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Im breaking my message board cherry

Posted by on Mar. 4, 2012 at 12:42 AM
  • 6 Replies
Hi, Ive never been on a message board before so Im not hip to the lingo but here's my story...

Since my pregnancy my son's father has been back and forth on his level of involvement. He told me I should get an abortion then proposed to me a week after, I ofcourse didnt take it seriously because of the situation. He uses that as his excuse for not doing anything...he says I wouldnt let him.

We stuck together but eventually I ended it last January when my son was 8 months old. He hadnt seen our son since October, we didnt live together and both were working, but i realized that he was just using everything as an excuse to not take care of his son.

He has never given me a cent, an hour of help, or anything. I stopped talking to him because I was positive he was on steroids after the incident that made me realize enugh was enough. Unfortunatly we have the same group of friends, so avoiding him is really hard. He approachedme last May and told me how much he loved and missed us and wanted ti see his son, bla bla bla, our son's birthday was that week, he had me take him home early frm his own party to see him bc he didnt want to be around my family and friends bc he is a deadbeat and knows it...and then stands my son up...on his birthday. Keeps telling me how much he wants to see us... He saw my son for the first time since last October in January.

This man is drivng me literally off the edge, I work 3 jobs do everything, even sold him my old car on a loan like a dumbass thinking him having a car would get him working again and visiting his kid....nope just another headache for me bc the 1000 car I sold him way under its value still has 525 owed and its been since october. I cant stop getting ahold of him and trying to help him even though he doesnt help me out at all, what is wrong with me? How can i still care about this jerk?

Every other month he is either throwing in my face that he didnt want a kid and I should have had an abortion, or telling me how much he misses us. How can he be so extreme so back and forth so often???? What do I do??? I fall for it everytime bc all I want is for THEM to have a relationship even if its one hour every few months, but even that is toooo hard for him.

He was suppossed to see our son tomorrow because he needed to be in our area, we live in the same city just different neighborhoods. I text him to see if he is still coming but he tells me he doesnt have to be in the area anymore. I say, well you can still see your son and his response is "not if i dont have ti cuz i still have to go just dont knw whn" wtf

So now he will ignore me for the next 2 weeks and then talk to me again, vicous cycle i cant break. Why do i even want this creep to be in my son's life?

Im letting him totally destroy my mind my heart and my life and i cant stop.. help.
by on Mar. 4, 2012 at 12:42 AM
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Replies (1-6):
SinceresMomma
by on Mar. 4, 2012 at 1:20 AM
Your only gonna keep hurting your self if you keep trying force him to be a father.It's such a heartache trying to change a man. Fall back and stop being so convenient for him.
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lexsmommaO8
by Bronze Member on Mar. 4, 2012 at 12:30 PM

My sons father gives me a headache like everytime we talk. I learned to not expect anything therefore it won't be no disappointments on my end. I work and bust my butt for everything me and my children have. He also helps provide for both of my children if needed. even tho my daughter is not his. I try to limit the talk I have with him. And don't get my hopes up when he says hes gonna do things for the kids. When my son was first born I used to beg and plead with this man to take my son for atleast an hour for me to catch up on some sleep - my son will be nine months old in the 17th and just last week he picked him from my mothers and spent two hours with him for the first time alone. I thought it was gonna snow because I was shocked. terrible right? but like someone else said, you can't force someone to be a parent. & yes I do believe fathers do get off scott free when it come to children .. but only thing you can do is change the way you look at things.

amonkeymom
by Platinum Member on Mar. 5, 2012 at 3:40 PM

Welcome!

photogal831
by on Mar. 5, 2012 at 4:00 PM

Ok, so first file for child support...stop worrying about him having a relationship with your son, if he wants to he will if not it is his loss. Stressing over this guy isn't doing anyone any good. Realize you and your son deserve better, be the best mom you can be for your son.....cause that's all you really can do. Give up control of this guy, take the car as a loss....and stop contacting him, wait for him to contact you and keep it as surface level as possible.....keep in mind if this how he continues to act he will end up old and alone and he'll have only himself to blame. Focus your attention to you and your son.

bamababe1975
by on Mar. 6, 2012 at 11:23 AM

 Welcome to the group! I think you'll find this thread helpful:  The CafeMom Help Desk - Ask Questions Here! FAQs, Tips and Abbreviations...

As for your situation, I agree with the others' suggestions. You can't make him be better, especially if you're always there to be his crutch.


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Tovit
by on Mar. 6, 2012 at 11:45 AM

Right, I mean, Its not that I'm trying to force him to be a father as much as everytime I stop talking to him and just let the situation be what it is.. He seeks me out and tries to beg to be around again, ofcourse with hardly any follow through but I have this issue where If he tells me "I want to see my son" how do I say No, even if I know its probably a bogus request. Because what if that one time it was real and I just kept my son from his father.

@ photogal831-I dont intend on taking him to court because that is more involvement with him than I want at this point. I am very capable of working multiple jobs and still spending lots of time with my son. It works for me. I dont want anything from him, except for him to spend time not money. But oh well. I dunno

I guess I need to figure out how to say No to him and convince myself that he doesnt actually want to see his son, or he just would. Its hard to convince myself of that since he has filled my mind with excuses, I guess I always think well once he gets past that bull**** then he will be able...but I think he is just to selfish really. And still trying to be a fratboy wayyyyy past his time.

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