advice on vent

[sarastew39]

 Hi i have a 10 week old daughter named Nora. I totally would love to try to be with her dad If he changed  lol... Him and I try to stay cool but, his lifestyle and excuses upset me. He doesnt parent. He has two other children the oldest 12 who the mother didnt let my baby dad see or 6 years and the middle 7 who lives wiht the mother and was adopted by his moms husband. So i have his 3rd child and oldy daughter. I have had him come for a few visits. I had to move into my parents house for extra help and he came here twice. Its a little far and he doesnt have a car so i started meeting him. Well anyways..... He has only seen her a few times prob 6  times but he stays in contact with me. I got a letter from his  "booty call" saying hes been sleeping with her for the past 18 mnts and that there are other girls hes sleeping with too.  I get messed up over all this and become very hurt and angry.   I want my daughter to know him but,... i dont think he has changed at all for her. I dont want her around this mess. I dont trust him alone. esp knowing his "booty call" stops over his house at all hours upset about whatever.  Should i just wait around or him to take me to court if he wants to see her. idk what to do..

[5BMom]

Is he on the birth certificate?

[singlemom1208]

Just try to stay away emotionally and encourage him to make positive changes for her

[Dawnie-marie]

let him take it to court if he wants to see her. I wouldn't wait around.

[sarastew39]

 not yet. i havnt had one made yet bc he need a dna test

[1FlMom1]

I'd let him see her as much as you feel comfortable.  You already knew he was a loser before you had a child with him, so it's kind of unfair to suddenly be upset about it now that your daughter is here.  People don't change.  He is exactly who he is right now, and how he has parented his other kids is probably going to be how he parents her. 

Keep in mind, though, that kids always have a very intense need to feel loved by their biological parents.  She will always crave his love and approval.  That's just inherent in all of us.  I'd let her see him for that purpose. Letting him form a bond with her will make her feel loved and accepted, so do it for her.  I agree that with his history you probably shouldn't leave her alone with him. 

[faerie75]

Ignore his booty call. You aren't w him and it was trifling to make herself known if he wasn't.

Id let him see the kid. But id also take care of support and custody legally. Then if he succeeds or fails its on him and not your issue. Just be the best mom and example you can be and be there for your kid should he disappoint her.

[Andrewsmom70]

The sooner you realize that your feelings about/toward this guy shouldn't influence whether or not he can see his child, the better. His private life is his just like yours is yours. Unless his private life negstively impacts your child, it's truly none of your business.

He can have whomever he wants over to his house whenever he wants unless physical harm to your child could result.

Let him see your child in a supervised setting. Work out a set schedule and do your part to stick with it. However, that doesn't mean it's your job to always take your child to him. IF he wants to truly be involved, he'll find a way to do it, not make excuses why he can't.

If he wants more than supervised, make him take you to court.

Go to Child Support Recovery or whatever it's called and start child support paperwork ASAP.

[MeeshMom]

Let him come around when he is ready. Some men just don't want to be full time dads. He may say the oldest kids mom didnt let him see the kid but his other kid got adopted by the stepdad? That raises some warnings to me about him. You have to prepare to do this alone and if he chooses to be involved he can do so. But I wouldn't push it. That is just the way it is unfortunately. But you will learn and have lots of support here.