Please bare with me, there's alot going on an I desperatly need advice on what to do an were to begin.
First, let me say that I recently got arried (Nov 11) an even though we had issues with ex's, it has been nothing but horror this year. He has an ex-wife an a son with her, as well as a daughter from a previous relationship. I have a son with my ex, who is also remarried now.
Well while going through our important stuff we came accross his divorce papers, and found an extra sheet inside the finalized copy. A bit of a back story here is that he had been trying to get divorced from her for atleast 3-4 years and there was always a problem with her or she wanted more money, etc. He was in the military and signed the last papers in June 2010, an got out in Aug of the same year. She knew this but made excuses to not file until Jan (after that, it had all of the wrong info on it). It really didnt matter bc all he wanted was the divorce, and the original paperwork hadnt included their son- that was supposed to be done later. Finally after 6 more months it was granted. Well, when looking it over last month he found a sheet that she had typed up with stipulations about his visitation an CS which neither had he agreed to. The visitation was worded with "while he is in the military on leave in TX" an always supervised an approved by her. Also the CS was $400 an calculated while he was in the military. Since he hadn't been at the trial (since that paper wasnt even in the ones we had copies of) it was granted by the judge. Like I said, he is no longer in the military an wants to be able to see his son. Since then he has tried emailing her about it an has also tried setting up a visitation...nothing was ever responded to. She would never give him a phone # an the only address he had was her mother, which he doesnt even know if she even lives in TX anymore. So he has lost contact with her and his son. He has not had his wages garnished an it has not gone through the DCSE in TX...so he does not know what to do about it.
His daughter an her mother live in the same state as us, only 4 hrs away just like my sons father. She has wanted them to sign custody of their daughter to her parents from the time she was born so she would stay on military ins. (her father is a master chief). So he would give her outrageous amounts for daycare an lawyers but nothing ever came of it. In Dec she txtd him that $600 would be the last to sign everything by March. Well after taxes he tried calling to set everything up only to find she had changed her # and we get CS papers the next day. Those papers say $454, which is also calculated with wrong info. Also find out she makes over $2k while living with her parents still an claims that a monthly expence to take care of thier daughter is $1,000. Now they have never had visitation setup or custody, she refused to have her on his VA ins. and has flat out refused to have his daughter around me an her half brother(ironically tho I was the one to solely take care of her when she was born an not her mother) Now he has no way to contact her or his daughter either, an was told to never call the house on the off chance he would talk to her mom (bc her parents like us) so she had him delete their # over a year ago.
I have a son who will be 5 in March (as well as a 2yr old with my husband) well my ex who is remarried, frankly makes about 3 times as much as my husband on his own w/o his wife. I cannot work currently due to recent surgery an other medical issues, but I am a full time student. My ex only pays $300 a month for our son. I have never asked for more, bc frankly I have never had a problem with needing more for his care. until recently. I was unable to put him in a state funded daycare/preschool bc of the week in each month he stays with his father- they claimed it was too much time to miss from school. All the other places here are way over $400 a month, an a judge would not change the visitation bc "preschool is not mandatory". I have not asked for anything more still. I am shocked that even tho he makes so much more than we do by himself he still pays so little, yet for another child in the same state it is over $450 for my husband who makes less than the mother. It just doesnt make sense to me.
I came into this relationship an marriage knowing about the kids an have no problem with that an having to pay something for their care. However, I feel that information has been falsified to get as much as they can, and yet dont feel that he even deserves to have a contact # for them or to see them. Also, even in the paperwork on his daughter it clearly asks if he as other dependennts which she said "no" yet she knows he does. If we began to pay the $850 it would be over half, almost 3/4 of his monthly income and we wouldnt be able to keep our house, let alone our kids would suffer bc instead of it being fair for all the kids we would be taking away from the two in our home- hell id have to just sign over my CS plus pay more for just one of his, whats the point?
I had an awful relationship with my ex, but Ive never used our son as leverage or kept him away. Hes always gotten pics, updates, visitation before we even went to court ann he didnt pay a dime then. I dont know how ppl can do this.
I don't know what to do first, does he contact the TX courts about the new paperwork? Or the TX DSCE? How does he do any of it without her info? Does he contact the one in this state to give them the correct info or does he try to contact her somehow an figure out whats going on with the parent custody? Or go an file for visitation? Would he even get it? How would it work if he cant find them?
I dont mean to sound bitter, but it has all hit us at once. An yes, they are his kids an he should handle it, believe me he will be the one to, but it doesnt hurt for me to ask where to begin since we are a team working on a blended family. Any advice would help, but please keep the negativety to a minimum.
i feel you. i also dont believe in using kids as pawns but my SO's ex thought that was the thing to do.
have him just go ahead and file a modification and adjustment in child support. the good question is where, and how to serve the mothers. i dont know the answer ot that one.
Wish I had some advice for you. I don't, but welcome to the group.
Have him collect all the info he has, even if its past addresses or jobs they might be able to find the moms based on the old info. Have you tried looking on fb for either one of them? Might tell you what city they're in and if its not private maybe a phone number (if you're lucky) GL!
Hi and welcome to the group. No advice from me. Wishing you both luck.
Thank you all for your advice an welcomes. I guess we start with a lawyer, now if we could just find one we can afford too, lol.
survival tips for a new mom to be on her frist day as a single mom.
Have you........... *poll*
- CJMom2012
on Feb. 16, 2012 at 2:31 PM