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MY DAUGHTER JUST TOLD ME SHE WOULD RATHER BE WHITE...***EDIT**

Posted by on Apr. 15, 2012 at 4:46 PM
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3 moms liked this

but she loves being "brown" at the same time. I'm brand new to this group, but not CafeMom. I'm asking you ladies specifically for advice for the obvious reasons. When I asked my daughter why she felt like that she said "because I feel different, and I don't feel good about myself" all in the same breath she put on a huge fake smile and said "but I like being brown too. because brown girls are pretty right mama?" THE ONLY REASON she threw in that last statement is because I have beat it in her head that she's beautiful, "brown" girls are no different than white girls, etc...

She's 6 and early on dad made a big deal about her having long hair (which she has). And she started thinking that longer was better. I also pointed out that mommy was super flyy and I'm rockin' a short 'do. So we've been battling with these issues on and off for about a year or so. I've even heard her tell her friends "I wish my hair looked liked yours". 

So my question is how can I eliminate this problem. Since she was able to understand, and before this was an issue, I've made it a point to instill a sense of pride in her. "Black is beautiful" "You're important" "Being different is cool too" "Love yourself" etc... Even the people in her life from daddy, gigi, grandpa, aunts and uncles have done the same.

What else can I say or do? It hurts my heart to know that my child thinks she's less than because of her skin color. 

***WE LIVE IN A VERY DIVERSE COMMUNITY. WE'RE IN AT A LARGE MILITARY BASE SO WE HAVE PEOPLE FROM ALL WALKS OF LIFE HERE***

**I POSTED THIS IN THE AFRICAN AMERICAN GROUP FOR THE OBVIOUS REASONS...BUT I'D LIKE TO GET EVERYONE'S OPINION BLACK, WHITE, PURPLE, BLUE, WHATEVER.

****Thanks EVERYONE for your support and great ideas. I wanted to say that some people think we're putting to much emphasize on our daughter's physical appearance. I want you all to know that this is not the case. The OP was just giving you an idea of the kind of things we say to encourage her. We also put a lot of focus on the fact that she should love herself as well as others, tolerance, acceptance, and that she has SO MUCH MORE to offer than just that pretty face. Anyway, I want to thank you brilliant and beautiful moms for all the advice.  Who said Cafemom was bad???? :-)

by on Apr. 15, 2012 at 4:46 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Andrewsmom70
by Silver Member on Apr. 15, 2012 at 4:52 PM
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I'd be doing all I could to brag on all the good about brown. Also teach her about brown people that have done great things- George Washington Carver, Condi Rice, Halle Berry, Denzel Washington, Jackie Robinson, Frederick Douglass, etc. Give her reason to celebrate her heritage.

Remind her that tons of white people pay bundles of money (tanning industry) to become brown so brown is obviously a good thing. :-)
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MeeshMom
by Platinum Member on Apr. 15, 2012 at 4:55 PM
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I'm mixed white and Hispanic but I have lighter olive skin. My sister is darker. I always wanted darker skin and still kinda do. It's a problem only if it becomes an obsession. The good thing was I had grown up with friends of all different ethnicities and colors. I am alright with who I am now. It's just skin. Help her find the things she likes that emphasize her beauty as she is. Colors that flatter her best, hair styles etc. And def encourage her to enjoy being a kid and make all different kinda of friends. I think she's so young that I wouldn't worry too bad about that. Many kids get feelings like that.
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moosesmom
by Silver Member on Apr. 15, 2012 at 4:55 PM
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That's one thing I haven't done. Telling her about the "brown" people that have accomplished so much. But her dad did tell her how her friends want to look like her.

"They go tanning to look like you" "Your hair does things, their hair can't do" "And you'll look better than them as you get older. You're skin will stay nice and smooth." Umm...I cringed a little when he said it. The man tries his best. lol. 

Quoting Andrewsmom70:

I'd be doing all I could to brag on all the good about brown. Also teach her about brown people that have done great things- George Washington Carver, Condi Rice, Halle Berry, Denzel Washington, Jackie Robinson, Frederick Douglass, etc. Give her reason to celebrate her heritage.

Remind her that tons of white people pay bundles of money (tanning industry) to become brown so brown is obviously a good thing. :-)


happymommy1105
by Gold Member on Apr. 15, 2012 at 4:56 PM
4 moms liked this
My son is half white and half black. Sometimes he asks if he still handsome cause he is brown.

I have always taught him that he is extra special cause everybody who.looks at him can see his mommy and daddy in him. So I just always remind him he is extra special.

I also remind him that he is special because he is smart, funny, talented and loved. That looks aren't everything.
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faerie75
by Ruby Member on Apr. 15, 2012 at 4:56 PM
1 mom liked this
Do you live in a diverse area? If so take her to the park and point out ppl of all colors as how pretty they are. Also I have boy but I always wanted them open minded so when they were small I bought tem books " it's ok to be different" and one about "nappy hair" (about a little black girl) an "mama's kitchen", and other books about diversity.
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Chanel5nyc
by Shanell on Apr. 15, 2012 at 4:58 PM
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Maybe she is hearing certain statements from other students.

But her children books about being black. When I was I was younger my mom bought a book called Nappy. Or something like that. Lol.
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moosesmom
by Silver Member on Apr. 15, 2012 at 4:59 PM

I agree with you. And like I said we've always told her how beautiful she is (she was in the mirror everyday at one point lol) but it's disturbing you know? I guess it SERIOUSLY hurts my feelings knowing that she feels like looking like someone else makes her better. As mom this is exactly what we don't want our children thinking. Being you is AWESOME!

Quoting MeeshMom:

I'm mixed white and Hispanic but I have lighter olive skin. My sister is darker. I always wanted darker skin and still kinda do. It's a problem only if it becomes an obsession. The good thing was I had grown up with friends of all different ethnicities and colors. I am alright with who I am now. It's just skin. Help her find the things she likes that emphasize her beauty as she is. Colors that flatter her best, hair styles etc. And def encourage her to enjoy being a kid and make all different kinda of friends. I think she's so young that I wouldn't worry too bad about that. Many kids get feelings like that.


moosesmom
by Silver Member on Apr. 15, 2012 at 5:01 PM

Our community is VERY diverse. We live in a military community so there are ALL kinds of people here. Here best friends mom is black and dad is Korean, and the girls acros the street, there mom is white and dad is from Hawaii. I'll look those books up...Thanks so much.

Quoting faerie75:

Do you live in a diverse area? If so take her to the park and point out ppl of all colors as how pretty they are. Also I have boy but I always wanted them open minded so when they were small I bought tem books " it's ok to be different" and one about "nappy hair" (about a little black girl) an "mama's kitchen", and other books about diversity.


Andrewsmom70
by Silver Member on Apr. 15, 2012 at 5:02 PM
1 mom liked this
I have a great book about the history of America but it's told thru the eyes of an African American person and how African Americans have been involved in history. I'll try to remember to post the title. It's a great book and I read it to my class and they loved it.
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moosesmom
by Silver Member on Apr. 15, 2012 at 5:04 PM

thanks. get back to me ASAP :-)

Quoting Andrewsmom70:

I have a great book about the history of America but it's told thru the eyes of an African American person and how African Americans have been involved in history. I'll try to remember to post the title. It's a great book and I read it to my class and they loved it.


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