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Am I being a heartless B****? Or Should I Just Return The Favor??

Posted by on Apr. 9, 2012 at 11:36 AM
  • 32 Replies

Ok,
My son's father and I been through so much. He cheated on me a year ago and got another woman pregnant. To make matters worse, he ended up marrying her, changing his number and totally abandoned our son UNTIL my son was four months old. Around this time, his wife supposedly cheated on him and he decided he wanted to make things work with me and be there for our son. When he told me why he wasn't there for our son, he said it was because he was trying to make his wife happy and his wife didn't want him around our son or me. He said he was stupid for letting her control him and walking out on his son. Well, a month passed and he was coming to see our son everyday, always buying things for him, and supposedly, him and his wife were filing for divorce. I was even beginning to fall back in love with him. During all this, his wife would call me starting drama, trying to start arguments with me. Another month passes and all of the sudden he tells me "I should be with someone better than him." When I asked why he replies "You should be with someone who don't have all the drama I have and who doesn't have any other kids and has a better job than me." I said to him I didn't care about all that, I loved him for him. He then left and since then he has only seen my son once in a month's time. He'll call to "check up" on my son, but my son is only 6 months old, he can't talk! Whenever I ask when will he come to pick up our son to visit with him, it's always "I'll let you know." About four days ago, I called him repeatedly because our son was in the hospital for breathing problems and he wasn't responding to my calls or texts. When he did call six hours later, I asked why didn't he answer and he said he had a toothache?? However yesterday, he made the mistake of telling on himself saying that was the day he was dropping his other son he has with his wife off at her house. When I thought about it, I said "so that's why you couldnt answer? Our son was in the hospital and just because you was with her, you couldn't answer the phone because it would make her mad?" He didnt say anything. Right now, I've just had it up to over my head with my son's father. It's like he's turning back to his old self. I told him I didn't want him around for my son anymore if he was going have to hide the fact that he's there for my son around his wife. I also told him coming to see his son once a month is pathetic especially if you have more opportunities to spend time with him. Since he's been acting funny, it's like I have to beg him to be there for our son now that we aren't working things out. Was I wrong?

by on Apr. 9, 2012 at 11:36 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Angelicmom24
by on Apr. 9, 2012 at 12:20 PM
1 mom liked this
No I think u are completely right he shouldn't feel like he needs to hide either son from each other and he should know you calling him over and over to get the hint hey.maybe something is wrong and I need to answer this.... it sounds like things aren't so over between him and his wife if he still worries about upsetting her...it shouldn't be about her anymore
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GraLauJon
by on Apr. 9, 2012 at 12:35 PM

i have done nothing but get invovled with that same type of guy.  if the child is his then he is responsible for him too.  i dont care how many women these guys have how many babies with, those children will want to know their father.  really, just protect your child from here on out. be the stable one in your son's life and your son will be okay, as a counselor once told me.  the irresponsible childish act coming from these guys who are supposed to be adult is a waste of time for us to keep having to worry about.  i say move on the best you can on your own and find someone better for yourself and your son.  even my 12 yo dd tells me about her own dad, "really mom, you coulda done better."

amylulu1
by on Apr. 9, 2012 at 12:38 PM
2 moms liked this

 I don't think you should have to chase him down to visit your son.  He is an adult and it is his responsibility to make time for him.  My kids are now grown, but honestly, if I had it all to do over again, I would have put Dad on child support and arranged for visitation.  It is not our responsibility as mothers to have to raise our children AND chase Dad around to visit.  I think he wants his cake and to eat it, too.  Set up child support and visitation through court and move on! 

amylulu1
by on Apr. 9, 2012 at 12:41 PM
5 moms liked this

 Oh and...

At first it is hard because your heart feels one way, but after a couple months you will look back and say "what the hell was I thinking"?  I would rather go through a little bit of heartache getting over someone than to be miserable trying to keep a fake relationship alive.  He obviously doesn't give a crap about anyone but himself...once a cheat and a liar, always a cheat and a liar...seriously.

StillDreaming07
by on Apr. 9, 2012 at 12:51 PM
1 mom liked this

Whan asshole. Screw him. Your child doesn't deserve that and niether do you. I say drop him out of your life altogether. Stand your ground! I know the heart wants what the heart wants (and sometimes it wants inconsiderate morons. Smh) but I promise you will be so much happier once he is gone once and for all!

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Taniya89
by on Apr. 9, 2012 at 12:56 PM

@StillDreaming: That's exactly how I feel! Its like he doesn't understand how he hurts me when it comes to my son and me. He put through too much as it is, and its like he just keeps doing without any remorse. My son deserves a father, not a part time one or one that is in and out his life.

happinessforyou
by on Apr. 9, 2012 at 12:57 PM

Both of these responses!

Quoting amylulu1:

 I don't think you should have to chase him down to visit your son.  He is an adult and it is his responsibility to make time for him.  My kids are now grown, but honestly, if I had it all to do over again, I would have put Dad on child support and arranged for visitation.  It is not our responsibility as mothers to have to raise our children AND chase Dad around to visit.  I think he wants his cake and to eat it, too.  Set up child support and visitation through court and move on! 


Taniya89
by on Apr. 9, 2012 at 12:58 PM

@amylulu: So true! He didnt even deserve to be in my son's life after abandoning him when I was pregnant, denying him, and he wasnt even there when I had him! Its too stressful to deal with anymore

GraLauJon
by on Apr. 9, 2012 at 1:01 PM

the thing is, these dads can vie for partial custody or visitation just for having the same DNA.  so i would think that letting your ex go would mean peace for you and your child.  these guys do not care about us, that is how it is.  they dont, and yet we want them to.  it is heartbreaking for the kids but then again, life goes on.  i know my kids say they are tired of their own daddy drama.  the two older ones are. the youngest one is still 9 and still emotionally attached.  it takes them awhile to work things thru with that other parent. i never know if cutting off ties 100% retards that process or not, but i let my kids decide as they get older how they want to deal with all of it.  GL.   you will work it out.

StillDreaming07
by on Apr. 9, 2012 at 1:14 PM


Quoting Taniya89:

@StillDreaming: That's exactly how I feel! Its like he doesn't understand how he hurts me when it comes to my son and me. He put through too much as it is, and its like he just keeps doing without any remorse. My son deserves a father, not a part time one or one that is in and out his life.


He is selfish and inconsiderate. Not only that, he has no balls. Idk what kind of man will let a WOMAN, let a lone one that he is DIVORCING to dictate how much he sees his child. Wtf kind of shit is that? He is going to have a shell of a life, letting her be his puppet master forever. And their child is going to see that, too. It's going to be bad all around because what that "family" was built on was deciet. Karma is a bitch. Believe that. Rid yourself of him, you can do so much better.

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