Join us in Divorce & Starting Over to find support, comfort, and great advice from moms who have been in your shoes.
Don’t miss these great posts:
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- ? for those who are bidding their time in the marital home with kids until a decision is made.
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Amy
my situation is a little different. I am single but i have two really great kids. im struggling to make a clean break from my ex. he is really toxic and the stress from being around him has taken a toll on me. I can't even think about dating! Too scarey.. So I've got to say I have a lot of pieces to pick up. Trying to get back into the work force (pretty much stayed home to raise kids), rebuild my identity, rebuild relations with my family (who don't understand why I just don't want to be with the father). So my plate is full. How bout u? How are u trying to start over? I'm open to advice..
EVERYTHING you've said, just described my current situation. I don't know if this will work for you but this is what I've been doing...
I'm slowly starting to do things I used to do (exercising, reading, weekend trips with the kids, going back to school, etc) When you're stressed you start to loose interest in the things you used to do (I sound like a commercial) anywho..I try to stay really busy. When I'm still for too long, my mind wonders. I start to think about all the things that have gone wrong in my life. And I don't know what you believe as far as your faith goes, but I'm working on building my relationship with God also. On a regular basis I have moments when I feel like giving up, but I definitely know there's a reward for me and the kiddos in the end. And that keeps me pushing forward. Alot of this IS rebuilding that confidence, self-esteem, and your identity. But you can do this...one day at time. Sorry about the novel :-)
Quoting vivi1972:my situation is a little different. I am single but i have two really great kids. im struggling to make a clean break from my ex. he is really toxic and the stress from being around him has taken a toll on me. I can't even think about dating! Too scarey.. So I've got to say I have a lot of pieces to pick up. Trying to get back into the work force (pretty much stayed home to raise kids), rebuild my identity, rebuild relations with my family (who don't understand why I just don't want to be with the father). So my plate is full. How bout u? How are u trying to start over? I'm open to advice..
No thats ok, I appreciate the detail you went in to. It makes me feel like i'm not so alone in my struggles. I like how you are trying to do the things that u used to enjoy. I used to enjoy so many things before, exercising (going to the gym), going to bookstores, hanging out with my sisters, taking little road trips.. All that fell away once i had my kids and dealing with all the bs with my ex. My life took a backseat to my kids and managing all the chaos around me. And your right, I find myself dwelling on all my mistakes and regrets in life. I think for us, find a good support group is so important. and I believe in God and now im just trying to trust in him more. Im trying to trust my instincts to help me make better decisions. XOXO and good luck
I swear we're twins. Good luck to you too. If you need to talk, I'm only a mouse click away. HUGS
Quoting vivi1972:No thats ok, I appreciate the detail you went in to. It makes me feel like i'm not so alone in my struggles. I like how you are trying to do the things that u used to enjoy. I used to enjoy so many things before, exercising (going to the gym), going to bookstores, hanging out with my sisters, taking little road trips.. All that fell away once i had my kids and dealing with all the bs with my ex. My life took a backseat to my kids and managing all the chaos around me. And your right, I find myself dwelling on all my mistakes and regrets in life. I think for us, find a good support group is so important. and I believe in God and now im just trying to trust in him more. Im trying to trust my instincts to help me make better decisions. XOXO and good luck
Hi there. You sure have a lot there. I have also been through that crisis. One step at a time sister. I suggest you prioritize then slowly get there. You will be more frustrated when you want to resolve everything all at the same time.
Start with the work force. you will find that once you are in it - you might be able to find a support group there and the rest wll follow.
Go go go :)
Im not vindictive or mean .... I am a person who thinks of what the problem is before I react. I was married 25 years and he decided he wanted out. Yeah he was verbally abusive- I tried to get him to counceling w/ me but he would have none of it. Now Im 3 years divorced and am finally starting to realize how much he had me under his thumb. He now realizes it also and I said sorry.... your boat has sailed. Kids are more important to me than my hurt...Im a momof4......so I do alot of bible study trying to let it go as it was making me sick all the madness.. and NO i'm not ever dating again. Raised one hubby...now im onto the grandkid stage. I have 3 in college and 1 in middle school. Good luck to those brave enough to date again...it scares the crap outta me. A young man tried to ask me out in the grocery store.. I asked him how old does he think I was... he said 25.... I said I have 3 kids that age and he burned rubber buddy!! was hilarious. YEP Im back to normal .lol
Quoting momof4kids257:Im not vindictive or mean .... I am a person who thinks of what the problem is before I react. I was married 25 years and he decided he wanted out. Yeah he was verbally abusive- I tried to get him to counceling w/ me but he would have none of it. Now Im 3 years divorced and am finally starting to realize how much he had me under his thumb. He now realizes it also and I said sorry.... your boat has sailed. Kids are more important to me than my hurt...Im a momof4......so I do alot of bible study trying to let it go as it was making me sick all the madness.. and NO i'm not ever dating again. Raised one hubby...now im onto the grandkid stage. I have 3 in college and 1 in middle school. Good luck to those brave enough to date again...it scares the crap outta me. A young man tried to ask me out in the grocery store.. I asked him how old does he think I was... he said 25.... I said I have 3 kids that age and he burned rubber buddy!! was hilarious. YEP Im back to normal .lol
That (the part in red) is hiliarious! lol
Quoting momof4kids257:Im not vindictive or mean .... I am a person who thinks of what the problem is before I react. I was married 25 years and he decided he wanted out. Yeah he was verbally abusive- I tried to get him to counceling w/ me but he would have none of it. Now Im 3 years divorced and am finally starting to realize how much he had me under his thumb. He now realizes it also and I said sorry.... your boat has sailed. Kids are more important to me than my hurt...Im a momof4......so I do alot of bible study trying to let it go as it was making me sick all the madness.. and NO i'm not ever dating again. Raised one hubby...now im onto the grandkid stage. I have 3 in college and 1 in middle school. Good luck to those brave enough to date again...it scares the crap outta me. A young man tried to ask me out in the grocery store.. I asked him how old does he think I was... he said 25.... I said I have 3 kids that age and he burned rubber buddy!! was hilarious. YEP Im back to normal .lol
Yes. Am definitely starting over. Gave up my career to stay at home with my two girls. Devoted myself to being a wife and mother only to have a partner who changed his mind and left for another woman who was supposed to be my friend. Am happy to say the divorce was final on the same day I got the job I've been waiting three years to find.
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on Feb. 6, 2012 at 8:22 PM