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My best friend is driving me nuts!!!!!

Posted by on Feb. 7, 2012 at 9:36 AM
  • 10 Replies

Since my DS was born my best friend has kind of taken on the daddy role. It has been really great. I get some help with him and DS get's to bond with a guy I know will always be around. DS adores him and he loves DS. Up until last night it has been really great.

On monday's he has been watching DS so I can work since his hours have been cut at work. I have a diaper caddy for the house and a diaper bag for taking out. He has decided that he wants to use the diaper caddy to go out with. In and of itself I would not complain except that he takes things out of the diaper bag. Some of which he puts in the caddy but he also pulls out things he just decides I do not need in the bag and dumps it some where. I asked him to not pull stuff out and if he does he needs to put it back. I have a horrible memory and am constantly forgetting things so it is really important that I stick to my system to make sure I remember everything DS needs while we are out. He refuses and makes arguments like my wanting him to return things to it's proper place is the same as wanting him to allow me to stab Aiden. What the hell is he talking about. I can't argue with that because it is an asinine argument that has nothing to do with the diaper bag. His other argument is that wanting things done the way that works the best for me is like making everyone on earth change their system to my way of doing things. He is being completely rediculous. His need to be right is going to hurt DS because I am going to be out one day and not have his formula, diapers, or a change of clothes when I need it. He also says he feels sorry for my son because I am being selfish and it is all really about me because I want to be organised and not forget the things I need to take care of him. Yeah, I am a horrible mother because I have found a system that helps me overcome a weakness to be a better mother.

The worst part is when I went downstairs to calm down and take care of DS I noticed his nails were getting a little long and looked in the caddy for his nail clippers. They weren't there and when I asked him where they were he says the diaper bag. Took out everything and couldn't find them. Went and asked again and he found them on his computer desk. I explain to him that this is the perfect example of why everything has it's place so that I can find things when I need them. If they just get put back then I don't waste time wandering around the house looking for them. He still argued with me about it. He needs to be right even if he hurts others trying to prove it. He never learns to listen to anyone else even when people do it his way and things don't work out like he expected. I am not going to hurt my son showing him he is wrong.

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by on Feb. 7, 2012 at 9:36 AM
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Replies (1-10):
vbway
by on Feb. 7, 2012 at 3:43 PM

I know how great it can be to have someone fill the man role for your children, especially if the dad is a complete deadbeat. And yes, sometimes small things can drive you crazy. Maybe get a second complete bag would help. Also, maybe keeping a stash in your closet with nail clippers, brushes, extra wipes etc. Good luck.

court.0125
by on Feb. 7, 2012 at 3:47 PM
3 moms liked this
I'm sorry, I bet that can be really frustrating! Maybe make a bag for YOU only and keep that bag in your car or in your room so that it's never messed with unless you are the one using it?
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crimsonangel180
by on Feb. 7, 2012 at 3:52 PM
I agreement with the other girls that you should have a bad just for you. And although you have a system you need tio keep in mind that he can not watch him. Compromise
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ame4c
by Group Admin on Feb. 7, 2012 at 3:56 PM

 O.k. I kind of agree with him.  You are all upset because you are set in your ways and he keeps messing with your mojo, and HE MUST change to fill your needs.  Girl, he's helping you out.  Don't bite the hand that feeds you, so to speak.  What if he is set in his ways and doesn't want to change for you?  are you going to break off a friendship because of that?  You want to be upset because you are two different people set in their ways and he won't change to meet your needs.  He's not married to you and from the sounds of it, he's not even your baby's father.  He's just doing you a favor.

Sounds like you need to back up and be grateful for the help he's giving you and how he's making your life easier.  There are battles to pick and I'm not sure you want to end this friendship (which will happen if you keep nagging him) over things not being put in their place.

vinajamom
by on Feb. 7, 2012 at 4:02 PM
1 mom liked this
I'm sorry, I always had a 3rd separate bag in the trunk of my car, because I am super forgetful also.
I actually ended up using it a couple times.
With people like that you have to find different ways to deal, cause he's just not going to ever change because he doesn't want to listen to why you do things the way you do them, been there done that=(
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faerie75
by Ruby Member on Feb. 7, 2012 at 4:25 PM

 i would make my own diaper bag and put it away for my own use and thn leave the old one and the caddy where they are accessible to him and dont even tell him about the new bag.

Kaya529
by on Feb. 7, 2012 at 5:18 PM

It is more of a give and take thing. He told me that he didn't want to have his own kids because he is too selfish so being the stand in to Aiden allows him to have a fatherly relationship without all the demands of actually being the dad. Also, if we were going to end the friendship it would have happened a long time ago. We have gone through a few nasty fights before. He isn't going anywhere and neither am I. Actually when he woke up he came down and apologized and we decided to get him his own bag :) There are a lot of things that I keep my mouth shut about but this one was really important to me.

Also I should tell you that the whole reason we became friends in the first place is after he was in a bad car accident that he ended up having to have brain surgery, I was the one who took care of him so his dad could go back to work to pay off the medical bills. We have always been there for each other when needed.

Quoting ame4c:

 O.k. I kind of agree with him.  You are all upset because you are set in your ways and he keeps messing with your mojo, and HE MUST change to fill your needs.  Girl, he's helping you out.  Don't bite the hand that feeds you, so to speak.  What if he is set in his ways and doesn't want to change for you?  are you going to break off a friendship because of that?  You want to be upset because you are two different people set in their ways and he won't change to meet your needs.  He's not married to you and from the sounds of it, he's not even your baby's father.  He's just doing you a favor.

Sounds like you need to back up and be grateful for the help he's giving you and how he's making your life easier.  There are battles to pick and I'm not sure you want to end this friendship (which will happen if you keep nagging him) over things not being put in their place.


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moosesmom
by Silver Member on Feb. 8, 2012 at 12:45 AM

Listen, I'm assuming this is your first child. Experienced moms know, the term "organized" should be used loosely when referring to children. There are THOUSANDS of women who would kill to have a stand up guy like your friend around. Trust me, I know where your'e coming from, but it's really not that serious. Annoying as all get out, yes. But will it harm baby? No. It seems like he's doing a great job with baby boy. I agree with the other ladies. Get a second bag. In the meantime, try your HARDEST to overlook what's going on. Your son is well taken care of, and he's getting more than enough love. Let it go...

moosesmom
by Silver Member on Feb. 8, 2012 at 12:46 AM

tell her again girl...

Quoting ame4c:

 O.k. I kind of agree with him.  You are all upset because you are set in your ways and he keeps messing with your mojo, and HE MUST change to fill your needs.  Girl, he's helping you out.  Don't bite the hand that feeds you, so to speak.  What if he is set in his ways and doesn't want to change for you?  are you going to break off a friendship because of that?  You want to be upset because you are two different people set in their ways and he won't change to meet your needs.  He's not married to you and from the sounds of it, he's not even your baby's father.  He's just doing you a favor.

Sounds like you need to back up and be grateful for the help he's giving you and how he's making your life easier.  There are battles to pick and I'm not sure you want to end this friendship (which will happen if you keep nagging him) over things not being put in their place.


ame4c
by Group Admin on Feb. 8, 2012 at 12:42 PM

 

Quoting moosesmom:

Listen, I'm assuming this is your first child. Experienced moms know, the term "organized" should be used loosely when referring to children. There are THOUSANDS of women who would kill to have a stand up guy like your friend around. Trust me, I know where your'e coming from, but it's really not that serious. Annoying as all get out, yes. But will it harm baby? No. It seems like he's doing a great job with baby boy. I agree with the other ladies. Get a second bag. In the meantime, try your HARDEST to overlook what's going on. Your son is well taken care of, and he's getting more than enough love. Let it go...

 LOL... Oraganized... Men.... and babies... none belong in the same sentence.

     ame4c





 

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