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name changes ?

Posted by on Mar. 4, 2012 at 10:11 PM
  • 13 Replies

So my sons dad finally knows im pregnant (I am almost 41 weeks, he thought i was just getting fat) anyways after letting him know tonight that i am being induced tomorrow morning and asking if he would be able to bring our son on tuesday or wednesday to meet his baby brother (which his answer was no he wont do that) i get home and checked my email about an hour or so later.

In the email he states that he thinks it is time to change our sons last name so that it is hypenated, i have a long last name as it is (10 letters) and he wants to add his name into the last name because he thinks that means our son will know that he is a part of his dad (which i think sounds kinda stupid) anyways his dads last name is longer as well so once our son learns how to spell his name and throughout school he would need to write out a super long last name. He put in the email that he already talked to his lawyer about it and that if i dont agree now that he will just take me to court and the judge will agree to the name change (anytime we have gone to court the judge always agrees to what he wants). So should i just agree to it now and not have to go back to court? I should also add that he has been involved in our sons life for 2 years now consistently and we have 50/50 custody/placement.

I am also worried about it because i know he is going to try and fight for full custody once our son starts school and this might be one of his ways that he thinks will help him win. We live 2 hours apart so its not like we can keep our visitation schedule once he starts school (right now we share placement every week, Sunday-Sunday) I have thought about moving so that we live closer together but the apartments in that town are like double what i pay currently. When our son was born we lived in the same town and then he decided to move the 2 hours away.


Sorry about it being so long!

by on Mar. 4, 2012 at 10:11 PM
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Replies (1-10):
acastle2
by on Mar. 4, 2012 at 10:32 PM
How old is your son? Ask him what he would like to do as far as names go. Some people even combine last names when they can't agree on it.
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CampClan
by Bronze Member on Mar. 4, 2012 at 10:41 PM

 If he files then he has to serve you notice & you have to reply within a certain amount of time. If you do not reply the courts see this as you agreeing to change the name.

Things to consider- is dad's name on the birth certificate? Why do you object to the name change? If it's simply because it will be a longer name, then are you willing to agree to change your son's last name all together to your ex's? Are you & your current baby daddy together? Is he going to be a permanent part of your life (i.e. are you engaged)? Will the new baby be taking his daddy's name or yours? The judge might consider not allowing it if you are all going to have the same last name (not for sure on this though).

Landynsmom62609
by on Mar. 4, 2012 at 10:59 PM

He will be 3 in June. He wants to hypen the name not completely change it. I am not with current baby's dad because he got abusive a few weeks after i found out i was pregnant and i left him. New baby will have my last name. Idk why i feel the way i do about it just kinda upsets me, could be hormones as well lol, his dad is not on the birth certificate but paternity was established, oh and he said he would pay for any fees that occur because of the name change, including on the birth certificate, but wouldn't that mean i would need to pay for the new birth certificate as well?

NewMama28
by on Mar. 4, 2012 at 11:01 PM
Just do it. It's not worth fighting.
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aj23
by Amanda on Mar. 4, 2012 at 11:26 PM
That sounds like my story. My sons dad waited until he was 3 and decided he wanted the name change and I lived in the same town at first and now I live 2 hours away.
Honestly, just change the name now. I fought it and was forced by a judge to change it. Every lawyer I talked to said it was really common for a judge to side with the dad on the last name unless there was a valid reason not to change it. I wouldn't hyphenate it though, its just confusing and makes things complicated.
My sons dad did take him for a week every month before he started school but now he gets him on school breaks longer than 4 days and at least one weekend a month. We meet half way so neither one of use has a 4 hour drive. During the summer he gets two weeks each month. There are a ton of ways to work around the school schedule and do visitation.
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aj23
by Amanda on Mar. 4, 2012 at 11:29 PM
When I had to get my sons new birth certificate it was $20 for the first copy after the name change and $8 for any after that. It wasn't much at all.
If he's paying the filing fees and all of that then all you would have to pay for is your copy and you can always ask that he pay for a copy for you.


Quoting Landynsmom62609:

He will be 3 in June. He wants to hypen the name not completely change it. I am not with current baby's dad because he got abusive a few weeks after i found out i was pregnant and i left him. New baby will have my last name. Idk why i feel the way i do about it just kinda upsets me, could be hormones as well lol, his dad is not on the birth certificate but paternity was established, oh and he said he would pay for any fees that occur because of the name change, including on the birth certificate, but wouldn't that mean i would need to pay for the new birth certificate as well?


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DDDaysh
by Silver Member on Mar. 4, 2012 at 11:54 PM

If you're worried about the length, you could just change it to Dad's last name.  Or have it officially hyphenated but only use Dad's last name for a "daily basis" activity like writing it at school.  Most of the time Dads will win this battle, so it's probably not worth the money to fight it if he's an active father.  

The name isn't going to have any bearing on custody though.  Parents and kids have different last names all the time.  Mom's change their names back to their maiden names using the same divorce decree that gives their kids on a daily basis.  The name will have zero impact.  

What might have an impact, however, is who has better schools available.  You say apartments where he lives cost more, which leads me to believe it's a more affluent area and likely has better schools?  Is this the case?  If so, then you might want to start figuring out a new budget to move now so that he won't be able to use the "better education" argument against you.  

Landynsmom62609
by on Mar. 5, 2012 at 12:31 AM


Quoting DDDaysh:

If you're worried about the length, you could just change it to Dad's last name.  Or have it officially hyphenated but only use Dad's last name for a "daily basis" activity like writing it at school.  Most of the time Dads will win this battle, so it's probably not worth the money to fight it if he's an active father.  

The name isn't going to have any bearing on custody though.  Parents and kids have different last names all the time.  Mom's change their names back to their maiden names using the same divorce decree that gives their kids on a daily basis.  The name will have zero impact.  

What might have an impact, however, is who has better schools available.  You say apartments where he lives cost more, which leads me to believe it's a more affluent area and likely has better schools?  Is this the case?  If so, then you might want to start figuring out a new budget to move now so that he won't be able to use the "better education" argument against you.  

The schools are better in my area not only with state testing scores but with sports teams etc.. its a bigger town. There are 3 colleges (one tech school, one state college that is #2 in our state and then another college) in my town but rent is still cheaper not sure why. The town he moved to is a smaller town (maybe 400 people) that is located 20mins from all schools (which isnt much but if i were to move closer then I would have to move directly into the town which rent for a 2-3 bedroom is around $1000 a month not including anything (i have started looking for apartments there just in case), i am currently in a 3 bdrm townhouse for $675 a month and its a newer townhouse, the apartments for rent in his town are mainly for college kids which is why it is more expensive (there is a state college in town there as well).

I won't change our sons last name to just his last name, one of my reasons is that (this may make me sound like a bitch) its not his real last name he was adopted at age 8 or 9 and had his name changed at that time and his adoptive parents are complete a-holes to me and my family. Another reason is that my mom had given both my brother and myself our dads last name (same dad) and her and my dad were never married so growing up i was constantly asked why my parents had different last names and how come my mom didnt give us her last name. ugh i think hormones are just messing with me tonight and nervous about going in for the induction in...9 hours

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Landynsmom62609
by on Mar. 5, 2012 at 12:34 AM


Quoting aj23:

That sounds like my story. My sons dad waited until he was 3 and decided he wanted the name change and I lived in the same town at first and now I live 2 hours away.
Honestly, just change the name now. I fought it and was forced by a judge to change it. Every lawyer I talked to said it was really common for a judge to side with the dad on the last name unless there was a valid reason not to change it. I wouldn't hyphenate it though, its just confusing and makes things complicated.
My sons dad did take him for a week every month before he started school but now he gets him on school breaks longer than 4 days and at least one weekend a month. We meet half way so neither one of use has a 4 hour drive. During the summer he gets two weeks each month. There are a ton of ways to work around the school schedule and do visitation.

With the school situation, did your sons dad agree or put up a fight with the school schedule? I know my sons dad will not agree to any schedule i propose, not because he doesnt want the schedule but because his mom pays his bills and whatever she tells him to do he does.

SexyDiva19
by on Mar. 5, 2012 at 1:32 AM
What state are you ladies in? I've never heard of a judge forcing someone to change their child's last name.

My son has my last name and of I were ever forced to change it, I would hyphenate it.
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