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It's taken 14 years to get here! Court Tomorrow - Need advice, thoughts and prayers

Posted by on Feb. 8, 2012 at 6:48 AM
  • 13 Replies

Hello single moms! I'd like to introduce myself and ask for a bit of advice from those who may have experience in what I am facing. Apologies for the length, I tried to cram 14 years into few paragraphs.

My name is Gayla. I am the mother of twin boys who will be graduating high school in June. I divorced their dad in 1997. I had discovered his cheating when he made the mistake of getting drunk and charged a local sleazy motel on our debit card instead of his "secret" credit card. Within days of discovering the charge, he was also diagnosed with herpes.

Our divorce was final in May 97. I'd taken special care to divide our debts into HIS and MINE; splitting medical expenses for the twins down the middle. All I asked for was $100 a week in child support. No insurance, not clothing allowance - just child support. I let him take the car - we rented, so that wasn't an issue.

In July 97, he filed bankruptcy. Since our decree did not read the words "Hold Harmless" on debts, I wound up paying all the debts he filed on. Including the credit card that funded over $3,000 in liquor stores, bars and hotels.

A year later, I discovered he had brought herpes home. That "complete STD test" I asked my doctor for right after divorce didn't include herpes, hpv or HIV. I was livid and began a HUGE campaign that would force doctors to disclose this lack of testing when someone asks for a "complete test." That campaign thrust me into a financially rewarding career as a national STD advocate.  I chose not to hide, because if it came home to me, it could make it's way home to anyone!

I didn't complain, as it was a means to provide for my kids. My story was being shared on television, magazines (Jane, Fitness, Marie Claire) and I was called upon by pharmaceutical companies to consult on a regular basis for the drug Valtrex.

The ex would only see the boys when there was a new woman in his life and he was posing as a "dad of the year" candidate. Once he learned what I was doing, he had the balls to tell me he deserved "royalties" from my work because without him, I wouldn't have such a great job. This was around the same time I was being hit by collectors for unpaid utility bills he and his girlfriend had gotten in MY name.

I wanted to puke! He's a real piece of work!

Since our divorce, he has had 3 more children with different mothers. Two mothers are as bad as him. Living off the government, pawning their kids off on whoever they can so they can maintain the party lifestyle, have been on house arrest a few times, etc.

We've also learned he has 3, possibly 4 that are older than my two. My kids are learning of their siblings and their mothers through FRIEND REQUESTS on Facebook. It's been very strange to say the least.

Because my ex lives in the same county as those mothers - and because they are on welfare, the state has been aggressive in collecting support for those kids. My being independent and supporting my kids has left my case on the back burner.

A few months ago, I learned he had been arrested for unpaid support in that county. He is being held in a work release program. I contacted my child support office and told them I wanted a piece of that pie. He was in a position where they could collect.

Because he is in work release, he also has no choice but to appear in court. My court date is tomorrow.

I've never been to court for this before. The prosecuters office has always handled it.

This time, my case agent suggested I go. I'm nervous! I'm sick! I have NO clue what's going to happen - what, if anything I should take with me.

My kids are amazing! They are honor roll students. I've received calls from teachers and random people from our town - just to let me know I have two of the most polite, well-behaved boys they'd ever seen. One of my boys was just nominated by an anonymous teacher for a national recognition and honor for being "a really good person."

I want so much to point out how totally amazing my boys are. And it's of NO credit to their father. Not so much that I did it on my own, but that MY BOYS deserve a system to fight for them - instead of funding the addictions and lifestyles of crack whores who are abusing the system and taking advantage of taxpayers.

The irony of it all is, being self employed, I pay much higher taxes. At times it feels like I am being forced to fund a system that supports his tramps.

The girls love them! And they have had great girlfriends with good families. I've even remained close friends with some.

I apologize for this being so long winded. I'm so extremely nervous - I want to make the absolute MOST of the time I have.

I appreciate ANY advice anyone can offer.

by on Feb. 8, 2012 at 6:48 AM
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Replies (1-10):
by on Feb. 8, 2012 at 12:25 PM
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 I have absolutely no idea but good for you raising two great boys!

by on Feb. 8, 2012 at 12:33 PM
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First off, welcome!!! Secondly, YOU GO GIRL!!!! You and your boys ought to be proud of you!! You are an inspiration to many! Keep it up!!! Thanks for sharing your story!!
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by on Feb. 8, 2012 at 12:37 PM
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 Tell them you want child support for every one of those 14 years. He owes you whether the kids are graduating soon or not. Mine hasn't paid in 15 years and owes over 60K. He never shows up for court and I don't really care. My son is 18 and will graduate in June. What my ex doesn't know is that his arrearages will never go away and IF he ever gets social security I will have my pay day.

by on Feb. 8, 2012 at 12:41 PM
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hey good luck with court prayers it goes well for you!!

by on Feb. 8, 2012 at 1:00 PM
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good luck girl

by on Feb. 8, 2012 at 1:07 PM
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Wow your story is amazing! I would ask an attorney what to bring. Every case is different. Best of luck!
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by on Feb. 8, 2012 at 1:31 PM
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I totally feel for you and your story! I kinda got lost when he started talking about wanting "royalties" ...what a piece of crap he is for that??  But as far as your court date I have no doubts you will be fine to get something.  I mean really he owes you big time! Even when you have a strong case you still get nervous..been there! Glad you joined us here! And I am impressed with your campaigning efforts!

by Ruby Member on Feb. 8, 2012 at 1:37 PM
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Honestly, id just move on and not continue this anger. He is a loser and will always be one. Yes, I would keep the support order open and follow up on it. But insread of focusing on that asshole id focus on how well I've done for myself and my kids and how well they have turned out. It really does make all the difference. I also left my kids dad in 97 and was pissed for years but now im not and am completely over what a loser he was. I feel lighter, better, less burdened.
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by on Feb. 8, 2012 at 2:08 PM
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Wow he's got a lot of nerve! That's awesome you've turned this terrible situation into something positive! Good luck!
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by on Feb. 8, 2012 at 2:29 PM

All you can do it go in prepared. Bring all requested docs, it will be over before you know it. There really isn't anything to it. I am interested in the work release program you mentioned. I wonder if they have something like that in Ca. My ex only owes support to me, but he is 14k behind. 

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