us strength and they say men are stronger the women's know women are stronger than men
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