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New here....Single, Overwhelmed & Underappreciated

Posted by on Feb. 8, 2012 at 9:45 PM
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Hello. I think the title to my post says it all. I'm single and living on State Disability. I went through a lot of Post Pardom depression after my daughter was born (she's 18 months now). Before that, I experienced many traumas that caused me to fall into deep depression. My doctor put me on stress disability.

Just as I was about to start a family, it was torn apart. I am single, lonely. I have zero time for dating unless my roommate watches my daughter so I can go out. Until Child Support comes through, I cannot afford daycare for my child. She does qualify for Head Start, but the waiting list is super long, and so is subsidized housing. 

In addition to stress disability (I lost 3 family members, a husband, my job, apartment and pet all within the course of a year), I started having severe back pain. After an MRI was done, it was concluded that I have  three discs in my back that are bulging, one leaking fluid into my vertebrae. I recently had an outpatient procedure done (cortisone shots). I hope this helps, even if it is a temporary fix. I am hopefully going to avoid serious surgery. I dont' have time to stop. I have a toddler that depends on me 24/7.

So, I am dealing with multiple things. I am strong, determined and trying to stay positive. My church is an amazing source of support but I haven't been attending lately. Driving irritates my back a lot. 

It take it a day at a time. My child is why I get up in the morning. Every smile, everything she does is what keeps me moving. She is my drive. 

I'm here because I am overwhelmed. I have no me time. Yes, I'm lucky I get to spend so much time with my daughter, but at least with a job to go to, you have adult coversation, a focus on something other than the problems at home. Most people don't understand what life is like on the other side of the fence. I am very blessed. I'm underappreciated because her father takes everything for granted. Until I get child support, our lives are limited. He knows that I take great care of our daughter, so he doesn't worry, or act concerned or show support. He takes me for granted.

Well, thanks all for listening! Hope I didn't over do it! LOL!

by on Feb. 8, 2012 at 9:45 PM
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Replies (1-10):
khrisna1978
by Member on Feb. 8, 2012 at 9:58 PM
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Just to let you know you are not alone. That's the thing about life it will knock you down but get right back up. For the sake of God,your daughter and you. Just always think about what you do have rather what you don't have. God bless you and your precious daughter:-)
Mommyto2LilMen
by Tina on Feb. 8, 2012 at 10:49 PM
1 mom liked this

Welcome hun!! So glad you found us!!!

LifeCafe42
by on Feb. 9, 2012 at 12:09 AM
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Welcome!
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tuttyflo
by on Feb. 9, 2012 at 12:46 AM
That's how I try to think. I'm in the same boat. The ex tries to undermind my life my mother always says. He never take his daughter.
I don't understand he doesn't want me to have any free time.
Its so hard alone. No relief no break. I also rent in an upper class town where everyone is married and a stay at home mom I feel like. It tough..
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Amysmum
by on Feb. 9, 2012 at 2:29 AM
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It is quite lonely isn't it? That's why I'm up at 11:23PM on this site instead of coming home from a date. It's been a year since I left my ex, but I'm still fighting him. I do miss sharing the (dare I say) burden of raising a child. I feel bad that she doesn't get the socialization she needs. I'm putting her in daycare, but it's going to cost and not just money wise. I go to Starbucks every day. It's not just about the coffee (and believe me I do need the cafffeine in the morning!), but it's not just about the coffee. It's about getting out of the house, socializing. 

I don't think my ex feels like I shouldn't have any free time. I just think he's immature and clueless. He doesn't do anything when our daughter is with him. His living situation isn't suitable for a kid, so he takes our daughter to his mother's house. She does ALL the work. I asked him what she was fed while she was there (due to her becoming really picky all of the sudden with food when she came back). He said "I don't know, mom fed her. She likes to do it. Jarred food." He had our daughter at his mom's house and had no idea what to do. When he picked her up I told him by the time you get home, she'll be hungry and really tired (fussy and clingy). He sent me a text asking why Amy was so fussy and clingy. I was like "She's hungry and tired. Feed her and put her to bed." He can't be that clueless!!!! We didn't leave until Amy was nearly 10 months old. He's just being lazy.


BTW: How many kids do you have? Age? Gender?

I've been using POF (Plenty of Fish) looking for dates. I've been on a few dates but you just really never know what you will get! OMG! There are plenty of fish in the sea, but goodness lately all I've seen are guppies and bottom feeders!

Amysmum
by on Feb. 9, 2012 at 2:31 AM

Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU! It's something I always tell myself, but positive reinforcement is always welcomed, needed and crucial when you are doing it alone! God Bless you as well!

Melissa

Amysmum
by on Feb. 9, 2012 at 2:32 AM

Thank you so much!! I'm feeling really comfortable with you all!! I can tell already this is the beginning of a fantastic relationship! Great connections here! How long have you been using the site? How many kids do you have? Gender? Age?

Melissa

Amysmum
by on Feb. 9, 2012 at 2:33 AM
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I'm so grateful and feeling so incredibly blessed by all of you! You are all so friendly and welcoming. No doubt a way to stay positive!!!

miyucamui
by on Feb. 9, 2012 at 2:36 AM

Driving hurts my back too. I have a degenerative bone disease in my back and my doctor said the best thing for it is physical therapy, but I can't afford it. So I try to exercise as often as I can. Do you have many friends in your area? I had depression really bad when I had my son. But it got better when I moved back to Utah to be around my friends. 

Amysmum
by on Feb. 9, 2012 at 2:42 AM
1 mom liked this

I've considered moving closer to my family, but that would mean moving to Oregon. I have family scattered all over but Coos Bay, Ore is where my grandmother lives and that's where I'd go. I could also relocate to Grass Valley (20 minutes north of Sacramento). I would stay in the same state, but looking for housing would be a challenge. I'm lucky I've found a good roommate situation where I'm at. 

Do you have to have surgery? What exactly is your condition? Depression is really hard. I have to say, if it weren't for my daughter, I'd likely stay in bed all day long. Some days are a true struggle. My church family is wonderful but I've withdrawn quite a bit because of how far away my church is and the driving issue. I'm looking for a local church now. I NEED the support. Ironically, it helps to have a roommate. Communicating with her is great for me. Part of reaching out was my Google search, which led me to this website. I feel so supported and welcomed.

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