Just need to let this out... LONG

[Harleigh87]

This may not make sense to anyone what I'm about to say, but I just need to let it out and this is the only place I really have to just say what ever is on my mind. 

SO and I see a therapist weekly, we don't go together all the time because we are also trying to work on ourselves as well. I love going because he's not your average counselor (forgot his actual title) but you basically tell him whats going on, your history, and he will tell you why you are the way you are. Just you can understand your thought process and why you like/ dislike things about your SO... 

Anyways, I always get mad at SO whenever he goes any where. I mean ANYWHERE. I don't want to get mad, but I just kinda feel as if he doesn't want to be around me and be active in my life with not just me but my DS. He does work A LOT. He's  a partner of the company and does ALL the IT work so he's always on call. The past two days he would work from 4pm till 12pm the next day.... it's not always like that, but it's still hard. 

This is something that my therapist told me that I find very interesting and I fully believe it to the bottom of my heart. 

Women like to be desired, women to not desire men. Women only desire to be desired. On a level of 1- 10. one being where you feel your always desired, and 10 being where you feel no desire where do you stand?

I'm close to a level 10. 

When you are being desired by your man normally it stays with you, so if you're being desired by your man and he walks away to the next room you can still feel it. If you have an amazing evening with your SO and he goes out later that night with out you, you still feel the desire from that evening so you are ok with him leaving. 

where as me... when SO desires me and I feel it I am in total heaven. When he gets up to go to the next room the desire has left me. it doesn't stay in my memory basically. so when he does all the good thing (desiring me) and then leaves me (bad things) i see and only remember the bad and the good is just faintly their. 

It's not that I don't want him to go out with out me or be gone at work all the time, but I just feel so unattached to him. Like I'm meaningless. 

My counselor says their is nothing that I can really do to change this about me because it's just who I am based on a series of things that have made me this way in my life. 

I just had to share this... my counselor also told me to talk about this with SO and explain why I act the way I act. (getting mad when he wants to go out instead of spending more time with me). I'm just waiting for a good time to talk to him. 

My counselor says that it has to do with many things in my past that i don't want to get into, but that one as a child I was never desired by either of my fathers (fathers send out a different kind of desire to their daughters). and since I never got that desire or very rarely got it that I'm always craving it so that when I get it I don't want it to end, and when it does I get upset and all the desire I got has faded away.... 

[brieri]

interesting. 

[LifeCafe42]

Good insight you found a smart guy

[MeeshMom]

Idk if I agree that you can't change that about yourself. You can choose how you feel by practicing it day by day till you eventually get it. It's like choosing your mood. I chose to be angry at my ex for a long time. But I learned some new things and decided to not waste that energy being angry. I can now talk to him on the phone without feeling a bit of anger and it took practice and meditation and reminders over a year period to get to this point.

[Robsessed98]

very interesting.. sounds to me like youre more insecure than undesired.

[Shy_Dia]

Omg! Sounds a bit like me. SO is always with me so when he goes home, I feel unwanted, unloved, etc. I used to get mad and super depressed about it. I just keep reminding myself that he does love me. I still feel alone, but not like before

[Harleigh87]

oh no! not insecure at all! 

Quoting Robsessed98:

very interesting.. sounds to me like youre more insecure than undesired.

[owl0210]

That makes total sense. I have an up and down relationship with my father and I believe he is the reason why I made poor choices in men. My ex-husband actually reminded me of my father go figure lol. It definitely sounds like you have abandonment issues when it comes to dating. Keep going to counseling and good luck.