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So I just became single... (PIOG)

Posted by on Feb. 8, 2012 at 12:05 AM
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For the last several weeks, my boyfriend has been lying, cheating, avoiding me, and doing other various shady things. I confronted a few times, and he downplayed it all, but then I found absolute proof. I even talked to his other girlfriend, who was under the impression that he was in an open relationship and had tried to make contact with me several times so she could make sure we were on the same page, but he kept her from doing so (he even logged onto MY Facebook and blocked her so she couldn't contact me). I also found out that he planned on breaking up with me soon. So, I got a head start on all that.

Yesterday while he was at work, I moved all mine and my son's stuff out of the house (DS is not his son). I didn't even tell him I was leaving. I left him a note telling him that I knew everything, had talked to the girl, and that I had a few more things I'd need to pick up eventually. I moved into my mother's house.

When he got home, the house was half empty (I only took what was mine). He called, we fought, then we talked a bit. He admitted to everything, including telling that poor girl that we were in an open relationship (the dumbass is staying with him even after all that - he's her problem now). He didn't admit to wanting to leave me - he said all he was hoping for was a break. Well, he got it.

Anyway, long story short, I'm single. Actually single for the first time in years - while our relationship hasn't lasted very long, I have never really been "single." I have always felt like I need to be in a relationship to be happy. I love being in a relationship. I feel like I am a better person.

But now I don't know what to do. I am jobless but searching, and I have plans to go back to school but I have to figure out financial aid first. I need to figure out who I am, what I want, what I deserve. I need to grow the hell up.

On top of all that, I am fucking terrified. And I feel so lonely. I want to hug him, and to cuddle with him, and talk to him. I won't, but I want to. I really need to take time to figure myself out and learn to be happy with myself, but I just don't know how. I miss him, even though I know I am better off without him. It hurts. Physically hurts. Every time I think of him, I want to cry and call him and come back. I know that I can't, but it's all I want right now.

I don't really know why I just typed all this out... I just needed to vent and have someone tell me it will be okay. If anyone has been through something similar, please feel free to give me some advice on how to deal with this.

by on Feb. 8, 2012 at 12:05 AM
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by Silver Member on Feb. 8, 2012 at 1:30 AM

So I just posted this on someone elses post...sounds like alot of us are going through similar situations.

I'm slowly starting to do things I used to do (exercising, reading, weekend trips with the kids, going back to school, etc) When you're stressed you start to loose interest in the things you used to do (I sound like a commercial) anywho..I try to stay really busy. When I'm still for too long, my mind wonders. I start to think about all the things that have gone wrong in my life. And I don't know what you believe as far as your faith goes, but I'm working on building my relationship with God also.  On a regular basis I have moments when I feel like giving up, but I definitely know there's a reward for me and the kiddos in the end. And that keeps me pushing forward. Alot of this IS rebuilding that confidence, self-esteem, and your identity. But you can do day at time. 

by on Feb. 8, 2012 at 10:08 AM
((Hugs hun)) its good to sometimes just work on ourselves than just jumping into another relationship. You did the right thing by not sticking with a cheater. The loneliness will becomer....its just so fresh now.
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by on Feb. 8, 2012 at 10:14 AM
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I am so proud of you having the courage to leave him! It is tough, but with time your heart will heal. You have a brand new start on life so take full advantage. I wish you the best, my prayers are with you and your son.

by Ruby Member on Feb. 8, 2012 at 3:37 PM
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 it just takes time. stay strong. there is someone else out there who is all you want. but you wont find him until you know and enjoy yourself. anyone else you meet until then is settling.

by on Feb. 8, 2012 at 3:41 PM
Try to learn to be happy with yourself, a relationship will follow. Go to school, it's a great idea and a good way to build up a social life. There are grants and scholarships specifically for single mothers, and some of them will cover child care expenses. Good luck and stay strong.
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by on Feb. 8, 2012 at 3:43 PM

 It sounds like you did the right thing. It will just take time to get to the point where you no longer want him...and that's normal. You didn't deserve the crap he put you through, and you will be so much stronger for leaving. This is motivating you do to more, be better for yourself and your son. You can do it! You'll be so much happier in the end.

by on Feb. 8, 2012 at 3:46 PM

well first of welcome to the group!

sorry he did that to you! it will take time but it will be ok! good luck on the job search and going back to school. just take it a day at a time

by on Feb. 8, 2012 at 5:05 PM

Oh sweetheart, know that there are others in your same boat.  I, too, have always been better in a relationship than out.  I confronted my bf Monday about knowing he was contacting women online and making plans to meet them.  I know that because I was one of them.  I'm home sick today and am going crazy because i can't text him or talk to him.  I don't know what I'm going to do either.  I can't sit here watching tv or staring at the walls. 

by on Feb. 8, 2012 at 5:18 PM
You'll be okay, and that's the truth. Better than okay. I know how bad it hurts right now and it feels like you can't get away from it. But all you can do is move on. It takes time to get over it but it also takes effort.
I know what you mean about being in a relationship. That's me, too. Although I've had to learn the hard way what happens when you enter relationships without being happy with where you are in your own life. Maybe you need a little time to "do you". You can make it happen as far as getting funds for school. It's hard, but you can make it on your own, and you'll be better off without that type of man bringing you down emotionally.
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by on Feb. 8, 2012 at 5:19 PM

 I am sorry that your going through much.  Time heals in itself.  Take care of you and your DS.  Relationships come and go.  Everything will fall into place once again.  The newness of being alone is just the beginning.  You will go much of this in your life.  Stay strong for DS. 

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