Custody

[Milly275]

My kids dad have me in court for custody, after almost 12 years of me doing everything for my kids now he want to act like he can be the better parent, he tell my kids I'm a bitch and many more things, I'm not scare that the court will give him custody, I know I'm doing everything a mother should do for their kids. I'm just afraid the court will believe anything he say, he's an educated person and know how to talk big words, if you know what I mean. On the other hand my kids love him 2 death, even though they know he's wrong. I took him for childsupport 4 yrs ago and he was so mad that he told me he was going to make my life miserable. Prior to that he never paid anything & I had to beg him 2 watch my kids on the weekends I had to work. So over 6 months ago he decided he wasn't going to pay child support any more and my kids hven't seen a dime from him. But they still want to be with him every other weekend and call him every day, when they go with him they forget about me, but when they need something they are quick to call me and ask me for it. I don't know what else to do. I get so angry at them because they know their dad is going to say no if they were to ask him for something so they don't even ask him. How do you think I should handle this?

[tyfry7496]

Your kids love him because he IS their dad and they are looking past the bad. You can't stop a child from loving a parent, even a bad one. You may not understand their feelings but they are their feelings and their RIGHT to a relationship with their dad. You'll just have to wait and see what the judge decides and be there for your kids when dad breaks their hearts.

[gr8d8n3mom]

{{{HUGS}}} I have been in ur shoes. Tell the judge he stopped paying Child Support! He is in contempt if u have a court order! Ur X is just doing this because he doesn't want to pay, I think a judge wil see thru this, and unless ur proven unfit or there is abuse, I can't see any reason for the judge to change custody. (There has to be a material change for it to do so) My X decided when my Younger DD was 15 he was going for custody, because he was tired of paying, we decided on 50/50 he would get her during the summer months and the last part of the school yr, BUT he had to live in her school dist. After all the hashing out, and agreeing. He calls me and says forget it, never mind Just leave it like it is! (I had sole custody) I thought R u kidding me???? what message are u sending our daughter? anyway.. good luck. I think u will do fine.

[Milly275]

You know I'm not trying to teach my kids not to love him, it just bother me that the man can put my kids in his priority list, he only see my kids 2 times a month and he can pick them up from school those 2 days they go with him, I always have to drop them off at the precinct. I don't think I'm asking for a lot. Then my 12 yr old told me his girl friend was prettier than me. That broke my heart because to me my mom was the most beautiful woman in the world.

[verystrawberry]

I think its great your kids have that relantionship with their dad, mine are the same, they don't ask dad for nothing because he will say no. guess who they DO trust? Me. It took me swhile to get last the pain of knowing dad is my kids HERO but one day they will realize the truth. I didn't crush my kids view of him but slowly the see mire and more of the truth. Now, did you ask your child about the gf or did he just blurt it out? I wouldn't worry about it.... You are who you are, be proud and teach your kids this:
“The beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the figure that she carries, or the way she combs her hair. The beauty of a woman is seen in her eyes, because that is the doorway to her heart, the place where love resides. True beauty in a woman is reflected in her soul. It's the caring that she lovingly gives the passion that she shows & the beauty of a woman only grows with passing years."

-Audrey Hepburn

[brieri]

 Hi and welcome to Single Moms Group.  I don't think any judge is going to give your kids to him unless there is a change of circumstances.  C/S and visitation do not go hand in hand.  I don't think kids forget about you when they go to his place, they just want to have some time with dad. Be the loving mom, show him how much you appreciate your kids when they ask something from you. Don't be the B..... like he's saying you are.

[Milly275]

Audrey thanks for your comment, no I didn't ask her, her father was cheating on his girlfriend and he asked my kids who was prettier is girlfriend or the other girl he was messing with, the he ask who was prettier btwn them 2 and I, and 1 day as I was driving my kids to their doc appointment she just came out and said it.

Quoting verystrawberry:

I think its great your kids have that relantionship with their dad, mine are the same, they don't ask dad for nothing because he will say no. guess who they DO trust? Me. It took me swhile to get last the pain of knowing dad is my kids HERO but one day they will realize the truth. I didn't crush my kids view of him but slowly the see mire and more of the truth. Now, did you ask your child about the gf or did he just blurt it out? I wouldn't worry about it.... You are who you are, be proud and teach your kids this:

“The beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the figure that she carries, or the way she combs her hair. The beauty of a woman is seen in her eyes, because that is the doorway to her heart, the place where love resides. True beauty in a woman is reflected in her soul. It's the caring that she lovingly gives the passion that she shows & the beauty of a woman only grows with passing years."



-Audrey Hepburn

[Milly275]

I do my best to give them everything they want, but every time they go with him they disappoint me. I always tell them whatever happens at home stay home, and some how they always tell him everything we do in the order that was done. For example last weekend they went with him, Saturday morning he sent me and email stating in order everything we did Thursday. I don't know what else to do to get them to understand that they can be Telling him everything that happens whether is good or bad, I don't want him knowing what I'm doing with my life or with my kids while they are with me, that's my time to spend quality time with them.

Quoting brieri:

 Hi and welcome to Single Moms Group.  I don't think any judge is going to give your kids to him unless there is a change of circumstances.  C/S and visitation do not go hand in hand.  I don't think kids forget about you when they go to his place, they just want to have some time with dad. Be the loving mom, show him how much you appreciate your kids when they ask something from you. Don't be the B..... like he's saying you are.

[faerie75]

Visitation and support aren't related. Let them keep seeing their dad.

If you have a child support order, report him to child support enforcement and ask that his wages be garnished.

Get a datebook and write down every threat or incident. Be detailed but factual. If he texts, keep the texts. Just try to relax.

[LifeCafe42]

Welcome to the group! It sounds like he's got a lot to desire but I'm glad your kids have the relationship . The judge isn't going to give full custody or address the cs issues. Just be there for your kids when he breaks their heart

[faerie75]

Weite this in your datebook. That is grown folk business and highly inappropriate.

Quoting Milly275:

Audrey thanks for your comment, no I didn't ask her, her father was cheating on his girlfriend and he asked my kids who was prettier is girlfriend or the other girl he was messing with, the he ask who was prettier btwn them 2 and I, and 1 day as I was driving my kids to their doc appointment she just came out and said it.

Quoting verystrawberry:

I think its great your kids have that relantionship with their dad, mine are the same, they don't ask dad for nothing because he will say no. guess who they DO trust? Me. It took me swhile to get last the pain of knowing dad is my kids HERO but one day they will realize the truth. I didn't crush my kids view of him but slowly the see mire and more of the truth. Now, did you ask your child about the gf or did he just blurt it out? I wouldn't worry about it.... You are who you are, be proud and teach your kids this:


“The beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the figure that she carries, or the way she combs her hair. The beauty of a woman is seen in her eyes, because that is the doorway to her heart, the place where love resides. True beauty in a woman is reflected in her soul. It's the caring that she lovingly gives the passion that she shows & the beauty of a woman only grows with passing years."





-Audrey Hepburn